Fight with sister brought on major flare...

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 2/22/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   
Hello everyone.
I got into a huge fight with my sister yesterday. The weather was crappy here and it was my nephew Matthew's b-day party. I didn't want to get my son out in the weather because he is having tubes put in his ears on Tuesday and I didn't want to risk him getting sick and them having to postpone the operation. She told me that she thought that I was being selfish and that I just didn't want to go. And I told her that wasn't the case. I told her that she was being unfair and I didn't want to argue with her about it. She said that she should have known that I wouldn't be coming because I didn't remember about the party when she reminded me about in on Thursday. I told her that half the time I don't remember what day of the week it is. (This is because of my fibrofog.) She said that if I didn't pop so many pills then I would remember things. mad   She said that I was drugged all the time, which I'm not. If I were, then my husband would take my pills away and monitor how many I took. My sister can't make 120 percoset(sp?) 10s last a month and she says I am the one who is always drugged. I yelled at her that if I was drugged all the time then so was she, which she actually is but doesn't want to admit it. This was when I hung up the phone.
I was so upset that I was shaking and crying. I pulled out my mp3 player and started doing some major cleaning even though I was in a lot of pain. I pushed through it and did a lot of cleaning and wore myself out so bad that I had dark rings around my eyes and my husband told me I had to lie down. I ended up passing out from exhaustion for 3 hours. Today, I am in a whole lot of pain and I feel really worn out.
My sister doesn't believe in fibro. She thinks it is all in my head and that I am just using it as an excuse to be lazy and take drugs. rolleyes   I am so tired of this crap. I am just going to ignore her for a while. But I feel so horrible because we were getting along great for over a month. I don't know what to do.
Sorry I talked for so long. I really needed to vent this out. Thanks for letting me do that.
~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.

New Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 14
   Posted 2/22/2009 10:14 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry.  Families can be a real pain (pardon the pun!)

Big Hugs to you,


Fibromyalgia     On Imovane and Lyrica

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 519
   Posted 2/22/2009 11:10 AM (GMT -7)   

So sorry about the arguement with your sister. Just try to get it off of your mind and let it go. These things seem to blow over after awhile. You need to relax your mind and take it easy, so you don't end up in a long flare!

Sometimes it is hard to get family to understand how we feel. I know some of my family doesn't understand my Fibro and I get stressed if I have to miss out on something, but it all blows over and another day begins.

I hope you get to feeling better soon!

Hugs!!  Margie

Never regret something that made you smile!

Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis on Spine*SleepApnea

Menopause*RLS*Spurs on Spine*Allergy/Sinus

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 56
   Posted 2/22/2009 12:41 PM (GMT -7)   
my sister tries to be nice about all this but i think that she dont believe me about it. see i have been the "bad girl" my whole life so i feel like she thinks that my non stop life and bad chooses have caught up to me at 29. she made the comment the other day on the phone that she wishes that when she had a bad day she could just take a pill and forget about it. that hurts. i would not wish this on anyone but i wish people would try to understand us a little more
I smile through fibro

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17528
   Posted 2/22/2009 1:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Family fights are so hard on everyone.  How about, when your son is feeling good again after his surgery, you call your sister and make plans to have a belated get together for Matthew's birthday.  She might listen to  you as to why you didn't go yesterday.  You missed the party to help protect your child.
I hope you two get things straightened out again, soon.
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 532
   Posted 2/22/2009 2:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I can relate I have not spoken with my sister in about six months and Iknow that In my heart what she did was wrong (she stole my Moms Identity and put 9000.00 on credit cards.) will not make restution to my parents. Says she deserves that money..
I really miss her but I refuse to talk to her until she appoligizes for some of the things she has done and said and until she agrees to pay my parents back.
I have hAD several fights with her and one of us usually give in it is the longest I have ever gone with out speaking to her.
You were protecting your choild the best way you can and should not be punished for that. Having tubes put in my daughters ears was the best thing I ever did for her. She went from being a crying miserable baby to a happy baby overnight.
I would also try to get togather after ears are done to celebrate birthday.

