I'm not venting just expressing my feelings.

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   Posted 3/4/2009 1:27 PM (GMT -7)   
I come to the conclusion today that I can either have a clean house or I can enjoy life, but not both. I have been trying to get some cleaning done before the whole tribe comes home next weekend if not before, we are still living on Tator Tot time. Dad/Grandpa's birthday is Tues and oldest son will be here Wed or Thurs I can't even remember at this point.
Weather changes, stress or whatever is causing headaches that tylenol doesn't even touch, probably stress. My mind has been so far gone I mailed some bills yesterday and got a call this morning from the hospital. I sent the statement in an envelope but forgot to write the check and put it in, that is a first for me.
So I'm going to make a sign to put on the door that says, "If the house does not live up to your expectations of cleanliness either clean it, hire me a maid or go to a motel". I have DILs that know I have fibro and I think it is time for them to do a little for me instead of me doing for them.
Jeannie, your right, I'm going to start enjoying events instead of worrying about cleaning my house. yeah
Now I feel better after getting that out and I'm going to go enjoy a nice hot shower. devil
luv and hugs
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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 3/4/2009 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   


Good for you!!!  You go Girl!!!     Hugs, Denise

 I have:  Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, Holt-Oram Syndrome, nasal allergies, food allergies, depression, TMJ, anxiety

Married to a wonderful supportive husband & between us we have 4 children & 7 grandchildren

As apples of gold in silver carvings is a word spoken at the right time for it.    Prov. 25:11

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Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 3/4/2009 1:33 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh Marlee, if you can stick to your guns I am so proud of you. I am a perfectionist from the word GO!!! Of late with this fibro I have realized it cannot be perfect, not that it ever was, but up to my very high standards and live any form of a life. Here's the deal, do you want people you care about to visit you or your house? Now I know for some of us this is really hard. The heck with those DIL's, which can be the absolute worst!!!!

You know what we need to get through our heads is IF they are scrutinizing our houses then they are the one with the problem. Do you know as clean as I am I do not judge or even look at other peoples level of cleanliness. I really don't care and I wonder if other perfectionists feel this way. I am my only enemy.

This "vent" of yours hit very close to home hehehe.

You go Girl, Patsie

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   Posted 3/4/2009 2:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Marlee, good for you!!  I really needed to read your post today. 
I have been struggling so much with feeling guilty over not being able to clean like I would like to. My fatigue/pain have gotten a lot worse over the past few months, and I'm really having trouble keeping up with all of the housework.  If I clean like I think I "should," I end up sacked out on the couch at 7:00pm, and I don't get to spend any time with my family.  I need to get my priorities straight.
You know Patsie, I actually envy people who don't feel the need to have a spotless house when they have company.  I'm just the opposite; I feel like you should be able to eat off my floors, especially when I have visitors. It's a habit I really need to break.  I also don't really look to see how clean anyone elses house is, but I feel like everyone is looking at mine (probably not true).  I think a lot of us here are perfectionists.
As of today, I'm just going to try to keep it clean enough to avoid a visit from the health dept.  devil
Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 3/4/2009 2:42 PM (GMT -7)   
Back to you Austen,

I totally envy people who live in their homes. Isn't that what a home is all about??? I do not want to be remembered with a bottle of Windex in my "paws". Working on it so hard. You know it just stresses me when it needs doing so need ideas on ways to just over look it. WHO CARES!!!!!


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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 204
   Posted 3/4/2009 3:12 PM (GMT -7)   
Here here Marlee I totally agree with you!! Kudos!!
Diagnosed with Panic Disorder(16 yrs ago)-GERD(12 years ago)-GAD(16 yrs ago)-IBS(12 years ago)-DDD(6 years ago)-Arthritis(since teenager)-Controled HBP(2 years ago)-Diagnosed with fibromyalgia 9-29-08.
Meds: Cardizem CD~Prilosec~Klonopin(prn)~Daily Vitamin~Tylenol~Lyrica

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 178
   Posted 3/4/2009 3:24 PM (GMT -7)   
I was once told people come to visit me not my home. I too will just try and keep it clean enough today so the Health department isnt alerted. Section 8 came a month ago and said it wasn't clean enough. I told the inspector to hire me a maid or leave me alone, lol. I have no issue speaking my mind.

getting by
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   Posted 3/4/2009 3:32 PM (GMT -7)   
You guys just made my day. I have so much trouble keeping my house clean. It is small and it is cluttered. I have such a hard time keeping my place organized, and when people come over I feel like they notice everything that I do.

But you guys are right, people don't notice other peoples houses like we notice our own. When I go somewhere, I don't notice whether they have dusted, or if the floor is dirty.

This time of the year, all the snow tracks in and my floor gets so tracked up. I feel like I am always mopping.

But anyway, reading what you guys wrote really did make me feel more at ease.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 3/4/2009 5:50 PM (GMT -7)   


Good idea for the sign!  It is really hard some days to look at the mess but I'm starting to get better about it.  Life is to short to spend all of my energy on cleaning!

I think you should sell those signs, it could be very profitable!

Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, Restless Leg Syndrome, Migraines
42 year old proud mom of three daughters

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Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 3/4/2009 6:04 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm with ya lady, you need help on kickin' anybody out, I'm there!LOL :-)

"Dust is a Country Accent."

P.S. I hope you had a very relaxing hot shower.
Dx Fibro 1/2008, gastritis

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Date Joined Jan 2009
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   Posted 3/4/2009 6:42 PM (GMT -7)   

Trust me.. people who really love you are coming by to see you and not be inspecting your house.  Does anyone do that when you visit your loved ones?  If they do, that's pretty shallow.

The only time, I think, we need "show case houses" is when they're for sale.. otherwise they are our homes, for us to enjoy and LIVE in and part of life is having good days and bad days.  If you're not well, you can't expect to work on your house 40 hours a week.. if you could do that you'd be out working!! And if you were out working full time, you'd still be worried about how tidy your home is, when visitors stop by.

So, I'm glad you're taking a stand in this dear Marlee!!!  I'm proud of you!!! yeah You're finally looking out for someone near and dear to you, that's going through a challenging time in her life.. and that's YOU!!!

Way to go, girl!!

Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
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"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown

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   Posted 3/4/2009 10:25 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm sorry I didn't respond sooner. I completely agree with you. It's so hard to keep things clean when your body is screaming in pain. I think that the other people who live in your house (except for Krissy-she's the Queen, LOL) should pitch in. And, the first person who complains about the house not being clean gets a smack upside the head and then you should shove a duster in their hands and say, "Go to it."

I am very lucky-even though it annoys me-to have my mom come over to my place and help me with the cleaning. I have tried very hard to keep the place presentable, but my mom helps with the hard stuff like cleaning the sinks, toilet, and vacuuming.

LOL-I'll ask her if she'd be willing to come and help you, Marlee. She is just like Martha freakin' Stewart! smhair
FINALLY dxd with fibro on 06/13/08
Neurontin, Ibuprofen for pain-which doesn't help
Zoloft & methadone (NOT for pain) for sanity-which doesn't help, BTW
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-Kelly Clarkson

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   Posted 3/4/2009 11:24 PM (GMT -7)   
You GO girl!!! And please...pretty please...teach me how to do this!! I'm so proud of you for getting 'over' the clean house issue. People are coming to see you and dad, etc...not your house. And like you said, it's time THEY start doing something for you! Their legs and backs are younger.

When someone asks you what you want for your birthday, Christmas or you just want to drop a "not so subtle" hint tell them you want one day of their life. The day isn't important but if they will all come over and help with those darn chores and fix-its that never get done that would be the best gift ever. We did that for mom several times when she was alone. She didn't ask but I organized it. Had supplies and plenty of food. We had a set of deck steps built, inside was totally cleaned and dusted including windows, deck was washed....things mom couldn't do at 80+. And one of her "kids" who couldn't physically do work was in charge of food. Was a perfect day!

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   Posted 3/5/2009 1:11 AM (GMT -7)   
Right on Marlee. I am making a copy of that sign.

Hi Chutz. Good to see you.


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Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 346
   Posted 3/5/2009 5:51 AM (GMT -7)   
yay Marlee! I have a magnet on my fridge that says " we can't both look good a the same time- its either me, or the house" if we just change it to "feel" good...we could have a fibro magnet business going here. hope your heads feeling better..

and i'm with you on the bills...my thing I did recently was to put the check in, but not sign it...oops...

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   Posted 3/5/2009 8:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm soooo happy so many of you agree with me!!! I do this to myself every time the kids are coming home and Ken always says, "they are our kids for heaven sakes". By the time the six younger grandkids has been in here for an hour you won't be able to tell if it was clean or not. Perfectionism is so hard to kill. skull I want to enjoy these events not dread them cause of the house. I will have 4 boys peeing in the bathrooms, for those of you that know about boys I don't need to explain that.
Patsie, you seem to know something about DILs. devil
I had a dear sweet aunt that died at 75 and this woman lived her life, she did not spend it cleaning house. Okay, I don't think I will ever be able to live in the mess she did, their house was a little too lived in, but she was one of the happiest people I have known.
luv and hugs
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
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   Posted 3/5/2009 8:50 AM (GMT -7)   
the sign is a good idea. i am sure your family will enjoy seeing you and wont even notice if your house is not perfect. it is hard trying to decide what is more omportant a clean house or to enjoy a little bit of life or it seems like it some times. i am a clean freak and i hate the fact that i have to let my house go some days.
but you go girl and enjoy your family
I smile through fibro

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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 3/5/2009 9:16 AM (GMT -7)   

Marlee- I don't think you can ever take that out of us as far as wanting a clean home. I like a clean home, I take pride in keeping a clean home and the way it sounds you did too for many, many years but things have changed for us now. I just can't do it either anymore. And we have to start taking pride in other things.

It's easy for me to see what you can take pride in; you are wonderful moderator on this site, a wonderful grandmother, mother, wife and person!! So the house is not going to be perfect and nail that sign on the front door!!

Can I relate with the bathroom and boys! I still have my 17 yr. old at home and that bathroom of mine could be cleaned twice a day!


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