I don't know how long I can keep on working...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/31/2008 2:28 AM (GMT -7)   
I've really got the blues tonight. I have been back to work for 2 months now after a 3 month leave of absence. I'm only working 16 hours a week. Every day is a real struggle to make it through my work day. Recently I asked my rhuemy to up my ultram ER to 300mg a day. I felt alot better right after this and was really encouraged. Well, I don't know if I overdid it or what, but I feel like I'm headed into a bad flare again. I've missed 2 days of work since I've been back. We are only allowed to miss 3 a year. I am so afraid I will be fired, and my husband and I really need boht of our jobs to make ends meet. I feel like my husband thinks I am exaggerating my pain. I have been crying alot lately, and he just walks away from me when I need him the most. I feel like I have failed him and everyone else. My son and his fiance told me  that they are expecting a baby in July. This will be my first grandchild and I am so happy for them and excited to be a Grandma, but I keep thinking will I even be able to hold my Grandchild because of the fibro. pain. I'm having really dark thoughts again and I feel like my world is falling in on me.  Sorry, everyone, but I really needed someone to talk to.  Thanks for listening.
Hope sad
bulging discs in neck & thoracic region, low back pain, arthritis in lumbar region, diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety,
meds: enjuvia, pristiq, actos, amaryl, lyrica, hyzaar, elavil, ultram
"Two paths diverged in a yellow wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by...And that has made all the difference."  Robert Frost

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 605
   Posted 12/31/2008 4:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I am so sorry your having such a hard time of it it Hope. Your post made me want to cry. I dont even work and I have trouble just getting through a day trying to take care of myself. With my hubby he is always asking whats wrong?or asking if he can help or do something or get something for me but on some days he acts as if he cant see how badly I am hurting even though I am grunting and groaning with every move I make. At least he is being super kind since I took a bad fall a few days ago. But the thing is everyone is so concerned about me right now because I am so bashed up and all the bruises are showing. If they could just understand with fibro so many times I feel like I should look that same way but there are no bruises to show for my pain so it goes unnoticed. I know it sounds stupid but sometimes our hubbies will walk away simply because they dont know what to do and feel helpless. Mine has gotten way better but I have had to really put it in his face that I am in real pain and he has to learn to deal with that or move on. Fortunatly so far he has chose to stay and help most of the time. But I told him with my dissability I would be eligable for someone to come in and help me if we werent together so if we stay together he needs to pick up the slack of what I cant do anymore. I really feel for you for trying to hang in there with the work thing,I sure couldnt handle it. You may have to give the work up and come up with some other way to bring extra money into the home. My daughter is a stay at home mom and does pretty well just selling on ebay but there are other things you could do even in your line of work maybe if its office related from home. I dont think the raise in meds is helping anymore becaue you are pushing yourself past your limits. When you are home do you take good care of yourself and get alot of rest and eat well and get some exercise? You need to sit down with the hubby and have a real heart to heart about what you can and cant handle anymore and what to do about it. Remember the 2 of you are supposed to be a team you are in this together,the marriage the work issuse and even the fibro. You are not a failure you are a good person having a tough time of it. Take care and I hope things get better for you.

Soft Hug's,
Mom of one gramma to 4 lover to One
Fibromyalgia,IBS,Stroke x2,endometriosis,Diabetes type 2,neuropathic pain,nerve damage due to tailbone removel,nerve damage due to fractured back,deppresion,high blood pressure,severe nausea,atrophy,chronic pain,nerve damage due to botched bladder surgery,torn hip joint,hypoglycymic
Norco(double strength vicodin) 80 to 100 mg @ day
Ms Contin(morphine) 45 mg @ day,Lyrica 600mg @ day

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2859
   Posted 12/31/2008 6:24 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi...so sorry you are feeling bad.  I don't go to work every day and I couldn't imagine having to be prompt, reliable and alert all day long.  I had a e-bay business for ten years that I abandoned because I couldn't lug all the boxes to the post office.  My basement is full of stuff I intended to sell and I keep looking at it and wondering if I will ever be able to list, pack, ship...again.  I really enjoyed it and I could do it at my leisure but you know fibro flares...they just hit and you are down.

I just had a new grand child and they visited in November...you might be surprised at how the sheer joy of it releases those endorphines and you will actually feel better.  I too wondered if I could pick her up...I over did it, of course, because they live so far away and I kept telling myself I should 'seize the moment' because I didn't know when I would see her again.  You will just have to be careful and recognize your limits.

Many husbands don't 'get' fibro.  I think they have been brainwashed by the same doctor's that some of us have had the misfortune to treat us for this condition.  "It's just pain, take these pills and call me in three months."  I am fortunate that mine DOES get it. I am lucky because he plays tennis with my new Rhuemy who does happen to believe in it so he has been informed! 

I have a friend that just went on disability for fibro...have you tried that?

Hope you feel better.






fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 12/31/2008 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I know this is hard on you and scary. I am a single mother and have not been able to work since last May. UG! And you are NOT a failure! This can be truly debilitating!! Congrats on becoming a grandma! I have two granddaughters now and they are such a joy. Yes, you will be able to do things and hold the baby. That was a big concern of mine also, but I have found ways to spend quality time with them even in a flare.
Sorry to hear hubby has not been the best support right now. sad  We are here for you, and care what happens. Let us know how your doing.
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 844
   Posted 12/31/2008 9:40 AM (GMT -7)   

Hope, I'm so sorry to hear your feeling so bad.  I work 5 days a week, but just 7 hours a day.  I don't know how much longer I can hold out neither. I deal with a very active autistic 6 year old that has a behavior problem too. 

Some days when I come home I'm so tired I can't hardly walk up the stairs in the back of my house.

My rheumy has really helped me though.  She has put me on Lyrica, Cymbalta and Flexeril.  When she ask me if I was depressed I told her no, but she put me on Cymbalta and I feel so much better.  I suffer from exhaustion more than pain so I'm just drained when I get home. 

You listed that you suffer from depression so perhaps you could ask your rheumy about Cymbalta.  It has really helped me.

I hope you get to feeling better.  Just keep in touch because it helps so much to talk to people that feel just like you.

God Bless!


Of all the things that I have lost, I miss my mind the most!!!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 96
   Posted 12/31/2008 10:00 AM (GMT -7)   
You ladies are all sooo very wonderful! I really mean that! Thank you so much for all your kind words, suggestions, and for responding to my post. I am sitting here with tears of gratitude that you are there for me and that you understand what I am going through.

bulging discs in neck & thoracic region, low back pain, arthritis in lumbar region, diabetes, high blood pressure, depression, anxiety,
meds: enjuvia, pristiq, actos, amaryl, lyrica, hyzaar, elavil, ultram
"Two paths diverged in a yellow wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by...And that has made all the difference."  Robert Frost

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17557
   Posted 12/31/2008 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hope, this is such a horrible illness.  We look fine but people have not walked in our shoes.  I don't work now and don't think I could, either.  But, you have been given good advice and support from the ladies above and you will get out of this "funk".  Just look at the positive things in your life and the many blessings you DO have.  Push the negative thoughts to the back of your mind.  Keep a sense of humor, too.  That's helps a lot with fibro. 
You are only one person.  If the job is necessary for your living, then that's where you need to spend your energy.  Let the rest of your family pick of the remaining things that need to be done when you don't have the energy.  You are not superhuman!
Don't beat up on yourself and don't feel guilty, either.  You didn't ask for fibro!  Do what you can, count your many blessings and have a wonderful new year!
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

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