Cindy, don't be so hard on yourself. You are doing all that you can at the moment. And, I think things will get better. I have had fibro for 21 years and I am better than when I started. When fibro hit me I was in terrible pain from head to toe. My elbows were like I banged the "funny bone" and I couldn't stand it. I even entertained the thought of amputation to get rid of the pain! I know that sounds crazy, but that's how bad it was. My doctor put me on ibuprofen (600 mg. every six hours around the clock) and Tylenol and that did help me. I kept moving and stretching and doing things, and slowly, and the pain eased. I started learning what caused me more pain and avoided that. So, I think, once you get a handle on this, you will learn how to control it. Also, stress really makes things worse and you sound very stressed out. Please try to relax a little and take one day at a time. Don't project yourself in the future, since none of us know what that holds for us...even with fibro!
I do take malic acid/magnesium supplements now. I started these last December and I don't have to take as much ibuprofen now. (Always take ibuprofen with food!) It has really helped. Also, I get light massages and I do feel better after them. Rice bags help. You can heat them in the microwave and they give off moist heat. In the Fibro 101 thread, there is a link to stretching exercises that don't take long to do but they do help to keep the muscles more flexible so there isn't as much discomfort. Walk, when you get a chance. Walking helps with the pain and any gentle exercise is good for fibro.
I also have Crohn's disease and that causes a lot of pain and diarrhea. I was your age when it hit me. I had three children, ages 4 1/2, 2 years, and 10 months old. The Crohn's caused me not to be able to do things with my children, either. I couldn't be far from a bathroom. It was horrible and I felt guilty about it for many years. I did try to do all I could and I was as good a Mom as I knew how to be. Well, a few years ago, I broke down crying to my children that I felt horrible that I couldn't do what the other Mom's were doing when they were younger. I wanted to take them on picnics and so on but was unable to because of illness. My children were so surprised that I felt that way! They said that I was a far better mother than what any of their friends had. I was always there for them, I always had a meal on the table and we had family dinner every night. So, it's the quality time that counts, Cindy. I'm sure your children love you heaps and, as they grow, will understand more and more.
So, try to take a breath and only do what you can do. Your family can pitch in. You can't do everything you used to do in the same amount of time. It will get done but not as fast. Explain to them that your muscles hurt so you could use their help. Also, if you have a bad day and the yelling ensues, you can apologize and tell them that you have not felt well that day so you didn't have the patience you should have. Children understand more than we think.
It will work out. You will find what works for you to help your pain. You shouldn't be this miserable all of your life. There is help available. We are here with ideas, too, to help you live a full and enjoyable life.
By the way, summers are my worst time with fibro. You just may find that when the humidity and rains leave, so will a lot of your pain! Just take one day at a time and be thankful for all of the things you CAN do! Besides, it sounds like you have a lovely family to be thankful for. Enjoy them instead of dwelling on the pain. I find it fades in the background when I focus on other things. I do hope you have a much better day today. You are a great Mom!
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Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7