Do others not understand this? Am I insensitive??

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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 3/21/2009 11:42 PM (GMT -7)   
I am in horrible pain.  Knew I shouldn't do it - worked in the yard last night and could hardly sleep because of the pain, but I did it again today.  I tried to pace myself.  As long as I kept moving, I was ok, but as soon as I stopped, everything froze up and hurt like heck.  It is warm here and I wanted to be out digging in the dirt.  Shouldn't have done so much - although, I didn't do all that I wanted to do.
Poor hubby is sick with a cold or allergy attack.  I feel for him.  Allergies and colds are awful.  He was smart and rested while I fixed dinner and picked up the house. But, I don't get is his apparent self-centeredness.  Constant complaining: I'm sick, I don't feel good, I wish I could take off my head, I wish I could breathe, moans and sighs.  When I struggled to stand up he laughed and I good naturedly said, "glad I could entertain you." and he said that his knee hurt and elbow hurt and back hurt and he was hobbling about just like me.  He wasn't hobbling.  Mind you, I did not complain except once when he said I should take care of him and I told him, "what do you think I am doing?  I feel terrible and am making dinner while you sit and complain!"  I asked him to get in the hot tub.  He says he is not sore enough for the hot tub.  (and I think, but you were just saying how sore you are!)  I am getting in the hot tub hoping that maybe, just maybe, the pain will abate a little bit. 
I just don't get it.  I really feel for him for the allergies or cold.  Being sick is no fun.  But the theatrics and complaining are way overboard.  I am cranky and sore and probably just insensitive.
anyone else get this way?

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 3/22/2009 12:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Our family has turned the theatrics into a game. The boys (men) and I will make plays for sympathy. We do know when the ill one is sick but boy do we rub it n after they get well. The laughingly tell me that I whine, whine, whine as they cook and clean for me. We take turns seeing who could groan the loudest.

Of course, my daughter does not whine, she fusses. lol (Please do not tell her I said that.)

Try hitting hubby with laughs. Let him know how funny he sounded and you whine also. Moreover, you should definitely reduce your work load. You need to care for yourself no matter how the house and garden look.

Enjoy the hot tub. I am jealous.


Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 1081
   Posted 3/22/2009 4:23 AM (GMT -7)   
Excuse me for being insensitive, but men don't get pain. The least little bit of pain you'd think the world was ending. Except of course for our male Fibromites, who do get it. This oughta liven em up, hey?

Hypothyroidism, Fibromyalgia, Facet Joint Syndrome, High Blood Pressure, menopause, Migraines, Chest Pain, Anxiety and Depression/BiPolar II
Synthyroid .075mg., estradiol.5 mgs., Amyltriptilene, 100mgs, bedtime, Tylenol 3 PRN (six-eight, daily), Valium 7.5mgs. daily prn. Flexeril, prn (not so helpful), Zoloft,150mgs., Zomig approx. 12 per month, prn., Meds for High Blood Pressure, vary.

New Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 5
   Posted 3/22/2009 4:36 AM (GMT -7)   
men are insensitive about pain sometimes and want to fix it.

Fibromyalgia, anxiety/depression, hypothyroid, chronic fatigue syndrome, Bilateral carpal tunnel, Bilateral shoulder adhesive capsulitis and torn rotator, ibs, reflux

Meds: Lyrica, Cymbalta, Tramadol, Zanaflex, Relpax, Klonopin, Synthroid, Nexium

Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 478
   Posted 3/22/2009 4:58 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sue,

Your post was written for me. My husband goes on and on when he has a muscle strain, Oh my back is killing me. I rarely tell him how bad I am b/c if he can't fix something then forget it. Oh do I get your point. I suppress the "voice" in me that wants to say "buck up baby".

I know my husband is deeply concerned about me but he just for whatever reason cannot go there. It is an out of sight out of mind thing with him. I look very good, hahaha, and to him that just cannot be a hurting person. Man oh man girl like I say "it is what it is"!!!!!

Hang in there, how was the tub!!!! Patsie

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 3/22/2009 6:52 AM (GMT -7)   

It sounds to me like your husband has a man cold. Watch this video and you will understand:

(Sorry-I couldn't resist. This video is hilarious!)
love and hugs

fibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxiety

We either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos Castaneda

I wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William Shakespeare

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 3/22/2009 7:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Are you not familiar with the male human species Sue???
about 15 yrs ago I had to have a foot of my colon removed, this was before fibro, and it took a long time to recover from the surgery. My dear sweet hubby kept saying, "I don't know how you could still be hurting, when I had my surgery (vesectomy) I went back to work the next day". Well a few years later he had to have double hernia surgery. First off he wouldn't let them put him out so he had an epidural. The plan was that as soon as he could drink and urinate he could go home. So Mr. Macho starts downing Sprite so he could urinate and go home. Than the epidural starts wearing off and I stood there and watched his face just drop as the pain set in and then the Sprite starts making him sick to his stomach. They put a pain pump on Mr. Macho and he stayed the night in the hos. As I drove home by myself that night I couldn't help but get a little pleasure out of his actions. I gave birth four times without an epidural and have had many surgeries. The next day I took him home and he was on pain meds for a month and swore they had to have done something wrong or he wouldn't have so much pain.
Believe me when I had to have surgery for GERD after his hernia surgery he was much more understanding. Now with all he gone through this winter with his heart and lack of energy I think he understands my fatigue better.
I don't think it is just men, people can't understand something they have never felt.
luv and hugs
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Regular Member

