It took 6 years from first going to the doctor before i was diagnosed with Temporal Lobe Epilepsy (i shall write TBE from now on), but as soon as i received the diagnosis i realized all my life i was considered a bad apple basically in school because of my quirks if i can call them that, and always have a limited circle of friends as i never feel comfortable around people as most of my visual hallucinations were of people attacking me, which lead to incredible paranoia as they seem so real.
Even on meds i still feel strange sensations that feel like something is crawling on me (very rarely nowadays) but i can't describe how it feels to stare at your arm for example and see nothing but your brain is telling you something is there.
In addition every visual hallucination starts with a really intense feeling in my chest kind of like intense bursts of a rushing feeling and an extremely intense fear, which is really hard to explain to people face to face as it truly is a feeling thats hard to translate into words. That feeling is always followed by deja vu or Jamais vu i can never remember which to refer to, which results in the visual hallucinations above. Smelling things that are there is another one, for me it always seems to be like something freshly burnt.
I'm 26 now and have had this all my life and was finally diagnosed in 2012, after 6 years of being thrown about by the doctors from being mentally ill (crazy basically) to just plain extremely paranoid and over stating what i actually was going though. It wasn't until i started seeing a psychiatrist under doctors orders, the man said he was suspicious of me, as i listed the sypmtoms of a TLE seizure pretty much straight out of a text book. (Which on a side note really pissed me of as if it was truly text book then why did so many doctors not pick up on it before)
Anyways still to this day even though the meds have my TLE under control i still struggle with my paranoia and deep distrust of other men, as i spent pretty much my entire life that i can remember having deja vu type situations of the people attacking me, even the psychiatrist i saw said i could suffer from all the thought patterns regarding the deja vu as i have spent my entire life pretty much always thinking like this, it would be extremely difficult even with a psychiatrists help to alter literally the way i think, as he said its basically so engrained now.
At my very worst my most seizure intensive times, i literally locked myself away in my house, doors locked chair against the door, curtains closed, listening to TV/Music/Games permanently though headphones. As i would had the "visions" of the attacks multiple times a day.
I know this all seems extremely stupid and i've heard the man-up and get a grip of yourself my whole life, but now the meds control it, even now if i have the odd episode, i know excatly whats happening but whilst its happening no matter how hard i concentrate telling myself what it is, you know whats causing it etc i can't stop my brain overriding my logic and i still can't shake the feeling of intense fear that accompanies the episodes, although shortly after they finish i'm but in control (so to speak) and im back to the closest i can get to being normal again.
Its safe to assume everybodies seizures are different in many ways but i was just wondering if theres anybody out there who can relate to this, as i just feel, out bluntly, alone. I can't speak to anybody i know as i've already got the big label slapped to my forehead, and i don't want even more things put out there to people i know as i already know how people reacted to me & treated me before i was diagnosed, I don't want that to return as all people know about my condition is its name. (As after all mentioned above broke down my marriage i moved so no-body knows about it).
Again is there anybody who suffers or has suffered anything similar and how if anything do you mange it all, as i've ran out of things to try, and im literally down to a single friend & and thats my sisters husband. I'm lost and have exhausted all the things i can think of, to become as normal as i can be, and be just another person in the crowd so to speak.
Sorry for the wall of text & and im grateful if you suffered it all to get this far