It's hard for me to not feel guilty when things don't get done. I am somewhat of a perfectionist, and when I see a bunch of stuff lying around, it drives me crazy. It's like the house won't get cleaned unless I do. My husband will do the dishes every now and then, but that is pretty much it...
The past few days I have been relaxing, and I feel guilty about it. I took care of my son more the other day, and when my husband got back home, I passed out from exhaustion for three or four hours.
I want my husband to get a job because I can't stand being poor. But I just don't know how I am going to handle it. I don't really have many people who can help me. My sister does, but she has to know at least a day or two in advance. My mom would help me, but she works really hard, and her husband is kind of a jackass. He loves my son, but for some reason he doesn't like it when my mom comes over to help me out.
I feel so alone. I feel like I have no one, and I feel like no one really cares about me. I know that they do, but I don't think they really believe how much pain I am in. The only person who can see it is my husband and that is because he knows me so well. People tell me all the time that I "don't look sick". My thought on that is that just because I don't look sick doesn't meant that I'm not.
Somedays I just want to get away from it all. I feel like such a burden on everyone. Not just because of the fibro, but also because I don't have a job and we have to ask our families for money. Our town here in Indiana isn't really hiring any jobs, or any jobs that would make a difference.
Anyways. I would like to keep talking, but I don't want to write a novel for you all.
~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few.
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.