yesterday and today...hope for tomorrow?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 90
   Posted 10/23/2008 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Yesterday and today have been awful. I keep feeling like I want to invite one of my friends over so I can talk to them - but none of them really understands. I get the feeling that my boyfriend (Tom) is starting to get frustrated with me, which in all honesty scares me a little since he is the only one that I feel understands at all. We have a class at five on Thursdays (as it is Thursday at 5:12 while I am currently writing this you can safely assume I didn't go). Its a class for voice and piano students to sing and play their pieces before recital.
Anyway - yesterday during choir I got this shooting pain up my back and it felt almost like the muscles in my back were locking up - I'm not sure how else to describe it. I sat down in the middle of the song and ended up starting to cry - I don't remember the last time I've been so embarassed. Thankfully I've gotten pretty skilled at hiding things like this and only a few people noticed. It was the last song we were singing and everyone but those few filed out of the choir room. I had my sign language class afterwards which I ended up missing. I couldn't even sit up straight. Tom helped me back to my room after about half an hour then made me promise I'd go to my next class (which I was not happy about) but I did end up going though I can't tell you anything we talked about. Basically - it was a sucky day.
The night wasn't much better. I remember waking up repeatedly from the pain.
Today began alright. Walked out of my room and down the hall of my dorm to class - big day - had an interpreting project in class today - halfway down the hall and I start to fall over crying again from the pain. Tom and I get to class and I wait outside in hopes that it'll go away so I can present what I have to do. Tom and my grade for the day was dependent on each other. I never got better. My teacher however is one of the nicest people I've ever met so we are going next Thursday.
Long story short - which I've already failed at - today sucked as well.
For the class that I've just recently opted out of going to - I decided it was much more important after the hectic day I've had (which I skipped over) to finally lay down and rest. I end up not doing a lot of things I usually say I'm going to do or don't go to as many classes as everyone else but I got the feeling today from Tom that he is upset with me because of it. I don't know...I think it might be all in my head...who knows. But tomorrow I have class from 11-3...oh right - and a midterm!! Can't forget about that. And the two day stretch of a migraine - forgot to mention that one...So to sum up again...I hurt...and I'm frustrated...and I'm sad. I needed someone to vent to - so you guys got it. I'm glad at least there is someone out there who understands, even if it just ends up being words on a screen.
~~Asthma, Reactive Airway Disease, Allergies (to nature), Fibromyalgia, Kidney Reflux Disease, Chronic Migraines (docs currently working on those), Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Restless Leg Syndrome, and a few others that remain undiagnosed because I don't feel like being on anymore medication than I am already on. ~~

~~ I'm 21 and trying to be optimistic~~

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 368
   Posted 10/24/2008 5:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Your boyfriend is having trouble understanding, it took a couple years for my husband to stop with the soldier on thing and really accept that the pain was beyond any normal pain , and it was real.  It crippled me and I lost contact with some of my family who couldnt come to the terms that  hey, I just cant go on as usual..... I never thought I could get through to the stage im at now which is much better but it took alot of docs and 2 pain specialist to get onto proper meds which made the dif,  I can get through aa day now but it is always there and to be honest it scares me to death to think of the future , in fact even now.  You are first priority now is a time to be selfish and  not feel guilty.   o.k      sue2z :-) :-) :-)
Fibromyalgia, ulcerative colonitus, arthritus, bi-polar
norspan patch, valium, prothiedon, lyrica

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 10/24/2008 6:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry you've had a rotten couple of days.  And you are right, we DO understand.
I admire you for continuing to try to live your life fully with this illness.  Please remember to be gentle with yourself (both physically and emotionally), and praise yourself for those things you do accomplish.
I didn't have fibro until I was about 30, but I've had other illnesses since I was a teen.  I remember how hard it was trying to get through college being sick.  Hang in there.  You can do this. :-)
It took a long time for my husband (who was also my boyfriend in college) to understand all of my illnesses and limitations.  One thing that helped was taking him to some of my doctor's appointments where he could hear it straight from the horse's mouth, so to speak.
Remember to take time to stretch, relax, and breathe, and try to take the best care of yourself you can.
Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 10/24/2008 8:13 AM (GMT -7)   
I sooo hope you have a better day today Leeriesan. You are trying so hard and there are so many young people out there without health problems that aren't trying to better themselves. You should be proud of what you do get done in a day and not concentrate on what you don't get done. Keep track of your accomplishments not your failures. The way we talk to ourselves makes a big difference.
It took my DH a long time to really get this, as much as someone without fibro can get it. I would take Tom to doc apps and have him read on this forum how tough fibro is. This is not a disorder for sissies. If the big strong men in our lives lived in our bodies for awhile they would be begging to get out. turn
It rained here yesterday and chance of showers today so the weather maynot be helping you either if you got it down there.
Hang in there and I hope you can get some help with the pain soon.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 10/24/2008 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
You can always vent here, we do understand. You have to remember that it is hard for others to get this DD. My sister has fibro, and I didn't understand then. I knew it was bad, because she was taking morphine, but then after seeing her up about about, I would wonder, why doesn't she just try harder? Shake it off so to speak? Now that I know, I feel horrible. So maybe this is my karma :)

BTW, it's nice to meet you. And you should be very proud of all you are accomplishing. Marlee is right, focus on that instead of what you can't do. I hope you are having a better day today!

<FONT color=#0000ff>Waiting for appointment with rheumy (March 2009) to get an official dx. waiting, waiting, waiting....
Taking malic acid/magnesium combo, what a life saver! and amitriptyline

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17497
   Posted 10/24/2008 1:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I think you are doing a great job!  Once you get through this quarter/semester maybe  you should cut down on your load a little.  It will take you a little longer to graduate but you wouldn't be missing classes, etc.  You are trying to do too much and your body is screaming at  you.
But, you should be so proud of what you are accomplishing.  College isn't a breeze for the healthy individual.  You have pain and fatigue and are still carrying a full load.  Maybe you could take classes in the summer or on line to help, if you decide to lighten your load. 
We are here to listen and help with ideas whenever we have some.  So, you are not alone.  We do understand.
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 10/24/2008 5:54 PM (GMT -7)   

Hi Leeriesan,

try not to be hard on yourself- i was diagnosed at 14yrs of age and understand the difficulty of balancing school with illness. im now 28 and managed to get a double degree under difficult circumstances- my health, both mental and physical was just so fragile at the time.

my 4 year degree took me 5 years because i had to take a lighter load in order to physically cope- i was missing classes and lectures etc and although my college professors were kind and patient, i knew i was frustrating them. so i spread my classes out a bit and made it in the end. having a lighter load was the only option as my body perpetually failed me.

i started out nursing in oncology, but have ended up a high school teacher- art & english, which is physically demanding and emotionally draining, but i cope by literally taking life one day at a time- otherwise i would be overwhelmed.

i know how it feels to be young and feel incapacitated. cry   you feel trapped and helpless- ive always wanted everyone in the world to spend just one day in the life of a chronically ill person, so they would know that our illnesses may be invisible to them, but they are just as real as people who are crippled by illnesses that the naked eye sees.

peace & blessings, always here for a chat

Maz XX

'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, GERD, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Trichotilomania, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, Encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Nexium. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie. XX.

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