Useless objects...get rid of them!

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 1/20/2009 1:16 PM (GMT -7)   
After reading through some posts on cleaning, clothing etc. I have decided to comprise a list of things fibromites can just do without and why.
Upright vacuum cleaner.  A horrific piece of machinery designed by 6 foot tall men that can bench press a Volvo.  It is a back wrencher, a knee popper and a groin puller.  It should be used to hang plants, a clothes hook, or a hat rack...or could be picked up by some manly man, and used as a battering ram to knock out walls.
Coffee table.  A shin buster and toe nail crusher that gets waxed with oven cleaner once a week.  Get rid of it.  There will be more space in the room to stock pile ding dongs and moon pies.
Refrigerator.  Just a big cold box where a fibromite might find car keys, dog leashes, credit cards, Vagasil or one lone sneaker.  Put your perishibles outside and get rid of it.  More room in the kitchen to stack up boxes of cherry chocolates and Hershey's Kisses.
Chair or recliner.  This is were you slither to on your belly after bending over to pick up what might be your last chocolate chip off the floor...a seemingly benign movement unless you are a fibromite.  Get rid of it and pile the space with nice down quilts and comforters.  That way when you are crawling for a comfortable space, it's closer to the ground.
Brassiere....'Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder'.  A torture devise, again, designed by men who think we all should look like a Victoria Secret Model.  A shoulder slicer and rib vise. Just flop around...who cares?
Toothpaste.  Just buy the gyno-lotromin and get it over with.  Toothpaste has been mistaken for Bengay, cortaid, hair conditioner, Preparation H, bathtub caulk...feminine hygeine products...just get the gyno Lotromin and use it for everything.  If you are in a fibro fog, it is the best tasting of all the above mentioned me.
Remote control:  Get rid of it and just keep on trying to turn on the t.v. with your Ipod, garage door opener or telephone.  It has too many number pads and buttons and you will no longer have to call the cable company after mistakenly pressing the 'menu' button by mistake.  Read some good books or have the neighbors come over every night and amuse you with movies of their grandchildren.
Knives.  Used to stab the crap out of sealed batteries, or anything packed in a plastic bubble.  Alternative uses include opening cans of varnish, slicing though the protective cellophane on an Advil bottle or scraping gum off the sole of you shoe.  May be used for chopping vegetables but only if a medivac unit is close by.  Just have the hubby or friend cut through your meat with a chainsaw.
Coffee pot.  Just something that gets filled with water without the coffee.  Go to Starbucks and save the electricty.
Stove:  Get rid of it.  You will no longer set yourself on fire reaching for something in the cabinet above it, burn holes through every pan and get half way to Baltimore and wonder if you left the tea kettle on.  Just eat Ho-Ho's and Snicker bars.  And think of all the room you will have in your kitchen for other things. Like a hot tub, for instance.
Mattress:  An expensive item meant to make your sleep restful and refreshing but feels like it has been stuffed with bowling balls, highway cones and cement blocks.  Throw a sheet on the bare floor and save yourself about three grand.  It feels the same as a mattress.
Throw rugs:  just small hunks of material used to cover up all the coffee, tea, soup etc, you have spilled on the carpet while hobbling to your sofa.  They grab you around the ankles and pull you to the floor when stepped upon at a wrong angle, and if they are placed on hard wood, you will know what it feels to fall off the balance beam in the Olympics.
Oh...there are so many other space savers but I don't want to fill up the megahunts or digabites on the forum.  If I have left out anything else that might help a fellow fibro mite 'minimalize' their home, just let me know.

fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Post Edited (vestabula) : 1/20/2009 3:27:29 PM (GMT-7)

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 99
   Posted 1/20/2009 1:29 PM (GMT -7)   
****...Donna that was great! The fact that I was sitting here, nodding and laughing while I was reading it attests to how true that post is!

It's funny but it's so sad that that's really our reality! lol

Good post!
Kathy :-)
Endometriosis since 2002 diagnosis via laparoscopy
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 1/20/2009 1:56 PM (GMT -7)   
So True, So True! Thanx for the giggles!

