Back to work and feeling awful!

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 11/7/2008 1:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone. Well I just started back to work and am only working part-time.  It is so great to see all my co-workers and friends again, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to keep my job.  I have been having alot of neck pain and low back pain which is getting worse since I am working again.  I am so afraid. I am worried that I'll end up in terrible pain again.
My onset of fibro. began in May and I have spent the whole summer in really bad pain. I tried epidural injections (because the doctors thought my pain was coming from nerve compression in my back and neck) these shots did nothing but increase my pain. I have tried P.T. which also did nothing to alleviate the pain. Finally I began aquacize classes and that seemed to really help, but I still have pain everyday. Now that I am working again I just cannot make it to the water classes.  I really don't know why I am posting. I guess it is just that I am getting very depressed and kind of feel like things are hopeless.  I need my job because my husband's income is just not enough.  Christmas is coming and I don't know how I am going to buy gifts for my family because while I was off work for 3 months we got way behind on our bills. I know my family will understand if I can't buy gifts for Christmas, but I feel terrible about it. I am sitting here in tears.  I don't know which way to turn. I have a wonderful family and friends and yet I just feel so depressed at the prospect of a life filled with pain.  I am 49 years old and wonder if I feel this bad now, what does the future hold for me? I have suffered with low back pain for 14 years, but this fibro thing is unrelenting and moves from place to place. It makes no sense to me how my body cannot just heal itself and recover.  I'm sorry everyone I just need someone to talk to.  I don't think people who haven't had something like this can understand. I think they think I am just complaining or am a hypochondriac.  I am on an antidepressent, but just can't shake this terrible sadness. I feel like I lost myself somehow.  Anyone got any advice for me? 
bulging discs in neck & thoracic region, low back pain, arthritis in lumbar region, diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety,
meds: enjuvia, pristiq, actos, amaryl, lyrica, hyzaar, elavil, ultram
"Two paths diverged in a yellow wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by...And that has made all the difference."  Robert Frost

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 6056
   Posted 11/7/2008 2:19 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry about your pain... It's difficult to adapt to a life like this I guess... I've been this way all my life so I don't know any different.

I have something that may help for Christmas. One year early on Christmas morning my mother-in-law was acting very strangely. She had Parkinson's but her movements were very erratic and she wasn't making any sense. We hopped on over to the ER and after lots of doctor head shaking, lab tests and guess work they determined that she had been taking her naproxen (Alieve) without food and had developed a stomach ulcer that was hemorrhaging. After four pints of blood she returned to the land of the living. Now the point of all this is that she came within a breath of dying that day and I was on caregiver status for over a month after she got home from the hospital. One day in mid February I found my unopened Christmas presents in a paper sack in a closet. One of my kids had cleaned up and put them there for me. Those presents didn't mean diddly to me. Mom was alive. That was our present that year.

The next Christmas we decided to just spend time with family, go to church together and sing the carols, give gifts to the needy from the giving tree at church and generally not buy into the whole holiday spending spree. That next Christmas after our ER one was the best Christmases ever! Good thing, too, because the following year both Mom & Dad were in heaven for the holidays... We don't even care about presents any more. Little simple things, hugs, stories for the children, baking cookies together, those are the things we treasure, not presents.

