Need stress busting advice

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   Posted 11/15/2008 9:25 AM (GMT -7)   
My daughter who became paraplegic a year ago from the birth of her baby is doing much better and has finally progressed to walking with a cane. That's the good news. Because she hasn't been able to return to her job as a physical therapist assistant their income dropped dramatically. Yesterday the foreclosure notice came and they are losing their house. They will probably be moving in with us by Christmas. I feel so bad for the loss of their home... This is gonna be a tight situation. I have two older dogs who will need to be put to sleep. They aren't all that kid friendly and there will be a toddler here 24/7.

We don't have a lot of room but we can make this work. As hubby says, we will just become the Waltons... I feel like someone beat me up with baseball bats while I was sleeping last night. Maybe, just sharing will help... I'm so mad at this dumb economy I could scream!!!
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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   Posted 11/15/2008 9:46 AM (GMT -7)   
(((Jeannie)))  I am sending big hugs and prayers your way.  What a difficult situation to be in.  When it rains, it pours, doesn't it?! eyes   
However, I am thrilled to hear your daughter is making progress.  That's wonderful news! yeah
Sometimes just venting here and getting it all out can help, right?
In prayer that everything works out.....  Blessings, Julie

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getting by
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   Posted 11/15/2008 10:07 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jeannie,

I really have the feeling that the economy is going to get better. It may take a while, but it is going to happen.

Do you meditate? I would suggest meditation to relax you. It will make things seem much less stressful if you can clear your mind for a while. I know that you do a lot, with your cake business and just maintaining your home.

I am happy to know that your daughter is doing better. I think that she had a lot hit her all at once and I understand that the progress is gradual. But it is happening, so for that we should rejoice.

I hope that this helps in some small way. Deep breathing, as I am sure you already know helps a lot. In through the nose , out through the mouth. Smelling the roses and blowing out the candles, I always call it that.

Keep us updated on how things are going. And I wish you the best.

Luv and hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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   Posted 11/15/2008 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
I do the breathing but I like your "mind picture" of how to do it. Makes it even more relaxing. Thx.

I'll always take prayers. Your kindness is appreciated.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 11/15/2008 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   

Jeannie, I'm sorry about your daughter and all the angst that came along with such a tragedy.  Glad she is doing better..that's good news.  All you young whipper snappers out there may recover what you lost in your retirement funds etc, but us old folk?  No way!  We are planning to live like the Waltons too.  Actually, I'm kinda looking forward to living in my son's attic!

My suggestion to relieve some of the stress is a nice massage or a soak in a hot tub.  If you don't have access to a hot tub, go to a spa store and tell them you want to test one out. 'They don't mind!'

Hope the 'ball bat beating' feeling passes quickly.  take care...




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   Posted 11/15/2008 1:28 PM (GMT -7)   

Jeannie, this is such a difficult time.  None of us thought we'd be in the situations we are finding ourselves in but we ARE strong.  We do have our moments and a good cry always seems to help me.  I also lean on God a lot in these types of situations.  If you turn things over to Him and just take one day at a time, you will make it through with flying colors!

In your situation, everyone will have to play a part and this shouldn't be more work for you.  You have your hands full already.  Besides, from what I've heard about your daughter, she is a delightful young woman with a great upbringing.  She will help however she can so no one has a heavy load.  This could make your family even stronger than it is already!

I think it will be nice to see your granddaughter and she will bond to  you and you will always have a closer relationship with her than what you probably could have had being an hour away.  I lived seven blocks from my inlaws and it was wonderful for the children. 

I know it's tough to have so many adults under one roof but that's what people did many years ago...hence the Waltons!  It's wonderful that you and  your husband have the room and can help out in this situation.  So many have no place to turn.  Your love and generously opening your home to your family will really bless you. 

Lastly, is there anyone that would be willing to take your dogs or is there anyplace in the house they can be confined?  They just might get along great with your granddaughter when they get to know her and that would be good for her.  It's a shame to have to destroy the animals because of the situation.  I do totally understand where you are coming from but perhaps you could find someone that could help.  Just a thought.... 


Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
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God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Green Grove
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   Posted 11/15/2008 4:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Jeannie. . . I am sending prayers your way for you and your family. . . One thing that helps me is relaxation sounds and music to meditate to. . . Classical and gospel works well for me also :) My family has lived extended for years, and with the economy the way it is, we have been preparing for extra people as needed. The best of luck. Too bad you have to put your dogs down. . . Maybe you can put them in the paper? Anyway, my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort :)
God Bless Each & Every One Of You :)

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   Posted 11/15/2008 6:27 PM (GMT -7)   
Just so you don't get the wrong idea about the older dogs, they are 14 and 15 respectively, a Dalmation and a Black Lab. They are "sisters" in the sense that they've always been together here since puppyhood. Both have severe arthritis and this colder weather has been especially hard on them. It's breaking my heart, but it's time for doggie heaven for them. We have another 2 yr old black lab who is going to be a great companion for Maryclare's boxer mix who is 3. Five adults, one toddler and 4 dogs would be more than any of us could take in our "spacious" 800 sq. ft ranch. I knew this was coming, just makes it so I can't procrastinate any more.

