My Story For You All

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 11/19/2008 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   
(this is just something I wanted to do for all the people who dont know me well)
Hello, my name is Christi, Im 17 and I have been on HW for 1 year and about 5 months. This is MY story.
I came here after I had been deeply depressed for some time. I had actually been abusing myself, for example, hitting myself. I had anxiety, depression, and some panic. When I started having attacks I freaked out. But, I kept everything secret. This was happening during the summer so I was up at night and sleeping during the day. I got the courage up and wrote my school counselor a letter the first week and gave it to her. We talked..but I couldnt tell her everything. Some time after that, in August, I started cutting. I still never told anyone, but I tried my best. It kept getting worse over time and I just couldnt help myself, ironically, thats all I wanted to do, help myself, or get help for myself.
In December, I believe it was, I finally got tired of it. Late one night, I had an attack and I was crying in the floor when I thought of the pain pills I had from a previous accident. I got them and put one in my mouth and realized that that wasnt the person I wanted to be. But, I wasnt trying to end things, I had the thought in my mind that I just wanted to draw attention to it so that I could get help and so that someone would take me seriously. But, it didnt happen.
I had stopped cutting by that time. But, in february, I had a horrible feeling that I didnt like who I was. I started making myself throw up. I did it on and off for a while but quickly stopped. I did it once during the summer and cut a few times this past summer. So, my English teacher told me I had to do a speech. This pushed me into HAVING to speak to my doctor. I was afraid of that and I didnt drive so it was a hard thing to. But, one day I literally kicked my mom out of the room and the doctor came in and I told him all about my anxiety. He put me on a medication and it worked for about 2 weeks. So, one day I called him and got it changed to Paxil. Which I have been on for 3 months now.
Now, imagine all of this plus Fibro. Not only was I forced to quit playing sports and not being ABLE to do the things I enjoyed, but I was so depressed and down all the time. But, now there is a new light shining on my life. I feel better and things are a little more clear these days, despite the Fibro fog.
This is just the overview, there is probably something major I am missing, but thats okay. The point of this is to show some of you that life has its ups and downs, but things CAN get better. I will be honest and say I didnt believe things could get better. In fact, I was POSITIVE things would ONLY get worse... But I was wrong.
So, maybe thats your inspiration for today. Im not trying to be an inspiration, Im trying to help other people using my story and what I have gone through. So, if you need someone to speak to, Im fine with that. For the young people on here, I would be glad to do what I can to help.
I suppose thats all. This thing is long enough, Im sure no one will really want to read this! haha Anyways, hats off to all of you for everything you have done for me!
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
   "Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
    "Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
    "Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 11/19/2008 1:22 PM (GMT -7)   
I deeply sympathize with you. I used to cut as well back in high school and college. A few of my close close friends saw the results but I never told them what had actually happened. One day my best friend saw and threatened to tell my mom. I got so mad at her and told her I wasn't going to speak to her anymore. She started crying and told me how concerned she was for me, that I could actually really hurt myself. Hearing that someone cared, TRULY cared and not just saying they cared, really helped. I stopped cutting. Okay, it wasn't easy and I did have a few minor slips. I actually had not cut in years (I'm talking probably about a good 4 - 5 years) but then about a month ago, I was feeling very very down and depressed and nothing was helping. The first thing I thought of was what a release it would be to cut again (only cutters understand this ... everyone else thinks I'm crazy). And I did. I cut my forearm. After that, I was a mess of tears and I have vowed that I cannot do that again, no matter how hard it gets.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I understand and your story really touched me. You have amazing insight for someone so young.
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
* Baclofen
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 11/19/2008 1:23 PM (GMT -7)   
Courage is the word that comes to mind as I read through your post. It takes courage to endure all that you have.

