Only you all understand how hard it is to live with this

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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 5514
   Posted 2/27/2009 6:39 PM (GMT -7)   
I have this overwhelming desire to keep up with my peers in the photography industry.  I see and hear about all the work they're doing, all the new technology they're researching, how their businesses are growing and expanding.  I on the other hand see my business going in the opposite direction.  I'm struggling to make ends meet, and I'm embarrassed to admit to anyone that my business is a wash-up.  I would have a thriving, growing, exciting business if I could do the amount of work the others can do.  I've put everything I have into this lovely little business.  I offer excellent service and really nice photography. But I can't take enough work to keep it going, or keep my bills paid; let alone upgrade my equipment that is literally on its last legs.  Oh you guys I want to fit in so badly.  I want to do what they're doing.  I want to have their energy, drive, enthusiasm, and success. I see photographers who came on the scene 4 years ago, flying past me. Literally leaving me in the dust, and I've been doing this for a decade now. I'm spinning my wheels.  Going nowhere.
My motivation is dismal right now. I'm just so tired and worn out.  Feeling pressure to continue because if I don't we lose the house, cars, etc.  I want to continue. I just don't have the "umph" to keep going at this pace (and this pace isn't very fast).  Lupus and Fibro has taken enough from me already. Now it wants my career, my passion.
I needed to get my feelings out. As much as my family and husband support me, they don't understand what this does to my confidence and my self esteem.  Thanks for letting me vent and cry.
I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

35 years old. Diagnosed with Lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, Anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke, 2002), Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, arthritis (neck), anxiety, Chinook migraines. Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, Didrocal, Cozaar, Zoloft, Neurontin, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus
Co-Moderator for the Lupus and Fibromyalgia forums

Regular Member

Date Joined Oct 2008
Total Posts : 257
   Posted 2/27/2009 6:55 PM (GMT -7)   

It's hard to know what the right words to say are...I'm glad you at least have this place to pour out your heart. I miss my chosen profession, too. I just am grateful for the disability insurance benefit I had which is allowing me to take this reprieve. It must be just awful to have the added stress of the financial burden.

One day at a time, sister...just one day at a time. Your God will not forsake you. I'll say an extra prayer for you tonight.

Still learning how to manage my Fibromylagia, and all the lovely gifts it brings.   
I had severe spinal stenosis, had fusion done on C5-7, and my life has changed. 

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41935
   Posted 2/27/2009 9:55 PM (GMT -7)   

I lost my fresh floral business and I know how it feels. It was mostly due to fibro, but other things started going wrong. They misprinted my phone number in the yellow pages, they never put me on My grandopening ad was tucked away in the paper so deep that it took me three times to find it. So many things went wrong, which only made my fibro worse. I am sure that you know how that goes. 911 didn't help either, because everybody was so depressed that nobody had the ambition to be buying flowers. So I know how this feels. You reach your goal but can't quite retain it.

I finally admitted that I just couldn't do it anymore and shut the doors. I fought it for a long time. Thinking that I would get better and maybe I can continue. But I don't think so any more. I put my floral cooler on ebay. But it didn't sell. I still have most of my stuff, hoping for that one day I can try again. I don't know. It is depressing.

I hope that you gain the strength to continue with your passion. That would be cool. I wish I could start again, that is cool. But wishing is a lot different from being able to. I am rattling now. This is suppose to be about you. But when I did lose it, it took awhile to actually greive it all. So keep your chin up nomatter what happens. We are all here for you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 2/28/2009 5:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Dear Ginnie: I can so relate. I was once reknown for taking the meanest teenagers in three provinces on, and getting them to see a bigger, brighter picture. I spent years caring for a little baby girl whose crack-addicted father shook her so hard her brain bounced around in her skull, and left unimaginable neurological brain damage. Eventually we got her integrated into a home with very aware, caring, permanent parents. I no longer can do any of this work. Last job I had was at a recycling depot sorting garbage and got fired from that. Lived homeless for half a year. I just gave up. Now, I am beginning to see, I was being prepared for something much bigger, much more important. If I had not gone through those horrific times, I wouldn't have been able to do what I am doing now. Caring for dying old folks, cleaning out their falling down wreck of a house, to raise the money to continue to care for them. So, if you could only see around the next corner, you might understand. Sometimes we have to let go of the things we love, because of a higher calling. Ginny, let go. Be patient. It's there. You just cannot see it yet. God Bless you with an answer, soon.   

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 2/28/2009 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh Ginny, I feel your pain.

First of all, I always wanted to be a photographer when I grew up!!  Problem is I never grew up.. ~ see I knew I could make you smile~.

My brother had a photography business, I know how much work it is.  Having to keep up with the newest products in your industry is extremely expensive.  He gave up his business a couple of years ago, but he also had a really good job, he was doing the photography thing on the side.  Sometimes the people you have to deal with in the photog. biz are enough to make you want to give it all up... they can be very demanding.