Good luck

Sera Smiles
Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2006
Total Posts : 671
   Posted 2/22/2009 2:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Tiki, I am sorry about what you are being forced to deal with. I can't explain why, but it seems that people are ugliest and meanest to the people closest to them- family. I have always had a tough time with the family I was born into. My parents have 2 other children, and I have never enjoyed a healthy, positive relationship with anyone but my father. I do believe that I tried to make things better over the years, but after enough time, realizing that nothing was going to change, I moved far away and now have very little to do with them. We are not estranged, I just limit access to them so that trouble has less chance of rearing its ugly, judgmental head. Trust your instincts on this situation- I would love for you to be able to build a great relationship with your sister, but if it comes at too great a price, that may not be possible. Your health must come first.
"A butterfly is most vulnerable immediately after its metamorphosis."
Dx FM- 2003
Rx Meds- Ultram, Flexeril, Toprol, Cymbalta, Buspar 
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Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 2/22/2009 3:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Fight with sister huh? Sounds familiar. Does sis have Fibro? Probably not since she eats 120 perks a month and you are "the addict". Anyone ever been to a twelve step meeting. There's a step there; forth, I believe, that goes like 'made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves," something like that; so my Mom tells me she has done this; I say great. She says "do you want to read it?" I said,"it's personal isn't it?" "Oh no, go ahead and read it. "Well folks it was all about me. My name was in every second sentence. The searching and fearless moral inventory was her taking my inventory. Then it got passed around the family, and I am "it", big time, ever since. With Ma, who believe you, me ain't no angel, by sis, who smokes ---, well we'll leave that out. Even by my brother whom i enjoyed an excellent relationship with until these past three years I've been handling my Dad's care and business, and stepmom's care and business. He is conveniently ensconced a safe 1500 miles away and far to busy to visit. Now let me tell you about my friends. These are the online people who listen to me whine and complain almost daily, and always respond upbeat and positive, on my side of the equation. Also, a retired minister whom I suspected reached into his own pocket and took out a thousand dollars to "buy"all the furniture, appliances and everything else in the rotten mouldy, falling down farmhouse. He didn't "buy" these things personally, he called around the community and found folk who needed various items, and gave them the cash to "buy" these things while I was struggling to care for my Dad with Alzheimers and a brain tumour, plus his wife with end stage Kidney Failure. He did it this way to avoid me losing face, so to say. Also, a neighbor and his wife who despite horrendous health problems of their own helped me in so many ways, If I listed them it would take a small novel. This is my family, now.

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 2/22/2009 4:00 PM (GMT -7)   

My sister and I have never got on the greatest. She has always tried to control my life, and for years, I have let her. But now I am an adult, and I have a family of my own, and she still tries to control me. She says that her life and finances and the way she raises her children and so on are her business, but she seems to think that my life should be her business too. I don't understand that. My grandma, one of the greatest people I know, told her she needs to quit being so controlling of me, but she didn't want to listen to her. My sister doesn't really like to listen to anyone. She wants everyone to listen to her, though. But, whatever. Anyways. I know this whole thing will blow over eventually, but I am not going to let her control my life anymore. Even though the fight made me feel terrible, I still felt good about myself because I had finally stood up to her.

I am just going to ignore her for a while and let her cool down...which tends to take a while. I am not going to apologize for not coming to the party because I had the right reasons, but I may apologize for some of the things I said to her. Even if some of them were true.

Thanks everyone for the advice. I always feel like you all are my best friends, even though I don't really know you all that well. We all have at least one thing in common, and that is fibro. So, thank you.

~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few. 
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/23/2009 9:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Tiki, is your sister one of my DILs??? devil I blew up at her a couple weeks ago cause I get so tired of having every mistake I make pointed out to me, it was all over a phone call that I was just too tired to make when DH was in hos. She thinks the world revolves around her and everything has to be her way or no way. The stress of arguing did make me hurt more and feel worse so I did finally apologize to her to just clear the air cause it wasn't worth what it was doing to my body and she sure isn't going to change. I have to pick my battles anymore cause it does affect my whole body and it isn't worth it. I was right and she was wrong but let her think whatever she wants, I have to protect my body from as much stress as possible.
No, I wouldn't have taken my child to a birthday party around a bunch of other children right before getting tubes put in his ears. Obviously you are more protective of your child than she would have been her's if she doesn't understand that. But I would make nice, nice with her so it doesn't affect your health.
luv and hugs
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