I love my cat, but sometimes I think she puts herself in front of my feet and plays dead on purpose, then scolds me for stepin' on her or tripping on her. HA-HA! Plus I can't see her on my way to the bathroom at night, shes all black.


getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
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   Posted 1/20/2009 2:02 PM (GMT -7)   
Kitchen table,
becomes a catch all. We have laps to put food on.
Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 1/20/2009 2:21 PM (GMT -7)   
Why hide your clothes in drawers where you can't see them. By the time you look in all the drawers, you forgot what you are looking for.

for the same reason.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 263
   Posted 1/20/2009 3:20 PM (GMT -7)   
ha ha ha ha ha! You're hilarious!

Lap blankets: unnecessary with the invention of laptop computers.
Pillows: unnecessary with the consent of the family dog
I have Fibromyalgia, and nothing else!
I take Lyrica 225 mg/day and Tramadol (150mg time-released)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 1/20/2009 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   

I forgot lawn mowers.  They are spine snappers.  I used to think doing the trimming with the push mower was good excersise.  Get some goats...they'll even eat the pricker weeds.


fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 120
   Posted 1/20/2009 5:28 PM (GMT -7)   
That is so hilarious. turn smilewinkgrin
Fibro, interstitial cystitis, migraines, rotated femur, bunion on rt ft, hiatal hernia, for just a few.

reglan, prilosec otc, nadol, citrilipram, flexeril, and peroxicam, and Tylenol.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 675
   Posted 1/20/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -7)   
Ahhhh.....laughter is GOOD yeah ...... thanks for the chuckles!  As I look at my elyptical machine in the corner (with malice, mind you) I wonder "what would Donna say about that particular waste of space!
diagnoses:  mono 1972; postviral CFS 1997; fibro 1998;  UCTD (dx limbo) 2007
meds: Plaquenil, occasional low dose xanax for sleep aid, artificial tears w/ ointment at night, Advil/aspirin prn

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 40
   Posted 1/21/2009 12:50 AM (GMT -7)   
vestabula~ This was great fun. Thanks for a much needed laugh. :)
still LOL!!

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 1/21/2009 7:25 AM (GMT -7)   
That was great Donna- thanks for the laugh!
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 1/21/2009 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   
Noooooo... not the recliner!!!!  Great one.. Donna!!

Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 1/21/2009 9:02 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Donna what would we do without your humor.
I know one thing I would love to get rid of in this house, every ceramic tile on the floors. I hate grout lines. devil I let Ken pick the tile out, big mistake. It would give me great pleasure and be worth the pain if I could take a sledge hammer and break everyone. I would replace it all with wood. I mean how stupid is it to have these little lines every 12 inches where stuff gets stuck forever.
luv and hugs
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 1/21/2009 11:14 AM (GMT -7)   
I meant to post this on a different thread...Duh...don't know how to move it.  Show's you where my so called mind is today!

Do you remember those tests they used to give us in highschool that included looking at geometric figures that were turned inside out, on there sides, in 3D etc and you were supposed to pick what it would look like unfolded?  I might as well have been looking at a recipe for lasagna written in Chinese.  I cannot vizualize, to this day, how things open, close...I can't tell you how many times I have dumped a ton of papers out of the hubby's brief case because I open it upside down...the same with suitcases.  Just yesterday I was going to toss a year old Dustbuster because when I put it on the charger the red light wouldn't come on to tell me it was charging.  The hubby went in and looked at it and I had shoved it in the charger backwards so it wasn't making the connection.  I was telling Sherrine the other day that I ran a motor cycle up the side of our house, through a cluster of mighty painful hedges I might add, because the twenty five lessons hubby gave me on where the gas and brakes were didn't register.

I'm just a spaz, and that's all there is too it.  Oh, opened a box of Shredded Wheat upside down, put it in the cupboard right side up and the next time I went for a bowl, the whole box dumped on the floor.




fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Post Edited (vestabula) : 1/21/2009 11:49:55 AM (GMT-7)

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 1/21/2009 8:56 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks Donna for the chuckles...I needed this today at the end of a very long day!
Still learning how to manage my Fibromylagia, and all the lovely gifts it brings.   
I had severe spinal stenosis, had fusion done on C5-7, and my life has changed. 

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