I'm so sorry that your family is going through this stressful period. I've had fibro for several years, and before that, I've had many other debilitating (at times) chronic illnesses.
My husband and I have been married for 18 years and have been together for 22 years. At first, it was really difficult for him to deal with my illnesses (although to be fair, it wasn't nearly as difficult for him as it was for me). But over the years, he has graciously accepted the fact that I am sick.
Most days I am able to function pretty well. I get up at 5:00 am, take my daughter to school, do all of the housework, errands, laundry, shopping, cooking, child care, bill paying, etc. But, there are days that I'm barely able to get out of bed. My fibro is much worse today than it was five years ago.
What has helped our marriage the most is my husband's unconditional acceptance. One of his favorite phrases is "We all are doing the best we can." That means me too. I didn't ask for this illness; I don't wallow in it; and I really do do the best I can. The only person who can judge what I'm "able" to do is me.
My husband will actually say things to me like, "You better be careful, you're going to hurt yourself if you over do it." Or, "If you do all of that, you are going to be exhausted." These statements of unconditional acceptance make me want to help him all the more. I do everything I can to help him out because I know he cherishes me and believes in the extent of my illness (and of course because I love him).
I know how hard this must be for you. I'm sure it is very hard to be responsible for providing for your family. I don't know your wife, but she may respond so much better to unconditional acceptance and validation of her illness. Although this is most often an "invisible" illness, it can be soooo debilitating both physically and emotionally.
I wish you and your wife the best.