Fibro Friendships

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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/21/2008 4:07 PM (GMT -7)   
Have any of you experienced friends saying "im so tired, i must have CFS", or "im aching and tired, i must have what you have" etc etc.
i have a friend who, like the rest of the population works full time and is in good health. when she gets home from work, she whines about having CFS etc because "no one is this tired." If she is anxious or nervous about something, she suddenly has Panic Disorder.
it frustrates me so badly. she has NO idea what i go through, but its like its a competition- if im diagnosed with something, she runs off and decided after consulting the internet, that she has whatever i have. i feel like slapping her and wish she could walk a mile in my shoes and she would see that she is tired the same way everyone is tired. she has no sinister illness, she just wants people to believe she does, for attention etc.
has anyone else experienced this?
'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines,  acid reflux, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.

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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 10/21/2008 4:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Mazfire,

Nice to meet you, btw. I do understand some of what you are talking about. I have a friend who does this sort of thing with pain. If my legs are having shooting pains down to my toes and I happen to mention it then this person has horrid pains in the legs, worse than mine of course.

For the longest time it really annoyed me. This person does have some health issues but no where the pain that I experience. I finally sat down and thought about it and here's what I decided for myself. First, I decided to keep my pain to myself, where this person is concerned. No more talk of where or how much it hurts. I don't need/want this person's compassion. Second, it only saps what strength I have to worry and get upset over this. That person apparently needs more attention than I do. I share with hubby, after discussing how much he really wants to hear, and decided that I don't need to discuss it with others...except on here or my doc. It's what I had to decide to do for my survival.

Won't work for everyone but it has helped me in this case.
Co-Mod Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, collapsed disk, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteo arthritis in spine and other locations.

The only difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has it's limits. Albert Einstein: (1879-1955)

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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17524
   Posted 10/21/2008 4:35 PM (GMT -7)   
Mazfire, I think we all have friends, acquaintances, and family that are like that.  I have a friend that acts like the world is coming to an end if she has any discomfort.  I, like Chutz, don't discuss my problems if I can avoid it.  They really don't understand.
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 10/21/2008 5:08 PM (GMT -7)   

I lived in the South for awhile and they have a term for it; "poor mouthing". In other words complaing about their health problems. i have a friend with lung cancer, people come to his place and complain of discomforts. It makes him nuts.

Both my moter and my sister have copied my lifestyle and that makes me nuts. If I dye my hair, red, next time I see either of them, they're sporting, you guesed it, red hair. If I take up a sport or hobby, they do also. My mother oncw wrote a Autobiography, Forth Step, life history, whatever you want to call it,

I guess I should be flattered, but I'm not, I'm spooked, it was all about me. She took my inventory. So, yes, I can appreciate your frustratuion. It's enough to be in pain all the time, without having someobe trivialize it by claiming they are in the same state.

Green Grove
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Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 10/21/2008 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   

It is annoying, but I was thinking the other day about many things, and I'm wondering if some of it is not a twisted empathy. . . They care enough about you to show that they understand by overdramatizing all their ailments. . . Makes me feel bad for them now (mentally not physically:)


Dream as if you'll live forever. . . Live as if you will die today. . .
James Dean

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 10/21/2008 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
i work with a lady that is like that... when you say how sore you are or can hardly hold a pen to write and your hands are swollen then all of a sudden hers is ten times worse she is supposed to have fibromyalgia but i am beginning to wonder if it isn't just a ploy to get attention...

for me i have found that not speaking about it in front of her she doesn't have the problems and if you say you are okay even when all you want to do is curl up and die it is so much better than listening to her

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/22/2008 12:01 AM (GMT -7)   

thankyou for the feedback and advice- i wont be mentioning any facets of my health in front of her again. its quite toxic.

when i was at university, i lived in the dorm- my neighbour always copied or mimicked my illnesses- i was told to take it as a compliment, but i found it odd and unnerving.

i am so grateful for this forum, because everyone here knows HOW it feels to be THIS sick, all the time. friends and family try, but they cant truly grasp the concept of chronic poor health, because they have never experienced it on this scale.


Thanks so much for the advice,


'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines,  acid reflux, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 10/22/2008 7:00 AM (GMT -7)   
I have a SIL that dxd herself with fibro. That is what she calls her little aches and pains. She is why I never thought about having fibro before I was dxd, I thought it was just a few aches and pains. There have been many times when she starts complaining that I want to scream. She only hurts in her joints sometimes, she doesn't have fatigue, muscle soreness or any of the other things that goes with fibro. She probably has a little osteoarthritis in some of her joints. Yeah, I would like for her to spend a few days in my body so she can see what fibro really feels like.
Like many others when someone asks me how I feel I say not too bad today. I do have some friends and family that really do want to know what it feels like to have fibro so I do try to explain it to them.
luv and hugs
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getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41907
   Posted 10/22/2008 9:27 AM (GMT -7)   
Sometimes we really don't know how that other person really feels, just like they don't know how we really feel. I have a friend with fibro too (I think). Whenever she asks me how I have been, I say that I am good. Then she doesn't talk about herself. I have turned her on to vitamin D and Malic acid. She doesn't even take them when I give them to her. So I don't think she is really trying at all. And if she does feel bad, that is probably why. But I gave up a long time ago. I just go one day to the next. If she complains, I just listen and let it go at that. It is much easier that way.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 10/22/2008 11:06 AM (GMT -7)   
My Mom is exactly the same way.  If she has been around anyone that has been sick she surely must be coming down with it too and if I mention any kind of new symptom she has it too.  This with her,has mostly been since she has gotten older and I know it is a way for her to draw attention to herself.  My daughter and I actually joke about it now,it's like why keep getting mad about it? she is just going to do it anyways.  So sometimes when we visit her or I will say ohhhhhhhhh I think I have a fever! or some ailment or another and see how long it takes for my Mom to pipe in with she has exactly the same thing and it must be something going around lol.  I have had friends in the past that were that way too.  It did get irritating when your in pain and someone else acts like it's no big deal because they feel that way all the time too.  But it seems like alot of those ppl are that way in other areas of their life too such as if you tell them about something good you have done then they just had to have done something even bigger and better or if you say you just bought something they had to have had even better so as to diminish the great thing you are talking about.  I found it was better to just not chose to have those ppl in my life because really,what kind of conversation can you have with someone who always has to one up you?  Can't chose your family though so with Mom we just mess with her instead lol.
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
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