Falling apart and life in chaos!

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New Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 2/25/2009 9:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Everything has just been so hard lately. I'm trying to finish up my last classes to graduate college in May, planning a wedding while having relationship issues because of money problems, health problems, house problems and more.
I took about a month leave from work because it was really affecting my health and now I'm faced with the decision of whether or not to go back or wait another couple months for my vocational rehab counselor to help me find something that fits my needs better. We need the money so much with rent, bills, the wedding, not to mention the thousands of dollars of debt that my fiance already has at 23 years old. Dealing with money is not something I need, especially when it is hard to work. It makes me feel so inadequate a lot of the time.
I've been trying to make some lifestyle adjustments while I've been on leave which is what I need, time to make lifestyle adjustments, lots of them: diet, sleeping patterns, activity/rest scheduling, exercise, and other stuff. I feel like the relationship between me and my fiance has really been hit hard with all that we're dealing with and I feel we are growing distant and grumpy all the time. This is horrible because we're getting married in July and I want some things to work out before then with health and money and work and other stuff so that all of that is not overshadowing our wedding. I don't want to say, I'm having second thoughts about marrying him, I love him with all my heart and would definitely marry him, but a lot of thoughts go through a person's mind when they're under this kind of stress. Uggghh.
Just looking for support.

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 2/25/2009 11:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Hey, Jen...I'm wondering if you and your fiance have looked at taking any of Dave Ramsey's courses?? I know you probably feel like you don't need one more thing to do right now, but I have a feeling alot of your issues (which tend to revolve around $$) would fall into place, or at least, you'd have tools with which to work together as a couple and help you feel more confident in your decisions.

Hang in there - I'll say a prayer for you tonight!
Still learning how to manage my Fibromylagia, and all the lovely gifts it brings.   
I had severe spinal stenosis, had fusion done on C5-7, and my life has changed. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 2/25/2009 11:55 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jen...

And welcome! First off...relax! I'm sure if feels as if the world is caving in around you but sit back and take a look at what you DO have and what other help is out there for you.

I'd tackle the debt first. Personally, if my fiance' is bring a large debt into the marriage that needs to be addressed first as money leads to more divorces than anything else. Get some truly free credit counseling. Most all of the advertisements for 'free' credit counseling services you hear end up costing you a fortune. Make sure anyone you are seeking free help from is a member of NFCC... here's their site. http://www.nfcc.org/ That way you know you will be treated fairly. He is the one who needs to take the lead in this since he racked up the debt.

And as far as your working goes...does the rehab counselor have access to other kinds of counseling that you could take advantage of? Or maybe you can have a chat session with your primary doc or a minister. Sounds like some reassurance right now would be a good thing.

Next...please do NOT go in dept on a wedding. You can have a wonderful time on very little money. Sure, it won't be a movie star wedding but after all...what's it all about anyway. It's about the rest of your life, not a fairy tale day. Be reasonable and have everything paid for before the big day...paid for in cash. If you can't afford it you don't need it. We just did a wedding for our 'extra' daughter and although it about wiped me out physically, I did it for about 5 cents on the dollar and it was breathtaking! Have family and friends help, call in those favors and most important..enjoy the day.

I don't really have any ideas about your job. You are the one who has to make that decision since you are the one who has to show up every day. Do you love the job itself? Are there others jobs in your field available right now? This is a bad time to be looking for flex work...everyone wants it and there are a lot of qualified people out there who are unemployed.

These are my thoughts from years and years...lol...of life experiences and many years of teaching at the college level. Take your time, use your resources and then make your decision without looking back.

Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis and a few other side dishes.
Happiness is something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2008
Total Posts : 519
   Posted 2/26/2009 12:10 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi Jen & welcome!

It sounds like you have alot going on all at once. I know that sometimes work, dealing with my health issues, & doctor appointments is enough for me & then when other issues come up I am so stressed it's like I can't handle it all.  I don't even want to think about any other problems because my mind says I have enough to handle.

You have so much going on and trying to make adjustments also it is bound to be too much. In the last year I have cut back my hours at work quite a bit because I just couldn't go in every day due to the pain & fatigue. I have really felt guilty not helping more with money at home, but I also realize that if I don't take the time for myself when I need to, then I may not be able to work at all.

I think these days everyone is going thru some kind of stress about money. Hopefully, you will get things straightened out with your health and will be able to get back on track, but if not, then don't worry about it. It will all work out in the end. With everything going on in your lives I think it would be normal for you & your fiance to maybe be feeling a bit cranky and stressed. Anyone would in your situations!

Just hang in there and take one thing at a time. Once you get to feeling better and get things worked out with work and your health (don't go back too soon unless you feel you are up to it) things will start to look better and I'm sure your fiance will be much happier. He is probably just as stressed as you are & also maybe worried about your health. When I am hurting and feeling down, I know it affects my husband.

Hang in there, take it day by day & try not to worry about fixing things all at once. It will all come together in the end. You need to just focus on you right now. Good luck and keep us posted on how things are going.

Hugs!!   Margie


Never regret something that made you smile!

Fibromyalgia*Osteoarthritis on Spine*SleepApnea

Menopause*RLS*Spurs on Spine*Allergy/Sinus

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 2/26/2009 5:59 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Jen,
I just wanted to pop my head in to say Welcome to the Forum.
I try not to give advice when it comes to issues about love and money. But I will give you support. I hope you can get all of these things worked out before your wedding. After reading some of the other posts it looks like you've gotten some good suggestions.
I hope you'll come back and let us know how things are going.
Good luck & warm hugs,
Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 532
   Posted 2/26/2009 10:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I want to welcome you, and I do want to add that starting a marriage in debt is never a good idea. Planning a wedding is suppose to be one of the best parts of your life (I never felt that way) I hated planning my wedding I wanted it one way husbands family a different. It got to the point where I had a meeting with both sets of parents and told them the way it was gonna be and if they wanted something different they could run it buy me and if I approved they could have it there way as long as they were footing the cost of it. As far as the job thing I am not sure what your expectations are of a career I would be cautios with the way the economey is and most are just happy to have a job. I think i would go back to my job until you have one in your expertise. These are just ramblings and my opinion you are at a time in your life where you have a lot going on Can you postpone some of your decisions until you are less stressful. If you are having these thoughts about getting married have you thought about postpone ing that until your fiance is out of debt and you are in a career that is in your chosen field. You should really talk to your fiance and get his input maybe he is feeling the same way and does not want to put u under added stress.

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41827
   Posted 2/26/2009 2:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Gen,

It looks like you have gotten some wonderful advice on this subject (s). I myself, just wanted to welcome you to the forum. You will be at home here, I am sure.

Keep posting and let us know how things are going.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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