First of all, I should let you know that I have never been married, and I don't have kids. But I am a 36 year old woman with fibro. Recently, I had to move back home to SC and live with my parents because of financial issues and my illness. Not only is it humiliating, at times I think it makes my fibro worse. But, that's another topic.
Just a question, but do you ever ask your wife what you can do for her? I don't mean physical things. If my parents would just take the time to ask me things and talk to me (in a non sarcastic way), it would help me a lot. This is just my opinion, but if y'all make a point to sit down and talk calmly, maybe she would tell you what she needed from you. Like Sherrine said, everyone deals with fibro in their own way. People have varying degrees of pain, and just because she doesn't talk about it doesn't mean she doesn't have it. Personally, I've just kept quiet about my pain (which is excruciating at times) because I feel like no one really hears me. And, my parents are the type of people who say things like "get over it," or "suck it up." That just makes me feel worse. Also, having fibro isn't a matter of just "being tired." It's being fatigued. Your wife could sleep 24/7 and still feel fatigued. BTW-she may have sleep problems, so she may be staying up late watching TV because she can't sleep. I'm sure she feels burdened with a tremendous amount of guilt, because her body has betrayed her. And, she also may be depressed. I'm sure I would be if I were in her situation. Again, this is just my opinion.
Has your wife tried to apply for any kind of assistance? I don't know what state you live in, but I think she could at least try and get Medicaid. This would help with paying for medical things. And, depending on your income, you could get food stamps. I just moved from CA, and they have their own state disability. Unfortunately, only a few states have this, so when I moved home to SC, I had to apply for Medicaid, SSDI, and SSI. I know it takes a long time to get SSDI & SSI, and she'll probably be denied the first time she applies. I just applied, so I'm assuming that I'll get denied. But, it's always a good idea to try to get assistance. And, who knows? Maybe I'll get lucky and get it on my first try.
Anyway, my main advice is communication. Keep talking without being condescending or sarcastic (I'm not saying that you are talking to her this way, but if you are, believe me, it doesn't help). Be honest and tell her how you are feeling and listen to her when she talks to you. I think it's easy to assume things about people, but imagine trying to walk a day in her shoes (LOL-no pun intended about the shoes). I don't know how painful she is, but for me, I try to explain my pain by saying that I feel like I'm bruised all over. Really think about what your wife does and what she has to deal with on a daily basis. It isn't about cooking or taking pictures or selling stuff on ebay. It's so much more than that. I can't speak for your wife, but I think she might agree.
Or, I could be totally wrong about everything. But, like I said, this is all just my opinion. I really hope things work out for you, and you can always come here for advice. BTW-please tell your wife that we are here for her, too. This site has literally been a lifesaver for me at certain times. We are a real family here, and maybe your wife needs someone to talk to who knows what she's going through. LOL-as you may have guessed, I'm a big talker. I'd be happy to be her fibro friend.
Good luck to all of you!
FINALLY dxd on 06/13/08