Hey Telula...if you change your mind and do need anything that I can provide, please let me know. On some level, I do understand what you're saying. I haven't been able to apply for disability (I have considered it but there's no way I could live on that even WITH the part time job and still be able to pay rent or any kind of bills) but I understand about
feeling like you just want to do well for yourself and it's so hard when you feel like you keep getting pulled down. I want to get a new job because mine creates SO much stress for me and I think that may actually be making my health worse. Only problem is that because of my health I'm on an Intermittent FMLA leave. That just means that once I've used up all my sick/vacation days, if I need to miss work because of not feeling well or a doctor's appointment, I can miss and not lose my job...but I also don't get paid for those days. To qualify for Intermittent FMLA, you have to be at your job for 12 months. If I got a new job, I'd have to wait out those 12 months and honestly, I don't think I'd be able to do it. I'm missing a day or two every week or every other week. Not good.
So then I considered going back to school because I feel SO...I don't know what the word is...pointless, maybe. I just feel like I want to be DOING something with my life. I feel like such a failure. I had been in advanced classes since I was in the 3rd grade and went to college. I got my associates and was progressing to my bachelors when my endometriosis hit and then a series of just craptastic events in my life followed....the rape, the domestic violence, the breakup....then it was hello to Fibro! I ended up getting kicked out of school because I missed class so much. Anyhoo, my point was that I started off SO WELL in life. Everyone had such high expectations for me. I was the first one in the family to ever go to college. And I know I can't control my health, but I feel like a failure/disappointment.
I understand what you're saying. It is so frustrating to WANT to excel and to feel like it's impossible. That will put you into a depression right there.
I know it doesn't ease anything that you're feeling, but there are some of us out there who may not have the same situation but we have the same feeling. If you need anything, please let us know.
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
5 laparoscopies for Endometriosis from 2002 - present
Anxiety since 2004
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder since 2005
GERD since 2008
Fibromyalgia since 2008
Colonoscopy - 2008
Endoscopy (EGD) - 2008
Currently in Physical Therapy for Pelvic Floor spasms. Also for lower back, hip & thigh muscular problems.
* Xanax for Anxiety
* Fish Oil Capsules
* Iron Pills
!!! At my wit's end with being "broken" !!!