Back from a long grandkid visit

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 8/22/2008 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Good Afternoon Everyone,
Just got back from a long visit at my daughters and also visited with my 4 grandkids.  I had spent all day tuesday in town with them and then we took the bus back to their house that night and I just got home a lil while ago.  Boy I tell ya lack of sleep was the worst of it.  There just seems to be so much to cram into a visit and we never get to it all.  After the kids are finally in bed is when my daughter wants to hang out and I ususally end up helping her with laundry that has built up.  Sometimes I wonder if she knows I am coming if she saves it all for the visit lol.  With her having 4 kids there are mountains of clothes that have to be folded and put on hangers then put away.  We didnt go to bed till about 3am on tuseday and wednsday we climbed in bed at 4:30 am and of course by 7am the kids are all awake and crawling over us in bed.
We had alot of rain the first few days so took advantage yesterday of a nice sunny day.  We were playing outside allllllll day yesterday.  My daughter has a nurse that comes in several times a week to take care of her youngest special needs child.  I got to tell you I dont know how this woman makes a buck.  I have never met anyone so lazy and less capable of taking care of my granddaughter.  This gal has got to be 400 plus pounds and can barely getaround herself with blown knee's.  She had Kirsten bringing her things and we had to seriously prompt her to put Kirsten on the potty or to go outside to play.  Her idea of taking the baby to play is she sits on the porch and I took walks and pulled Kirsten in the wagon.  Thank God she isnt coming back after the 25th.  Barb said as soon as she found out she was leaving this job she just got worse and worse about good care not that she ever did a great job.  You guys know me and I am not one to stay quiet specailly if it involves my grandkids.  I pretty much told her she was a disgrace to her profession in her pathetic attempt at nursing.
I was doing pretty good most of the visit except for being tired but yesterday did me in.  Last night the pain came on fast and hard.  My legs were killing me and all my muscles were on fire to the point where I was crying.  Then I got into it with my daughter because here it was after midnight again and she was upset that I kept dozing off while she was trying to go through boxes of old family stuff with me.  I told her helloooooooo do you not even realize how much today took out of me and how hard this is for me right now.  It's like I have gotten myself on a schedule at home to try and be in bed by 10 so I can get in enough sleep with all my getting up and here she has me up to all hours of the night and gets mad that a person on narcotic drugs is sleepy by 2am?  I just felt sad at first like no matter how hard I try I still am letting someone down but then I got mad.  I dont want to go back to buying into that mindset and I was proud of myself for sticking up for me and telling her to back off and be lucky I did so much as it was.  Ya like helping her with laundry for 5 hours straight!!and making dinner each night and helping with her kids and she got mad with me dozing off? yikes sheesh some ppl your never going to please and as much as they say they understand fibro and other illnesses going on with me if they havent lived it they will never truely understand.
So now I am home and we will see how much Jay expects outta me since I havent been here for 4 days to cater to his needs.  At least there are no extra messes here but nothing extra cleaned either so I had chores waiting for me as soon as I got unpacked.  Still having edema issues with my legs and they are swollen today so I guess I will spend this evening with them up yay!  Anyways I did overall have a good visit and I already miss the kids like crazy.  There were lots of tears before climbing on the bus home but my son in law will be going out about every other month for a month at a time so I will go back but I am going to have to have a long talk with my daughter about expectations and not putting pressure on me when I have gone above and beyond my limits already.  Glad to be home and I missed reading the forum and will try to catch up.
Soft Hug's,
Mom of one gramma to 4
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17499
   Posted 8/22/2008 2:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Karen, I'm so glad you had a good visit and I'm also glad to see you didn't back down to  your daughter.  You did wonderfully well to be able to stay up that late and to be able to help as much as you did!  You are right.  You don't want to fall back into those old patterns.  You have nothing to be guilty about.  If anything, your daughter should not expect you to do that much when you are visiting. 
It's good that Jay didn't leave extra messes around the house.  I'd tell him that you appreciate that.  I know you wish he had done a little extra, but maybe by praising him now, he'll do more next time!
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 8/22/2008 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
So glad you had a good visit! It is always impossible to day everything we wnat to do in a short time. My sister lives 8 hours away, and we try to cram so much in a visit too, but then it goes so fast. Unlike you though, I could never stay up that late! Midnight is pretty much tops for me. Don't overdo it now that you are back, the chores can wait. Try to catch up on some sleep :)
in the land of Limbo, taking OTC meds only.
Don't know what's wrong, can't fix it, doctors are so sloooow!!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 8/22/2008 6:03 PM (GMT -7)   

