The hubby gets a Hammacher Schlemmer catalog. Don't know why because we can't afford anything in it. I looked through it last night and laughed my head off. I thought of we fibro-mites using some of these items to make our day so much more efficient and pain free.
Spring Loaded Walking Shoes. Ba Doink, ba Doink, ba doink, all over the house...now able to reach that bag of chips on top of the refrigerator.
Spring Loaded Sandals. Ba-Doink. Claims to reclaim 96% of the energy you waste while walking. If I wore these 'attractive shoes' on an uneven surface they'd have to have me air lifted.
How about a telescope/walking stick combo? You are hobbling through Walmart and want to read a label on a bottle of vitamins on the top shelf. There ya go...just turn a knob, and the end transform into a telescope that can see Mars on a cloudy night. I can only imagine the crowd you would draw while peering through it to see if there is any yeast products in the vitamins.
The Plantar Fascitis Night Brace. OMG. It looks like torture. It is a 'boot' that velcroes around your ankle then has a strap that pulls your toes up straight in the air at a 90 degree angle. Owwy.
A genuine leather lounger that when you press a button shoots you out of the chair so you don't have to hike yourself out. Every fibromite should have one of these...just make sure there is someone to catch you.
A handheld Brain and memory trainer. Good idea for a fibromite but the instructions are a page long and complicated and the screen looks like a fighter jet panel. I can't use the features on my cell phone.
The Balance Board trainer...'Good work out for all ages!' It looks like a skateboard on top of three bowling balls. There is a warning beneath the product that reads: Please consult your physican before using this equipment. Really??? Do I have to?? You would think my doc would like to fit me with a neck brace and crutches.
I love this one. A stainless steel wallet. You have got to be kidding me. It weighs a mere one pound. But...it is resistant to acids and seawater. I expose myself to these things all the time, with my skin diving and my side job in car mechanics so maybe I'll buy one. Besides, my purse isn't heavy enough.
An oxygen bar to improve your concentration and memory. Just pull the monster around with you through the stores and while you clean and you will remember what you are supposed to be doing. Plays music through four Bose speakers. You can even drive with this around your neck!
An alarm clock that screams 'Get up!' if you don't respond to it ten times in a row.
A GPS Homing device that attaches to your key chain. Claims you can find yourself in 'urban canyons' and if you should get lost 'deep in a forest'. Again, the instructions are a page long and it is only the size of a 'drink coaster'.
Oh...there are so many more ....Spring loaded hiking boots also. What's with the spring loaded...Ba-Doink! Oh...and a 'five axis mechanical core muscle trainer' for those who are physcially limited and unable to withstand daily exercise. It looks like a horse saddle on wheels, with stirrups and eveything. I guess it could be used to give yourself your own pap smear if you wanted to go that route...am I allowed to say that???
Wish they had a robot that would shovel the snow. We only have 125 inches as of this morning.
I don't know why the font keeps changing. Maybe they have something in this catalog that will fix it.
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ Meds: Lexapro and valium
Post Edited (vestabula) : 1/31/2009 7:57:37 AM (GMT-7)