I know I haven't really said much about this, because I have a hard time censoring myself at times. But, I just want to comment to all of you ladies (and one amazing man, John) for being so open with your feelings about this. I know I am a little bit younger than a lot of y'all, so it's actually very refreshing to hear that some of the more mature people are willing to be so honest about this subject.
You are possibly one of the bravest, most honest and compassionate men I've "never met." LOL I've been in a REALLY horrible, abusive relationship, so I have a really hard time trusting men. Actually, I have a hard time trusting anyone. Anyway, you have given me some hope that there just might be a few good men out there. I hope your wife realizes just how truly blessed she is to have you. Yes, sex is important to woman (I don't know why a lot of men think that we don't think about it as much-if not more-than they do), but so is compassion, romance, and understanding. I'm sorry to all the people in CA, but I just haven't been able to find a real gentleman out here. But, John, wherever you live, you ARE a real gentleman. Thank you for reminding me that y'all DO exist.
Alrighty, ladies (and John, I think I can speak for all of us when I say that you are more than welcome to be "one of the girls," LOL ), I just wanted to let y'all know that you've helped me start dealing with a few (of many) of my "men issues" because of this thread.
And, my dear, dear, QTKaren, you are amazing! BTW-I hope you feel better, soon. Write me back when you can, but no hurry.
Hi Kelly! Wow, thank you so much for those sweet compliments!
Your calling me a REAL gentleman is one of the finest compliments a man should ever be proud of receiving.....it's what I WANT to be and what I strive for so thank you again for that! That red glow and associated heat waves that you see on the horizon far to your southeast (since you mention California, I assume that's where you are) is my face glowing all the way over here in Texas. I live 40 miles or so northwest of the Houston area where we are all getting ready for our nasty little visitor, Ike!
I am so, so sorry that you have had to endure abuse of any kind. I am completely close-minded when it comes to that subject.....abuse of any kind is totally NOT ACCEPTABLE!!!!! I have no tolerance, patience or understanding for it whatsoever and I wish it never existed!!!!! I can completely understand your trust issues.....you have been VIOLATED and treated as sub-human and that is not acceptable. Anger, disagreements, misunderstandings, mistakes, passions.....they're all part of natural human nature and they happen. However, God and society gave us a set of rules within which to operate our emotions and actions and nowhere does the word "abuse" appear! Momentary loss of control can and does happen because we ARE human and therefore not perfect but it is our God and society-commanded duty to do our very best to maintain control at all times! Please don't judge all men by the actions of the bad apples. There ARE good guys out there and I bet there are even a few in California if you look hard enough dear. Please don't let your heart overrule your feminine intuition and moral standards. Those are outstanding God-given tools so use them to your advantage!
As for my wife, I must have done something right for her to stay with me for 35 years (including dating, going steady and marriage time). Our 13 year old daughter is one other good reason to try to make this work. Everybody has in their own mind who their "ideal" partner should be. That I fall short of "ideal" standards is not surprising because I personally don't think that the pairing of "ideal" and "human" will ever exist. That you have expectations, hopes, dreams and strive for that pairing is commendable but unrealistic. I have fallen short of several of her "ideals" but I must have passed more than I failed. What you and others may see as compassionate and understanding, for instance, she sees as a weakness in me, kinda' strange and less than manly in her mind. She says I'm too nice, too acceptable, too forgiving, too compassionate, too understanding.....things that have always "bothered" her about me.....not HER impression of what a man SHOULD be! So there you are......perceptions of what I SHOULD be on top of the stereotypical sex-preoccupied man!
You know, she has her shortcomings to MY "ideal" as well but I'm much better at handling hers than she is with mine. I guess that's where all of that "too much compassion, understanding etc." stuff that I am comes into play. The bottom line is that I truly want her to be as happy as she can possibly be and if that means her looking for a "righter" guy to be happy with then so be it. It would be better than her staying with me for just "most" of the right reasons.
We all have "issues" of one kind or another and I am happy and proud to be of any help to you and everyone else here with any of them. And thanks for letting me be one of the "girls" too!
Gentlest of hugs,