Don't think your children would like you to suffer in pain so you could buy them stuff. Just my 2ยข.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 11/7/2008 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Jeannie that is a very touching story. There really are worse things than not having gifts under the tree and that is having an empty chair where a dear loved one should be sitting around the table on holidays. We are getting ready for our second holidays without Michael and I thought it would be easier this year. I think cause everyone will be here for Thanksgiving this year but him actually makes it harder. The empty place will stand out even more.
Waterbaby stress only causes us more pain and the more pain causes more stress and depression. You might want to change or up the AD. Yes, this is a crappy disorder that we all have and it doesn't seem fair, I agree with that 100%. But, we are not going to die from fibro.
I'm having Thanksgiving dinner here as usual this year and I haven't even given it the first thought yet and it's only three weeks away. I haven't even counted to see how many are going to be here. My DH is having a pacemaker put in Tues and after that is done I will concentrate on Thanksgiving dinner. I can only take one thing at time anymore or I get overwhelmed. Oh got two grandsons birthday party next week which I have given no thought to. After Thanksgiving I will start on Christmas and two more grandchildren's birthdays. A few years ago I would be going nuts with all that is going on before Christmas but now it's one day at a time. As long as Grandpa is healthy enough to play Santa and there are toys in his bag for all the kids that is all I care about. We are having our Christmas with the children and grandchildren on the 20th and we will order pizza after Santa comes and they all love this tradition. But the important thing is being together, even if we all had to eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches we would make it fun cause that is the way our family is.
I really think it is time to go back to the old ways of making home made gifts for Christmas and teaching children the real meaning of Christmas  and it's not about all the latest electronics and newest game systems. The holidays are suppose to be about love and togetherness not a time to stress to the max over money.
Marlee will get off her soapbox now and get busy.
luv and hugs
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Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 11/7/2008 10:50 AM (GMT -7)   
I agree about Christmas. . . it has been on an off track for a long time now:) Considering we are going through a Millenial Depression, I think all the adults need to be less stressed about the holidays, and make the people around them aware of reality:) Waterbaby, don't worry about a thing like that. It sounds like you have enough on your plate right now, and I wish you the best:)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort :)
God Bless Each & Every One Of You :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 11/7/2008 1:13 PM (GMT -7)   
I get so stressed out this time of the year. My brother and his whole family gets together with my family and our mom and have a party at the club house where mom lives on Christams Eve each year.  The trouble lies in the whole present thing.  My brother always goes over the top for thier grandson so anything we could come up with is paltry in comparrison.  I am talking the newest and most exspensive game systems and gas powered racing cars and now every guitar hero thing out there and this is for a 10 year old boy.  My brother also seems to feel like he has to go over the top for my grandchildren and always buys them at least 3-4 presents each and I have four grandkids!!  Same with exspensive gifts for Jay and I and mom.  When it comes to buying for them what the heck do you give someone who already has everything?  We sure cant afford to go all out and it makes me mad that I feel like the poor one out of the bunch ya know? like oh thats the best Karen could do blah blah.
I do alot of baking this time of year and some of the gifts I give are homemade breads and jams and such but this has gotten too expensive with the high costs of food now.  I usually end up giving my brother and his wife a 50 dollar gift certificate to a favorite resturant and gave Randys step daughter a gift set from the liquor store with some fancy glasses in it.  As for Nathan,Randys grandson for awhile I was just buying him clothes but I know that can get to be a bummer when all the other kids are opening toys so I decided last year to find him a game he wanted,a board game and not something electronic.  I just feel so uncomfortable during the gift exchange after they have all opened their one gift and Jay and I and my family are all opening gift after gift.
They say it doesnt matter that it makes them happy to give a lil more if they can but I know they are going into debt buying these gifts.  And of course I am always the worst person to shop for as I usaully ask for something for around my house and ppl keep saying no not for the house but for you but having something that makes cleaning easier or a new towel is what makes me happy.  I just dont feel comfortable asking for expensive gifts makes me feel guilty I guess.  I hope that all the work I put into these parties is looked on as a gift in itself because I am pretty much on my own for setting everything up and I make a bunch of food ahead of time,the only thing my brothers family brings are expensive desserts.  I try to get everyone to eat something more then just crap all day so I put out lil sandwich breads and deli meats and cheeses.  My brothers wife thinks I am mean because I have my grandkids make a plate with "real" food on it and they have to eat that before any treats and then treats are limited.  My brothers grandkids,he has 2 can get into whatever they want to if his wife and daughter had thier way but I try to make the rules the same for all the kids.
Its just a long day of ppl in a power struggle with each other.  Last year my mom took so long even coming over to the club house that she got there about 30 minutes before everyone left.  I got tired of checking on her constantly and finally told her oh well if you miss it then thats your fault.  I had already offered to help her in anything she needed to get done but the woman chose to be in the shower when everyone was showing up and that can take her a couple hours!!!  So this year I am just kinda going with the flow and not letting ppl put me in charge of mom.  Hey if they want to hurry her up then they can walk over to check on her lol I am going to just enjoy being with my grandkids and if Randys wife wants to let thier grandkids fill up on crap then whatever?  I am still going to have my grandkids eat their food before treats and act in a polite manner during gift opening.  I know my daughter will appreciate the extra help with the kids and she has alot of the same rules I do for kids.  As for shopping for our grandkids Jay and I are buying them each one toy they really wanted and we already have some books for them which they love and maybe some jammies for each one.  We just cannot afford to buy them everything they want and they wont learn to appreciate things if they are givin it all.  As it is my daughter goes overboard for birthdays.  I am like hellooooooooo they are getting gifts from everyone and dont need 20 gifts from her to make her look good?  Its overkill and just overwelms the child.  Well I think I vented enough.  sorry to take over the thread. 
Waterbaby, I am so sorry things are so rough for you right now.  You know if you and your hubby are having trouble with bills right now that there are tons of agencies out there that can help you get gifts for your kids this year.  You can add them to a local giving tree in most banks and also some drugstores or you can call toys for tots.  I know a few years ago when Jay and I had the kids through the holidays and thier mom was in the hospital taking care of a very premature baby that Jay and I couldnt handle it all on our own.  We went through the kids school to sign them up for a giving tree and then a family "adopted" them for x-mas and shopped for all of them.  It turned out to be a great x-mas and the kids never knew where the gifts came from as we got to pick all the gifts up and wrap them ourselves and you list 3 needs and 3 wants for each child even if that want is a new bike they try and come through for the kids.  Its just a thought till things get better but you have to sign them up around thanksgiving time.  I hope all goes well for your holidays and that whatever your decision about work that it all turns out for the best.
Soft Hugs,
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 1683
   Posted 11/7/2008 1:52 PM (GMT -7)   

my family scrapped gifts altogether last year and we made donations to charities of our choice (this might be harder to do with young children who want something tangible) but it has lifted the stress of holiday shopping so much- we throw so much money into presents, when really, the best part of christmas is time spent with loved ones. the older i get, the more i care less about christmas and the gift part (im 28). it was nice to make a donation to people who are genuinely, desperately needy.

maybe you could do the $10 dollar rule? where no presents cost more than 10 bucks, its fun seeing how much you can cram in for that amount of money. just a thought.

Maz XX

'He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds.' (Psalm 147:3)
Chronic Fatigue, Fibromyalgia, TMJ disorder, Endometriosis, Polycystic Ovaries, Chronic ear/nose/throat infections, Panic Disorder, Reactive Arthritis, Agoraphobia, Migraines, GERD, Anaemia, Sinusitis, Chronically perforated eardrums, Pinched Nerves, IBS, Tachycardia, Allergies, Insomnia, Trichotilomania, Glandular Fever, Bursitis, Encapsulitis, Seasonal Mood  Disorder, Mild OCD.
Meds: Zoloft 150mg. Xanax 4mg. Nexium. Celebrex. Mobic. Panadeine Forte. Digesic.
Multiple surgeries- I bear the scars of my poor physical health.
Age:28. First diagnosed at 14. Proud Aussie. XX.

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