which came first-the fibro or the controlling nature?

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   Posted 1/26/2009 1:35 PM (GMT -7)   
so in reading today's koffee klatch (um, by the way-could someone explain to me what "klatch" means? i haven't been able to figure that one out!), i'm noticing a pattern here-none of us like surprises because we all like to be in control of our time and our environments. this got me to wondering...did we all become controlling because of our fibro? or were we controlling before the fibro? if the control came first, did our controlling natures influence the fibro at all??

when i think about myself pre-fibro, i have to say it's a little bit of both. i used to be more spontaneous than i am now, just because i had WAY more energy than i do now, but i have never liked new situations or surprises or changes in my routine much at all...and i have never, EVER liked people showing up at my house unannounced-even when i was a kid! weird, huh? i was also always really particular about my bedroom-it had to be just so. i hated it when my room was messy! as i got older, my control freak nature moved out into the rest of the house.

since fibro has come into my life, i have become more controlling of my time and energy-i hate to waste either-but less controlling of my physical environment in that i just don't have it in me to be as obsessively clean about everything anymore. (that was really hard for me to let go of! i still work on that every day)..and i still hate surprises! lol

i have to wonder-did my generally controlling nature contribute to my developing fibro later in life? hmm. i don't have the answers, obviously, just thinking out loud..

so what do you guys think? were you controlling pre-fibro or did that come about more after you were diagnosed?
love and hugs

fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck

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   Posted 1/26/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
Great thoughts. I think personally I have fought for control my entire life. I have never felt confident about myself which people around me find unbelievable that know me. Yes, when my control was stripped from me by my control freak husband I began to retaliate by exerting control wherever I could.

I think it is possibly our lack of real control that has caused us these pains. Many of us profess to being perfectionists, I am top of the list. Why, because this is an area of our lives we can control and be darned we are going to. Just my random thoughts.

I have found most of we fibros to be sensitive, very caring people that have possibly been pushed too far.

Anyone feel this way too. Patsie

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   Posted 1/26/2009 2:26 PM (GMT -7)   
I have never been controlling by nature, even with fibro I can still be pretty laid back. I think that why my hubby and I get along so well. I kind of roll with things and just deal with them as they come. I think fibro has made me think things through more than before but I am don't have to control things.
Fibro, interstitial cystitis, migraines, rotated femur, bunion on rt ft, hiatal hernia, for just a few.

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   Posted 1/26/2009 2:31 PM (GMT -7)   
A klatch is a group or an informal gathering of friends.
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
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God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

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   Posted 1/26/2009 2:36 PM (GMT -7)   
I wouldn't call myself "controlling" but for sure I'm an "over-functioner". Type-A, as they say. Highly driven.
Over-functioners are bound to have something physical happen to them to slow them down. There's a lot of stress when you believe you have to do everything yourself or it will never get done. Stress screws the physical body over in one way or other!
I have Fibromyalgia, and nothing else!
I take Lyrica 225 mg/day and Tramadol (150mg time-released) and amytriptilene 7.5mg

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   Posted 1/26/2009 3:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm not really clear on when my fibro started, but as far back as I can remember I have been trying to control my life. Avoiding activities that could get me hurt, controling my movements so as not to get exhausted, controling food intake to keep me from getting sick. The rest of my controling nature just comes from my desperate need to succede in life. It's wreacked some havock in my life and body, but I feel it's the only way I can make it to tomorrow.
Fibromyalgia: 2008

Effexor 150 mg, Flexril 5 mg, Gabapentin 600 mg

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   Posted 1/26/2009 6:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I've pretty much always been controlling, but I'm no longer a perfectionist. I think part of my problem now is that I don't have control over anything. Not my pain, not my health, not my family (they're gone) not much of anything. Diane
Fibromyalgia since 1984, Sjogren's, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Auto-immune eczema, GERD, osteoarthritis, IBS, RLS, sleep apnea