Way to go Karen! You tell that lazy nurse.  I'm not a person who likes conflict but mess with my family and I will give it to you  nono .  Your granddaughter deserves better and she is lucky to have you for a grandma.  I'm glad you enjoyed your visit. 

Wow, those were late nights.  I wouldn't have been able to function if I went to bed past 11.  Really I would be sick to my stomach and in so much pain.  Try not to take your daughters behavior to personally.  She may be having a hard time giving up the mother/daughter roll.  Just talk to her and remind her that you would love to spend all night helping her but you just can't do it anymore.  Maybe there is something else you could do that wouldn't be so taxing on you.

I agree with Sherrine, praising Jay for his efforts might make him feel good enough to help out a little more.  You never know  smilewinkgrin  .

Good to have you back.            


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 8/23/2008 1:56 AM (GMT 0)   
Karen, I'm glad your back safe and sound.  There's nothing like grandchildren, but they sure do wear you out too.
Take a few days of rest and get back in shape.  Sounds like Jay is a pretty good fella.  You might want to keep him around for a while.
God Bless!
Of all the things that I have lost, I miss my mind the most!!!!

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41836
   Posted 8/23/2008 8:04 AM (GMT -7)   

I am so proud of you speaking up to that nurse and to your daughter. I am happy that all in all you had a nice visit with them. Now take it easy and catch up on you...

Have a great day

hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 8/23/2008 8:54 AM (GMT -7)   

Karen, glad you're home. Hope you got some rest last night, in your own bed. Glad you stuck up for yourself, you know how strong you can be. Hopefully, the message will finally sink in to your daughter. I have relatives, who know exactly what I'm feeling and explain it to me. When I correct them, they tell me it can't be that way, because they have had pain and their version is right. If I had to live w/ them on a full time basis. I would go out of what's left of my mind. My sister believes she is the only person who has experienced pain, so she is an authority on what I must be feeling, and God knows it couldn't be as bad as hers. Since I'm not living in her body I wouldn't make a judgment of her pain, but don't dismiss mine, either. She will tell me what I SHOULD do and what I MUST do. I start w/ a smile and tell her she needs to stop, now. Then she gets mad, because she is only trying to "help". I do not like to be pushed, and she doesn't like to back off. She got annoyed because the Lyrica didn't work, I should try it again. I've tried it 2x. I've told her stress doesn't help me, she doesn't see these 'conversations' as stressful.

Hope today is a good day for you.       God bless.   Alice.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 8/23/2008 9:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Go Karen!

So proud of you for sticking up for yourself with your daughter. We have "limits" and you already go above and beyond for everyone in your life. Some day I hope she realizes that.

This nurse sounds like a piece of work- I would have done the same thing, nobody messes with my family either. Take care of yourself. GamJill
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Zanaflex

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 8/23/2008 11:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I spent some vacation time with my daughter & her kids this summer and it was a mixed blessing, too. One thing I'm finding is she doesn't want me to exhibit signs of fibro because it makes her anxious about me getting older and aging. We've lost several family members in the last few years and I believe she is having some thoughts about the fact that I'll be heading along after them in the next 20 years or so, too. Maybe your daughter is having fears about you slowing down? Either way, just KOKO! (Keep on keepin' on!)
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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