Posted 7/20/2008 11:40 PM (GMT -7)
Ahhhhhh quiet in the house,Jay is asleep and I have a few minutes to put my feet up before bed. I think that for some things Jayson has selective memory and hearing as well lol but, he is having probems for real with his short term memory and I think that is stress related from work. He manages a Subway sandwich store and his crew is pretty lame at the moment. HIs store got wrote up the other day and he was really upset because he takes great care in keeping it up to par and the inspection happened on his day off but he still gets in trouble for it since the store and his crew is his responsibility.
As for home he did clean the tub and shower and the bathroom floor and then I go in and do the toilet and vanity,clean off all the lil things that goon the shelves and wash the rugs. As for the kitchen floor welllllllllll, I did the whole thing. I know that it was too much,mopping and sweeping and vaccuuming are killer to my back but I have a white floor in the kitchen the kind with tons of tiny lil lines all through the vinyl and ya get areas where those lines get filled with dirt that the mop wont get even if you let the cleaner sit for a few. So I was trying to show Jay that for those areas you have to put the cleaner down then use good ole elbow grease and a scrub brush to get it clean. So I was on my hands and knee's and got the one spot clean then scooted over to the next spot and finally realized I was creeping my way across the floor and was going to turn it over to Jay but when I looked for him behind me he had sat back on the sofa(ya can see part way into my kitchen from the livng room ) and Jayson had fallen asleep sitting up and the sofa!!!
I didnt get mad at all,he had got up early this morning for a meeting at work to chew his drews butt so he was tired. So I just continued on getting all the spots off the floor and then finished the reg mopping as well. And let me tell ya there was this sharp pain in my low back!! but I got it done and it looks nice and thennnnnnnnn I glanced out the back sliding door and noticed my white lawn chairs and tables that I still had not scrubbed for summer and they were calling Karennnnnnnn wash me!!! no really I heard it lol and there was my voice of reason saying noooooooo dont do it but ya I did as well as the lil kids chairs for my grandkids and the slide we have for them. I was about half dead when I saw the slide but then I remebered last week that the baby wanted to slide and she couldnt because it was dirty so I just had to do the slide.
Tonight I am not in as bad of shape as I thought I would be,we will see what the morning bringsand I have to get up early cause we are taking the very bumpy bus into the next town to go to walmart. Going to walmart isnt too bad though,not like the all day trips to the mall or Seattle and we will be home by lunch. I am still worried about the edema in my legs and feet. Still very puffy today but I was bad and really never got the chance to elevate my legs. I was thinking I know I do have some edema issues but never this bad so what could be the culprit? And I think part of it was I ate about 4large Clausens dill pickle halves yesterday. I normaly am not a pickle person( lol that sounds funny he he pickle person) but for some reason that tasted so good on a hot day,but lots of sodium!! And besides doing all those chores at home I went over to moms again and brought her some more food so on my feet even longer. She was just sitting down to eat some cookies( woa big surprize! she loves sweets more then what she should be eating) and she was moaning and groaning getting into her chair. She has osteo arthritis and she walks almost bent in half with her spine in bad shape plus scoliosis(sp?) so I gave her a neck and back rub while she ate. It shocks me how thin she has gotten and made me want to cry to feel how frail her body was under my fingertips. She started to cry and I asked if I was hurting hr and she said"no honey I just dont know why you are so good to me?) and then I did cry. I just told her because she is my mom and I love her. I have been working real hard on not getting mad at her even when she is at her meanest because for #1 . it doesnt solve anything and #2. it hurts my health and #3. and this is the big one......with my mother getting more and more frail each month and getting older (shes 76) everytime I see her could very well be the last time I see her.
I think about this more and more lately. I try not to dwell on it and think with as stubborn as she is she might out live me,ya never know? But it does freak me out to know that with me coming over everyday most likely it will be me that finds her when she dies if she is not in the hospital. I hate the way my brother is so flip with his remarks of " well you have to take care of everything when she does anyway". I am well aware of this as I am her soul benificiary and I have already sat down with her and talked out what she would like done after she is gone and we are comfortable talking about those things. But I know that as much as she drives me crazy at times I will be crushed when she's gone so I try to keep that in mind when she is calling me for the 10th time in one day or shes not ready to go when we are going somewhere. I have to remember in the sceme(sp?) of things,really what does it matter?
I am learningn so many things from the ppl I have met on this forum. I am learning not to rush so much and to truly stop to enjoy life even if it's silkscreen butterflies on an old womans wall =) and for that I thank you all. No to say that I am not going to come here to B****(see censored myself) sometimes,hey we all need to blow off steam lol. And I am sorry if I take up so much room on these pages at times but know I am mostly smiling when I am typing these words. OK time for me to go to bed. I am tired and as of now I DO hurt all over ackkkkk lol good night.
Mom of one gramma to 4
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain