(this is just something I wanted to do for all the people who dont know me well)
Hello, my name is Christi, Im 17 and I have been on HW for 1 year and about 5 months. This is MY story.
I came here after I had been deeply depressed for some time. I had actually been abusing myself, for example, hitting myself. I had anxiety, depression, and some panic. When I started having attacks I freaked out. But, I kept everything secret. This was happening during the summer so I was up at night and sleeping during the day. I got the courage up and wrote my school counselor a letter the first week and gave it to her. We talked..but I couldnt tell her everything. Some time after that, in August, I started cutting. I still never told anyone, but I tried my best. It kept getting worse over time and I just couldnt help myself, ironically, thats all I wanted to do, help myself, or get help for myself.
In December, I believe it was, I finally got tired of it. Late one night, I had an attack and I was crying in the floor when I thought of the pain pills I had from a previous accident. I got them and put one in my mouth and realized that that wasnt the person I wanted to be. But, I wasnt trying to end things, I had the thought in my mind that I just wanted to draw attention to it so that I could get help and so that someone would take me seriously. But, it didnt happen.
I had stopped cutting by that time. But, in february, I had a horrible feeling that I didnt like who I was. I started making myself throw up. I did it on and off for a while but quickly stopped. I did it once during the summer and cut a few times this past summer. So, my English teacher told me I had to do a speech. This pushed me into HAVING to speak to my doctor. I was afraid of that and I didnt drive so it was a hard thing to. But, one day I literally kicked my mom out of the room and the doctor came in and I told him all about my anxiety. He put me on a medication and it worked for about 2 weeks. So, one day I called him and got it changed to Paxil. Which I have been on for 3 months now.
Now, imagine all of this plus Fibro. Not only was I forced to quit playing sports and not being ABLE to do the things I enjoyed, but I was so depressed and down all the time. But, now there is a new light shining on my life. I feel better and things are a little more clear these days, despite the Fibro fog.
This is just the overview, there is probably something major I am missing, but thats okay. The point of this is to show some of you that life has its ups and downs, but things CAN get better. I will be honest and say I didnt believe things could get better. In fact, I was POSITIVE things would ONLY get worse... But I was wrong.
So, maybe thats your inspiration for today. Im not trying to be an inspiration, Im trying to help other people using my story and what I have gone through. So, if you need someone to speak to, Im fine with that. For the young people on here, I would be glad to do what I can to help.
I suppose thats all. This thing is long enough, Im sure no one will really want to read this! haha Anyways, hats off to all of you for everything you have done for me!
Lyrica and Paxil (both working quite well might I add!)
"Cracks in the concrete are just reminders that you fall apart
no matter how strong you are"
"Sometimes it is best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve"
"Im going to
smile like nothing is wrong, talk like everything is perfect, act like its all a dream, and pretend its not hurting me."