35 yr old son still living at home

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 1/17/2009 6:23 PM (GMT -7)   
I usually post on another forum but I need some advice.  I have a 35 yr old son with epilepsy. His seizures are under control.  He hasn't had one in about 3 1/2 years.  He takes lamictal, keppra and zonegran all very big doses but he is used to the meds so he wants to stay where he's at with them.  He has become a germaphobe. I'm sure it has become OCD. He washes his hands constantly and they are red and chapped.  He takes a shower for at least 30 min. in the morning.  He won't touch any thing I touch even though I prepare our dinner.  I am trying to get him independent so he can eventually live on his own.  I don't know if he will ever be able to do this without going to a group home.  He has a full time teacher's aide job and he doesn't make enough to be on his own. He does have health insurance from his job which he desparately needs and he also has drug coverage but his meds still cost him about $260 a month copays.  Because he needs to feel so clean he is not getting to work on time and I am afraid he is going to lose his job.  And then he will lose his insurance. Without insurance his meds will cost thousands and I can't afford to help him.  I am living on SSI.  He gets up at 5:30AM and has to be at work at 8:00AM.  Nothing I tell him seems to sink in.  I keep warning him he can lose his job but he just can't seem to move any faster.  I don't know what else I can do to convince him he needs to get to work on time.  He has held this job for 10 yrs and he was never late until this year. I am working with an epilepsy couselor from the Epilepsy Foundation but so far she hasn't been much help.  I am not going to live forever. I am 63 and have bad asthma and have also had cancer.  He has very few friends so there is no possibility for a roommate.  And he wouldn't want one he says.  He doesn't know how to budget or do anything on his own.  I am trying to do the best I can to teach him things but he always ends up getting angry and fighting with me.  I have to leave the room then.  If any one has a few suggestions on how I can handle this problem I really would appreciate some help. Thanks in advance.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 6795
   Posted 1/17/2009 11:13 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi, Aurora,
Heaven knows what I'm doing up this late scanning the epilepsy board, but here I am. It doesn't seem like it's just the epilepsy that's challenging your son, but you seem to know that. I don't know if your son is working with a psychiatrist and a therapist, but that might help to evaluate and treat other issues - such as possible OCD. He's been functioning ok it seems for a number of years, but something is changing for him. And it does seem like he will need to get connected with some type of facility and/or group living situation that helps him manage his affairs sometime in the future.

One thing that might help you is a different therapist. Someone you could talk to who would help you not just with your son, but to make plans for your future that would ease your anxiety. Perhaps some of this could be done in a will, and that would ease your worries of the future.

It's late and I hope I've not said anything that's upsetting, but maybe something I've said might help.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 1257
   Posted 1/18/2009 3:07 PM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for answering my post PALady.  I am seeing a counselor that specializes in epilepsy and hopefully we can work out a way to help him.  He has grudginly agreed to meet with her again so maybe  we can get some more resources.  I have my own therapist and she has helped me tremendously.  I have survived so much because of her good advice and caring.The problem with my son is that he just won't accept that he has OCD. I have told him it can take over his life and then he won't be able to function and then he will have to go to a group home.  I have provided for him in a trust so when I die he will be taken care of. I just need to find a placement for him in the next few years so that I can move on and go to a nice retirement community and have my own life free of children.  I have another son too, but he is very independent, has an excellent job, his own condo and is getting married.  So I don't want to burden him with my older son. And I really don't want to move too far away as these boys are my only family.  All my immediate family has passed away including 2 sisters. So you can understand why I need my sons.  Hopefully this will all work itself out. Thanks again for caring.


New Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 1/18/2009 6:41 PM (GMT -7)   
your son could be scared to leave u since ur health thats something you may want to talk to him about. another common thing I tend to see is one one son does well the other fells like a let down. Also I no you want your son out and independent but ask yourself are you pushing him to hard he could not be up to handle that kinda stress
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