i'm wandering in well into the convo! sorry! i'll just reply to the original Q i suppose..perhaps ramble a bit from there! i'm so amused by the fact that i'm not alone or completely mental, as id have myself believe!
for me- the anxiety, it's bizzare! i want the same things- people to go away- but i don't want to be alone! the weird thing for me, is when i started having seizures 12 years ago, they were strictly nocturnal, and i was a stubborn 15 year old who could care less during the day. i was not affected per se. but then about 5 years ago, everything turned on it's head...i suppose pun intended!
i wound up having random grand mals (my tonic episodes were...as i'd said, previously sleep only), went status afew times, had to quit my job- extended homebound-ness...more so due to side effects from the coctail they had me poppin' i believe. but anyhoo- anxiety popped up. very odd feeling for me. i'm not one to be held back- i was fearless! and all of a sudden i'm afraid to walk a click to the store alone? wtf?!! anyhoo- still being the stubborn git i am, i refused to allow that to dictate my life. i've been through it all before, and if i let it rule me, than what's the point? if i die...i die. if i seize, well it'll be something to laugh about in afew months....'did i tell ya bout the time i woke up in the store surrounded by people freaking out thinking i was possesed?....' lol s*it happens is my theory and how i manage to push through.
i'm currently between doctors, unmedicated, and uncontrolled. i've lost everything and got it all (almost) back in the span of 5 years. still can't drive n whatnot, you know the deal. but having gone from relative normalcy to paralising fear over nothing, to physically not being able to just "get over it"....well i'd had enough. i'm not my problem. i'm a bigger person than that and if i don't live my own life, no ones going to do it for me. i've never been handed anything, and i had to work for this too....and darn did i ever!i'm still a bit of a spazz when it comes to having to take long trips, public transport alone, doing this that or the other.....but there's life out there, and i intend to participate. if it happens...it happens.
though i fully admit to having myself a personal breakdown alone at times. so frustrating having one diagnosis (you have seizures...you're epileptic.....we think) and a whole bunch of confused looks from every doctor. i'm normal on paper....i'm seizing otherwise!
as far as the being alone...partials are horrid for me...knowing it's coming, i'd rather be hit out of the blue to be honest. but i put the same frame of mind into play when i'm alone....i'll mamange...this is gonna suck....but remember...endophnes kick in before you get knocked out! i'll wake up confused and in pain.....but i'll manage....again!
ahhh and lamictal....horrid stuff! lol not as bad as tegretol...but def nasty stuff. good for nothing.