After reading through some posts on cleaning, clothing etc. I have decided to comprise a list of things fibromites can just do without and why.
Upright vacuum cleaner. A horrific piece of machinery designed by 6 foot tall men that can bench press a Volvo. It is a back wrencher, a knee popper and a groin puller. It should be used to hang plants, a clothes hook, or a hat rack...or could be picked up by some manly man, and used as a battering ram to knock out walls.
Coffee table. A shin buster and toe nail crusher that gets waxed with oven cleaner once a week. Get rid of it. There will be more space in the room to stock pile ding dongs and moon pies.
Refrigerator. Just a big cold box where a fibromite might find car keys, dog leashes, credit cards, Vagasil or one lone sneaker. Put your perishibles outside and get rid of it. More room in the kitchen to stack up boxes of cherry chocolates and Hershey's Kisses.
Chair or recliner. This is were you slither to on your belly after bending over to pick up what might be your last chocolate chip off the floor...a seemingly benign movement unless you are a fibromite. Get rid of it and pile the space with nice down quilts and comforters. That way when you are crawling for a comfortable space, it's closer to the ground.
Brassiere....'Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder'. A torture devise, again, designed by men who think we all should look like a Victoria Secret Model. A shoulder slicer and rib vise. Just flop around...who cares?
Toothpaste. Just buy the gyno-lotromin and get it over with. Toothpaste has been mistaken for Bengay, cortaid, hair conditioner, Preparation H, bathtub caulk...feminine hygeine products...just get the gyno Lotromin and use it for everything. If you are in a fibro fog, it is the best tasting of all the above mentioned products..trust me.
Remote control: Get rid of it and just keep on trying to turn on the t.v. with your Ipod, garage door opener or telephone. It has too many number pads and buttons and you will no longer have to call the cable company after mistakenly pressing the 'menu' button by mistake. Read some good books or have the neighbors come over every night and amuse you with movies of their grandchildren.
Knives. Used to stab the crap out of sealed batteries, or anything packed in a plastic bubble. Alternative uses include opening cans of varnish, slicing though the protective cellophane on an Advil bottle or scraping gum off the sole of you shoe. May be used for chopping vegetables but only if a medivac unit is close by. Just have the hubby or friend cut through your meat with a chainsaw.
Coffee pot. Just something that gets filled with water without the coffee. Go to Starbucks and save the electricty.
Stove: Get rid of it. You will no longer set yourself on fire reaching for something in the cabinet above it, burn holes through every pan and get half way to Baltimore and wonder if you left the tea kettle on. Just eat Ho-Ho's and Snicker bars. And think of all the room you will have in your kitchen for other things. Like a hot tub, for instance.
Mattress: An expensive item meant to make your sleep restful and refreshing but feels like it has been stuffed with bowling balls, highway cones and cement blocks. Throw a sheet on the bare floor and save yourself about three grand. It feels the same as a mattress.
Throw rugs: just small hunks of material used to cover up all the coffee, tea, soup etc, you have spilled on the carpet while hobbling to your sofa. They grab you around the ankles and pull you to the floor when stepped upon at a wrong angle, and if they are placed on hard wood, you will know what it feels to fall off the balance beam in the Olympics.
Oh...there are so many other space savers but I don't want to fill up the megahunts or digabites on the forum. If I have left out anything else that might help a fellow fibro mite 'minimalize' their home, just let me know.
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ Meds: Lexapro and valium
Post Edited (vestabula) : 1/20/2009 3:27:29 PM (GMT-7)