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   Posted 1/26/2009 6:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh my Danielle... you're being very thoughtful and analitical today.. LOL!!! :)
I've never been that much of a perfectionist... till I got older. Then OH WOW.. out of control!! I hate to admit that I'm controlling but I know darn well I am. Yikes!!!
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel. 
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   Posted 1/26/2009 7:26 PM (GMT -7)   
patti-you know what's sad? pre-fibro, i was thoughtful and analytical a lot of the time. i loved philosophy and theology and psychology and so on. now..pffffttt! *brain mush* i have to enjoy these random brief moments of brain clarity when i get them!

k9-it's funny that you mention that. as controlling as i've always been, i've never been a type-a personality. i have very little drive when it comes to success in a typical sort of way-i've always been more interested in learning about a lot of different things than i have been becoming super successful at one thing. also, most people would call me very laid back, and i usually am-unless you invade my personal space!!

i think this has a lot to do with my childhood. ok-i KNOW it does. everyone around me was out of control, and i had very little safety in my life. it makes sense that i would become very controlling of my environment.

orlo-your post really struck a chord with me. i know exactly what you are saying. did you have an over anxious parent at all? one of those "don't do that, you'll get hurt!" kind of parents? i just ask because my father was SO like this and i think it rubbed off on me..just wondering if you experienced something similar.

thank you everyone for your thoughts on this. if i had a shred of energy and way more ambition, i would love to become a psychologist and/or researcher specializing in fibro..but that's just not going to happen. lol
love and hugs

fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck

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   Posted 1/26/2009 8:10 PM (GMT -7)   
my theory on this, is that i like to control what i do, and that i do push myself too much, because i think that maybe since i can't control how i feel pain/ health wise, i like to control some aspect of my life, so i try to control and do stuff, even if im in too much pain and shouldn't do them anyways.
thats what i think. a person likes to be in control of some part of their life and when they can't control a portion of it, how they feel pain wise, then they try to control other parts of their life.

"never regret something that made you smile"

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   Posted 1/26/2009 8:21 PM (GMT -7)   
I have never been a type A personality,I'm a people pleaser,happy go lucky by nature,I laugh alot(or used to).strange.....

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   Posted 1/27/2009 12:03 AM (GMT -7)   
danielle, I was taught to be a perfectionist.  My mother ran our house like the CEO of a company.  Each of us, me & 5 siblings, had our place & our jobs to keep the home running smoothly.  My moms'house was always clean, clean, clean.   Everything organized & nothing wasted.  My siblings & I always say she could have ran a huge conglomerate & still had time to come home & make dinner.  She taught us all to be organized & how to multitask.  These were great lessons & have helped me in many ways in my life & at my jobs.  The downside is, no matter how hard I have tried I can't keep my house as clean as hers but I worked full time & she didn't.   She died many years ago from cancer but she has always been in my head.  Since I have been sick I have had to rewrite those tapes in my head & let them go.  So, for me the perfectionism came first but who knows maybe it contributed to getting Fibro.  Hugs, Denise

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, depression, TMJ

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Date Joined Oct 2008
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   Posted 1/27/2009 3:16 AM (GMT -7)   
I wish I had some kind of answer. I certainly am controlling of what I do, but as for what my kids do, raising one with Asperger's Syndrome taught me that there is NO way to control what a child of any age does.

But I developed fibro as a very young teen, so I really don't remember much of life w/o having to pace myself, limit spontaneity, etc..... (Life with a child on the Autistic Spectrum made me live a much more scheduled/rigid life b/c he couldn't handle changes to his schedule or even too many activities in one day.)

This is an interesting question, and probably has different answers for every person.
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Total Posts : 73
   Posted 1/28/2009 7:01 AM (GMT -7)   
Danielle, I couldn't figure out what "klatch" meant either LOL Good to know now, Sherrine.. thank you :-)
21 years old
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