Hang in there, kiddo, you're doing great.
*Severe Spinal Stenosis, ACDF Surgery Levels C5-7, Jan 07, Degenerative Disk Disease, Osteoarthritis,  Dx'd Atypical Migraines & Neuropathy Jul 07, Dx'd Fibromyalgia April 08,
GERD, Insomnia, Undiagnosed Inflammation with Elevated Sed Rate, C-reactive Protein
Mom to 2 College students +1 Exchange Student in Germany, stepMom to 2 marrieds, 8 stepGrands and my third job is being a pastor's wife.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 408
   Posted 11/19/2008 3:33 PM (GMT -7)   


My heart goes out to you.  You are to young to be dealing with this.  I have a daughter a little younger than you and I just can't imagine her having to go through what you have.  Please know that everyone here cares about you and you can come to us any time.  You seem to be a very strong person, well you have to be to have handled all of that, so I think you will be fine.  When life gets difficult we need to lean on the people that love us.  If you don't have that at home, please know that you can always come here and you will get the support that you need and deserve wink .

Thank you for sharing your story!!!


Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:32 PM (GMT -7)   

Dear Christi,

I wanted to write and tell you how much your words moved me today. I want you to know that I am sorry someone so young has to go through so much pain. I am sorry any of us do. I grew up really not liking myself very much because I had epilepsy. My mom and dad did not allow me to tel any other person. There were members of my family that did not know. I walked around so afraid that I would have a seizure and then everyone would know! It was horrible. Once I was in college, I began to realize that is just who I am and if I hide that part of me than no one ever really knows me and accepts me as me. Once I started talking, I didn't stop! Of course there were people who didn't want to be friends anymore and that was ok. It was because they were scared. I started my own support group because there was none. I kept on talking when I was a young mother and began a program for all disabilities in my daughters school so children would never have to be ashamed of who they really were. I even had an article on the front of the Chicago Tribune!The word was out then! What I am trying to say you have learned so much about courage and inspiring others and you're 17! Perhaps you have already realized that there is already a bigger plan out there for you and you are not going to sit by and be a victim, you are going to live life. I am touched by you and wish you the best. God bless you and keep in touch.Thanks for making my day! turn     


Gentle Hugs,
Cymbalta,Tramadol,Gabapentin,AmbienCR,Zonagran,Phenobarbital,Nystatin Powder
Fish oil, Vitamin E, Baby ASA, Multi-Vitamin,Berberine,Caprylic Acid,Malic Acid/magnesium

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41912
   Posted 11/19/2008 4:37 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you for sharing your story. That was very brave. I am so happy to know that you have gotten through the hard times and that you are doing so much better. You are an inspiration to all.

Luv and hugs, Karen

PS there is a young man on depression.  He is 17.  He needs to go to counseling but doesn't want to.  Any suggestions?  Maybe you could talk to him.  His name is Emotional Distress.  Just a thought.

  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Post Edited (getting by) : 11/19/2008 4:46:58 PM (GMT-7)

Green Grove
Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 2424
   Posted 11/19/2008 7:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey Christi :) Nice to meet you. . . I wish you the best on the issues you are facing. It seems to me that you are a very strong person from stepping away from your destructive behaviour, and doing something "very strong and postitive" like coming on here and putting yourself out there like that. Thank you for giving me even more courage :) You might also try the anxiety and depression forum, we are a goofy bunch on there :) Anyway there is many things to help you on there also :)
Much Love, Hugs, Peace & Comfort :)
God Bless Each & Every One Of You :)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 11/19/2008 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   
Im glad my story means something! Thanks to you all! At the beginning of all of this, I felt so alone and I couldnt talk to anyone. I was quiet and didnt like sharing things about myself. But things have took a 180! I have built up a huge support system, with friends, teachers, my counselor, and a family member or two! haha Plus you guys of course! But, I have done alot of talking and Im not so quiet anymore. Im finally...ME! And its been a VERY long time since thats happened!