I had a DJ business about 8 years ago.  We did a lot of weddings and parties.  Its alot like the photography business.  We had to keep up with the newest music and equiptment.  It was fun while it lasted (about 3 years) but the equiptment got to be too heavy for my hubby to deal with and we were spending more than we were making.  It was hard to give it up but we did.  I always felt kind of sorry for the photographers .. they had to be there the whole day.. we only had to do the reception part of the event and we WERE the party, so we always had to be up beat, even when we were having a bad day.

I've done some motivational speaking in my time.. the best advice I can give you is to go to a confrence or photo show, it might help motivate you to get going again. 

I had to give up my career last Nov. because of Fibro and I couldn't handle the hours and work load.  I don't know which was harder, accepting the fact that I couldn't handle the work I loved or the phase I'm in right now.. being unemployed in a down economy. 

So no matter which way you turn you'll have some emotional & financial issues.  Take your time, but remember, to do what's best for you.

Hope that helped a little.. and again, I do know what you're going through.  I hope you can find your answer.

Warm hugs,


Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1279
   Posted 2/28/2009 8:08 AM (GMT -7)   

I feel for you Ginny- 

I have not worked since last May and it has been heartbreaking. I worked long, hard hours, but for a good company and was finally making a "living." I had just qualified to buy a townhome (I have never owned a home- always rented) and I was so excited! I have raised two boys on my own and it took years to get where I was. Then the fibro hit like a ton of bricks and turned my world upside down.

I am battling Soc. Sec. Dis. and I am not sure what my future holds right now. I try to stay positive and I am taking one step and one day at a time. I have made it this far- 

If this does not work out for you- I have noticed in my life that another door opens.

Know that we are here for you no matter what happens.


Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety, TMJ, Arthritis/neck, SAD
Zoloft, Tylenol 4000 mg., Darvocet  

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 5514
   Posted 2/28/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you each and every one of you for your support and encouragement.  It means the world to me.  My Fibro has become so bad that I don't honestly know how I can do these 12 hour weddings.  I think the energy and strength is definitely coming from a higher power! 
I just completed a studio in our basement.  It will allow me to stay at home more, and do portrait, baby, maternity, pet sessions at home so I don't have to drive all over the crazy city wasting my energy.  My first shoot in on March 8, and I have 10 sessions booked for that month!!  It's amazing.  So with a bit of time, maybe I can give up the weddings and focus on less demanding shoots.  The reason I keep doing weddings is really simple.  One reason only.... It pays like crazy!  But it's not worth losing my health over. Not even for a second.
I posted this thread in the lupus forum too.  I mentioned in my reply there that I have this "abandoned" feeling. I'm in slow motion, while my peers are in warp speed.  I've been left behind.  I think that's a reasonable metaphor for how I feel. 
Thank you again everyone. I'll let you know how I make out this season.
Love ya!
I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

35 years old. Diagnosed with Lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, Anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke, 2002), Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, arthritis (neck), anxiety, Chinook migraines. Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, Didrocal, Cozaar, Zoloft, Neurontin, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus
Co-Moderator for the Lupus and Fibromyalgia forums

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/28/2009 9:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Ginny, my DH and I are dealing with making decisions about his business that he spent years building. With his health problems the past four months and the economy there isn't much business left. I haven't had the energy with fibro to help him out any. You come to a cross road in your life where you have to make major decisions and it's not easy. Especially when you think you have your life all planned out and something happens that turns it all upside down.
Is there anything in the business that you can do that is not as demanding??? Your so young and it would be so sad to have to give your dream up now so maybe take it in another direction.
I do hope you can work this out and you know we understand so pour it all out when you need to.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium and Osteoarthritis
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New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 9
   Posted 3/6/2009 7:22 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, I can relate as to how devastating this DD can be.  I have had a small sewing business for many years that I have had to fold up due to back pain, but I still sewed for my daughters and grands.  Now, I can barely do any sewing at all, maybe an outfit every 2 weeks or so.  Nothing compared to my 20 a week norm.  I miss that creative outlet, I miss that time alone, and I miss being productive.  It's a hard disease.
Terri in TN 

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2008
Total Posts : 159
   Posted 3/18/2009 8:31 AM (GMT -7)   
Does anyone ever get ssd with this horrible disease. I too have lost my job to this fibro. I am so frustrated after going to college for 5 yrs to earn an associates degree to only end up unable to keep up with the demands of the job or any job for that matter is so degrading. i really wanted to have this career an retire, to show my kids it can be done.. and now i am showing them I can't!!!! the last two years have really been the worst!!! I will too be going for ssd... i pray to god that the government understands this is the hardest thing to have and work at the same time..!!!! confused

Extremely frustrated!!! laura oh and god bless us all!!!!
Cervical spine surgery 2004, C-section 1986, Cholecystectomy 1999, Thoracic and Lumbar injury 2000. Anxiety/depression 2008. Fibromyalgia 2009, Thyroidectomy 2008. Degenerative disc disease. IBS. Asthma

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