I won't say I've been where you girls are at cause I did not get fibro til my family was pretty much raised. I was in my 50s when I was dxd and for that I am very thankful. I was a very strong woman that prided herself on being able to do it all. I was a perfectionist and no one could do anything around the house as well as I could so it was easier for me to do it myself to begin with. That made for a pretty easy life for my family.
Fibro set in slowly for me and it took quite awhile before I just couldn't keep up with everything and everybody anymore. I went through the depression, anger and why me phase. It wasn't fair, what had I ever done to deserve this DD. I would push and push myself to still try to keep up with everything. I didn't know any other way to live my life but full steam ahead. The new body I was in was foreign to me and it was failing to live up to my expectations. I couldn't get it to do the things my mind wanted it to do and it was very frustrating and depressing.
Then there was the family that did not understand the new me and the fatigue and pain. I didn't understand it so how was I suppose to explain it to anyone else. So I just kept on plodding along pushing and pushing this new body I was in cause that was what was expected of me. I mean you can't really tell your family that you have a new body that your living in and it's a lemon.
Then almost 17 mos ago our oldest grandson was killed in Iraq. He wasn't quite 21 yrs old. I shut down and didn't do anything for three months but sit and cry. The psychological pain was worse than the physical pain I was feeling. I barely moved for those three months and lost a lot of physical strength.
Last August in my weakened state I decided I had to find some help for this disorder I had called fibro and I found this forum. They kept telling me I had to move, had to move. For whatever reason I did slowly start moving more and I did regain some of my physical strength but I'm still not back to where I was physically before Michael was killed and the pain has increased greatly in the past 17 mos.
But mentally I have come a long ways when it comes to the fibro. My mind has accepted the new body I live in and I have learned when given lemons, make lemonade. I stopped dwelling on all I can't do and starting being thankful for all I can still do. I have realized how short life is and we can chose how we live it. We are in control of our thoughts even though we may not be in control of our bodies. I heard something on TV the other night. Spend your time enjoying the birds instead of trying to figure out how you can fly.
You girls will get to where some of us are with fibro. It takes time and a lot of positive self talk to get here. I've let go of the perfectionism and it is really rather nice not being self driven all the time to be perfect.
luv and hugs
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