Worriedgirl, I'm not a psychologist but sometimes you sound as if you are giving up. You are not a failure if you slip back or get a high reading. I think you need more confidence in yourself and more resolve that you can
get control of your health. I did it and I know you can do it, too. I know it's not a walk in the park and you need to be consistent and stay with the plan, but in the end you can and will avoid major health problems caused by diabetes.
If you're not keeping a journal of food and blood sugar results, then please start. This is the only way you will see how the food you are eating affects your blood sugar. And please read this page from the link in my signature about
what normal blood sugar is: www.phlaunt.com/diabetes/16422495.php
Normal blood sugar is not what we are told to aim for in the booklets given to us from our doctors' offices. Read the studies on the website and you will learn that blood sugar over 140 for a certain period of years will lead to health complications. (I saw this in my mother and grandmother who died of diabetes many years ago, and now in my brother and sister who do have the benefit of glucose meters and who were under their doctors' care all these years.)
Sometimes this is depressing and if we can't get on with our lives because we're living under this dark cloud then maybe we need to be treated for this with other medication, too. For several years I had to take an anti-anxiety/depression medication to deal with what I felt were overwhelming factors in my life. This happens.
What I found helped was the medication at the time, a solid plan for my health which included reading the Bernstein book which I have recommended to you and a resolve that I would not
be controlled by this disease!
The holidays are coming and we all need a plan. There will be slips but we cannot let the slips be the norm.