Thanks for listening, friends.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 11/15/2008 11:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jeannie,
A breathing technique I learned in stress and coping class really works wonders and it is easy to do. Count as you breathe: inhale=1, exhale=2, inhale=3, etc. When you get to 10, start over, when you lose track start over. You can do it for 5 minutes. Progressive relaxation is good too. You start with your head and tighten all the muscles, then release, then you do your shoulders and arms, then torso, then butt, then legs. Then everything.

There is a third meditation that helps me sleep. While you are lying down imagine your feet are cement blocks. Imagine you are lying in the grass and your feet sink down into the grass. A friend comes and tries to lift your feet and cannot. You move up your body from your feet.

I read a book by Thich Nhat Hahn. He is a buddhist monk who teaches on life principles. He teaches them so that a person of any faith can use them (you do not have to be buddhist.) The book is called the miracle of mindfulness. I read it and it really helped me.

I hope some of these ideas will work for you.
From Sue

getting by
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   Posted 11/16/2008 6:53 AM (GMT -7)   

Thanks for the name and author of that book. I am going to look it up on the internet. I meditate and am open to anything that creates mindfulness.

Thanks again,
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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   Posted 11/16/2008 9:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Jeannie, I'm not going to sugar coat this cause it is going to be hard. I've been there and done that, not since I would consider my sons adults, but I have had three grandchildren for long lengths of time.
Yes, any of my family is welcome to move in with us if they need to but it wouldn't be an ideal situation. Maryclare walking with just a cane is such a blessing so keep that in mind when the stress gets to you. Keep telling yourself this is only temporary til they get help and can afford their own place. This has to be devastating to them to lose their home. I'm sure this is a last resort for them too.
Your going to have to have a place where you can get away from it all when it gets to be too much. Is there anyway you can make a corner of your bedroom into a sitting area for you and your DH??? Just cause your living in the same house doesn't mean you have to spend every minute together. Since Maryclare has fibro too she understands what you feel.
I would sit down with them and set some ground rules and give everyone a chance to voice what is important to them to have in this situation. I'm sure they will want privacy too. With communication this will workout for everyone and you will get to see everything the baby is doing at this age on a daily bases.
Please tell me you have at least two baths in your house??? smilewinkgrin
In this case it is your daughter's illness that has caused them to lose their home but there are a lot of people out there in the same boat.
Let's pray this economy changes quickly. I know for a lot of us that are older we have seen a lot of dreams go down the drain.
luv and hugs
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 11/16/2008 11:55 AM (GMT -7)   

Well said, Marlee.

You are welcome, Karen.  The book is awesome.  I just learned that Thich naht hahn is comes to Berkeley to speak some of the time.  I am going to try to see him next time he does.


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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 11/16/2008 7:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jeannie-
My oldest niece and her husband are also losing their home, they got their foreclosure notice a month ago. They have two children, 5 and 1. They will be moving into my sisters (into a rambler also) the middle of the winter. It has been heartbreaking for them and "us" as a family also. Her husband was in construction and was making money like it grew on trees, and had side jobs that were endless. Not anymore, there is no work.
The economy is affecting "many." My brother-in-law is down to a 4 day work week, my youngest sons father just got laid off from his job 2 weeks ago and my guy friend a week ago.
I know this will not be easy, but I, like you would never turn down family in time of need. This is a big stressor on you Jeannie, and knowing that your dogs will have to be put down, I would be feeling it too and then some. Need you to hang on tight and this is when we have to remember our blessings over and over again. AND we will be here for you through this so you don't have to do this alone!
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Date Joined Jun 2006
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   Posted 11/16/2008 11:01 PM (GMT -7)   
I am grateful that you have the love in your heart to share a home with your daughter. It is wonderful to see people being loving and compassionate in this day and age.

My 21 year old son moved out of our home this summer. My daughter and I are enjoying the break. However, everyone tells me that he will be back. The economy is just tough nowadays.

Stay wonderful.


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Date Joined Jan 2007
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   Posted 11/17/2008 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry that your daughter and her hubby are losing their home.  Like they and you havent been through enough cry
I have read all the other responses, and cant think of anything to add.  I just want you to know you will continue to be in my thoughts, prayers.  I agree that your daughter is probably stressing about moving in with you as well.  It's hard to go back home.
You and your daughter have a fantastic relationship, and you are her rock with all that has happened to her this past year.  I honestly think that a heart to heart over a cuppa will have you both feeling alot better about the situation.  Like Marlee suggested...would be terrific if you could have a place for you and hubby to go and be on your own when you feel like it.
You know we are all here for you Jeannie, you are a very highly thought of person here.  So when need be, come here and pour out any frustrations and/or tears.  It will help I'm sure.
Holding you close in my thoughts
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Some people dream of angels, I held one in my arms

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Date Joined Sep 2008
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   Posted 11/17/2008 10:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Every thing I can think of has already been said as well, You will all need to find a spot that is considered your peaceful zone. We have a small home as well and when my parents come for a visit it sometimes gets crowded. I love for them to come but by the end of the week I am stressed do I cant imagine a semi permenant situation. We do have a travel trailer and in the summer months my parents stay in there when they come up. I hope you can all get through this and stay a happy close family.
Lee Ann
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