Do you get mad
Epilepsy - 25.0% - 1 votes
anger manageent - 75.0% - 3 votes
Posted 12/20/2018 5:14 PM (GMT -6)
Hello everyone. Today is my first day here. I have been epileptic for about 20 years now. They are uncontrolled with medications. Back in 2015 I had the Neuropace stimulator implanted. But its made the seizures worst and now I have anxiety attacks.
Do the smallest things upset you? I mean I've slammed the dresser drawer before and I usually yell at myself or hit myself when I realize how stupid I was to get so upset about things I should just deal with. Or I just shouldn't let my feelings take control of me. My memory sucks. I can remember things from childhood but sometimes remembering things from yesterday is a challenge. That pisses me off more.
People say I should write things down but I won't even remember it anyways.
My anger mostly started with my parents. When i was young my mother used to tell me to not do anything wrong to ruin the family name. THEY didnt want to be made fools and relatives laughing at them cuz their daughter made them fools. They seem to have cared more about what other think about themselves. My mother used to contolling and always yelling. She would always tell me i was fat and told me to look like my cousin julie who had a beautiful figure. It was funny cuz Julie told me her mom kept telling her that she should look more like me. I didn't have a problem with my body before but it was a real issue for my mother and father. My mother used to make me so self conscous and insecure with myself.
When i got dianosed with epilepsy my father came with me and asked the dr if there was a cure for epilepsy cuz noone will want to marry me if they new i was sick. I cant believe anyone can say that about their child. The dr told my dad if the guy can't love me for my disabilities then he isn't good enough for me. I'm glad the dr said that and set my dad straight.
So another neurologist put me on my first med and of course suspended my drivers lisence. I gained alot of weight since i started taking meds. When Neuropace was waiting for approval from FDA my father went to an appontment with me and asked the dr "is there was a cure for this cuz if you could see pictures of her before she started taking these pill." It made me mad when he said it cuz i didn't even look good enough for them before taking the pills either.
Anyways, im a very self conscous person. I do talk to my mom about problems with my mother-in-law and she asks like i should just let it go. Things can really make me mad. I mean my mother in law has been visiting for 6 months. I mean, being epileptic has made it hard for me to control my anger sometimes. It makes me more mad when i realize i shouldn't have gotten mad about something. but my mother in law has says things like if i dont go to church then God will come and cut my leg and things like God is only going to love me 50/50 and she really screwed up my guest room. I made an absolute perfect round roti and then she says that she finally feels like she has an hundstani daughter in law.
Anyways i got to go right now. Thanks for reading.
Posted 12/22/2018 11:46 AM (GMT -6)
Hello Ribboninthesky & welcome to Healing Well. I have read your posts several times & I am sorry that you are struggling so much. I wanted to let you know this forum is very slow.
Just a thought, you mentioned your parents attitude about epilepsy. It sounds like they have their heads in the sand about your condition & are not informed at all. Another thought, it is possible that they feel guilty thinking it was something they caused when you were born. There is really no way of knowing why they react as they do. My suggestion, is don't let this take you down & upset you any further.
I cannot answer your question about anger. I know you are dealing with anxiety on top of everything else. From reading your post you tend to compare yourself to others. No one is perfect, you are like any other person, you have your own good qualities & you do count. You are a good person, do not forget that.
I do not know if you are getting help for your anxiety or not. If not, you may want to consider seeing a dr. Of course, none of us are drs here, but just from reading your post, your issues started as a young child & to this day they are causing you a lot of grief. Perhaps you may want to consider seeing a professional for help. I saw a psychologist for quite some time & she was a true blessing to me. She helped me so much. I wanted a female to talk to, I just couldn't relate with a male. A good therapist has great potential of helping you with all of the issues that interfering with your happiness.
When you need to see a dr, is it possible for your husband to go with you to the appts instead of your father? I would have my husband take me instead of the father. Less stress for you. Take care.
Posted 12/22/2018 11:56 PM (GMT -6)
Than you STRAYDOG for your support. It is great to associate with people that understand and can relate
Posted 7/20/2019 12:59 AM (GMT -6)
That's funny that you bring up anger, I got diagnosed with epilepsy in 2011 and I have been murderous when I get angry but also uncomfortable crying when the littlest things happen. Also, I think our parents are related! Where they both in the 30's, that age group is obsessed with what everyone thinks about them, I hated that!
Posted 11/9/2019 6:28 PM (GMT -6)
I've got a couple of years on you in this game but you sound like your pretty close to me.
when you start mentioning your relatives along with embarrassing them and the family name I feel for you! I don't deal with it as much now as I used to but I sure did when I lived at home.
I'm sorry about the parents, It has taken me years before I came to understand why they act the way they do and it has blown my mind to find out the truth as it will probably be something you never expected too
I'm sorry about the religion, I understand how the religion gets to be old and yes its very hard. I'm trying to broaden my world so that we can manage to find a different common ground to agree and talk on.
To make a long story short I think stray dog is right and gave you some very good advice that you might want to consider. Remember that their are loads of different ways to deal with the stress like good music, exercise, tapping, counting and much more so get creative and have fun with it.
Try looking into the different styles of communication like the aikido or assertive style of communication to help with communicating with personalities you have a hard time dealing with.
I know that having people in the family that overlook your feelings as well as lack the knowledge on how to communicate with you can make dealing with them very hard at times so that's why I suggest looking into it for yourself all the more.
I wish you much luck on your journey.