I talked to my English teacher who gave me the speech in like April. Some of you will remember I explained my anxiety to her and she let me give the speech to her. I was HORRIBLY scared to death about it. I talked to her the other day because she kept staring at me during class. (we were in our circle of 16 students discussing our AP Literature stuff) But, she was watching me because I was being so open and expressing my opinion so much. I talked to her after school and she was really nice about it. So...Im really happy about that! =]

Ya know. Guys, Im so excited right now. It hasnt sank in yet. Feeling good just hasnt been my thing for SO feels....AMAZING! It really does. =] =] =]

btw, as for my ankle. I was going to go to the doc about a week after it happened. but decided not to because nothing is ever wrong! haha, so I have been wearing my boot. today I switched to a shoe and it hurts much worse with a shoe. So, I've decided to go visit my Ortho(I bet hes been missing me like crazy, I was his #1 customer! hahaha) Maybe Monday, if not, then it will be Wednesday. I will let you all know what happens!

Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
   "Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
    "Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
    "Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1303
   Posted 11/19/2008 7:59 PM (GMT -7)   
btw, I forgot to mention, I have a doctors appt. with a pediatric rheumy Dec. 23... apparently thats my Christmas present this year! haha...I've had it since the summer, or before! It includes having to travel about 3 hours better be worth it! my doc. here wants me to go because hes still not convinced about what i do/do not have! lol

I really dont want to go, but at the same time, I want to do everything i can to get my strength back and make things better if thats possible. Besides, Im curious! lol And angry at the same time, if he brushes me off as a mystery case like my other....oh geez I dont have enough fingers and toes to count my docs....haha brush me off like ALL my other docs!!!! Im sure I'll post then so.. yea =]
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
   "Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart no matter how strong you are"
    "Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
    "Im going to smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 726
   Posted 11/20/2008 8:40 AM (GMT -7)   
Sorry for not posting sooner-you know how slow things are in the south. wink   Anyway, I am so happy and proud of you, kiddo!  I know what a hard time you've had, and I'm really glad that you've found some light at the end of that extremely long tunnel.  I always knew (or at least hoped) that you would realize what an amazing person you are.  You are also very brave to tell your story.  Believe me, it doesn't just help teenagers, it helps everyone.  As you've seen, a lot of us have had similar issues and were afraid to talk about them.  I hope this just reinforces the fact that you are not alone.  And you know that you can always still talk to me about anything (or nothing) anytime you need to.  Remember, I'm only 2 states away from you now! :-)
Again, I just wanted to let you know how proud of you I am...KID. smilewinkgrin
FINALLY dxd with fibro on 06/13/08
Vicodin, Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help, BTW
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
Klonopin for anxiety (Guess what?  Doesn't help!)
Chantix (quit smoking 08/29/08)
"I'll take the Chivas instead"
-Kelly Clarkson

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 519
   Posted 11/20/2008 9:10 AM (GMT -7)   
You are such a brave and strong person for one so young. I applaud you for all that you have been through and being able to talk about it and maybe help others in the same situation.
I always think talking about things is a big step. Talking to others has always made me feel better! You have been through so much, but being open with your story and your williness to help others shows how far you have come!
I hope your Rheumy appt. goes well. I know that when I started seeing my Rheumatologist was when things started really looking up for me. I at least had a doc that understood my Fibro and was willing to treat it. I hope the same for you!
Good luck & thank you for inspiring so many people, not just the young, but all of us!
Hugs!  Margie 

Never regret something that made you smile!

Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis*Sleep Apnea*Depression*Fatigue*Allergy/Sinus

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 11/20/2008 10:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Christi, you know I have always compared you to one of my great nieces since I met you, she too was a cutter. She is 20 now and I pray those days are over for her. She was the brilliant over achiever that could never do anything good enough for herself and at 16 she completely shut down and it took three hos stays for her to achieve what you have on your own.
I can't even put into words how happy I am for you that your life is going so much better and you feel happy with the person you are. You are well on your way to becoming a great woman and fibro will not stop you, it might slow you down sometimes but it won't stop you.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
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