Date Joined Feb 2008
Total Posts : 378
   Posted 3/22/2009 7:27 AM (GMT -7)   
My husband started to CRY after his colonoscopy, which came out perfectly normal. The nurse brought me back to the room, and told me he wanted me to hold his hand. I could of crawled under his gurney. YIKES, and when I had my ovaries removed, he wanted me to come home the same day, because HE wanted to go to work. MEN are sometimes
complete animals, atleast mine is. So when he gets a sore back or a cold, I take care of him but have little sympathy. Because he doesnt believe Fibro exists. YEAH, right!!!

anxiety/panic attacks...osteoporosis....Fibro

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 846
   Posted 3/22/2009 9:49 AM (GMT -7)   
Man cold -hahahah! Everyone should watch this.

Fibromyalgia, arthritis in spine and hips, IBS, Raynaud's syndrome, hypertension
On the eighth day God created Golden Retrievers.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 3/22/2009 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   

Oh Boy!!! This is a good one!!!  It's just plain MEN!!!

My husband had 2 different colds within one month.  He was on death's door.. or so he thought.  I laughed to myself when he groaned.  Not that I wanted the dear man to be miserable, BUUUUUUTTTTTT..... C'mon!!! Give me a break here.. Reallllllllllllllly?! 

Men just don't get pain. - I agree w/tyno, not our fibromite brother - but guys that have never dealt with Chronic Pain.  Geez, I mean a guy has never squeezed out a baby, had menstral cramps, had a hysterectomy, nothin' like that.  Give a man one day with a period and he would die a thousand deaths!!!!!

I saw a great t-shirt the other day that said "Fibromyalgia isn't for Sissies!!" - I think that's why MOST men don't get it. (and if you are one of our Fibro brothers, YOU ARE NOT A SISSY").  Most men couldn't handle it!! 

My husband had some ingrown toenail problems not too long ago and he was on the verge of death.. I thought, try having the feeling of that ingrown toenail all over your body accompanied by an anxeity attack and a migraine headache and that's a good day for a fibromite!!!!

OOooOO, I think I'd better go calm down, I'm gonna bite my hubby's head off for stuff that happened over a week ago!! LOL!!!!

So NO, Dear Sue.. you're not complaining.. you're just dealing with a man!!! 

Now, GET IN THAT HOT TUB, yeah (man do I wish I had one of them!!)

Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 3/22/2009 9:58 AM (GMT -7)   

Omygosh!!!  That video is hilarious!  Poor little bunny.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 1014
   Posted 3/22/2009 10:12 AM (GMT -7)   

ROTFLMBO..................... OMG Danielle.. that man cold thingo was tooooo funny!!! Everyone I know will get that one!!!


Fibormyalgia, 4x Lyme Disease Survivor, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, Dyslexia, 2 Lumbar Disk Herniations, Allergies, Bi-lateral Carpal Tunnel, Psoriasis. 
Meds = Elavil, Tramadol, Xanax, Lipitor
"Shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars" - author unknown

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 3/22/2009 11:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh my gosh.  Poor little bunny... that's one of the funniest things I've ever heard!!!  I'll have to remember that one.
I've got this theory that the worst thing that's ever happened to someone is the worst thing that's ever happened to him/her.  For example, if the worst thing that has ever happened to you is a cold, then you will think you are dying and want tons of attention and sympathy.  For people who have experienced much worse health problems, a cold is an inconvenience, but you've experienced much worse, so you aren't such a baby about it.
A relative of mine hurt her foot last year (just a mild sprain, nothing life threatening), and it still bothers her some. She has been completely healthy up until this point, and every time I see her, I get at least a 30 minute update on her foot, her level of pain, what the physical therapist said, etc.  Now I'm not completely unsympathetic, but come on.  She's talking to a person who has fibro, endometriosis, 2 back surgeries, sacroiliitis, and 30+ kidney stones.  A sore foot just doesn't impress me much.
I certainly don't wish pain/sickness on anyone, but I have a hard time mustering a lot of sympathy for an ingrown toenail or a runny nose, lol.  devil
Hugs - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen
Fibromyalgia, 2 back surgeries, Meniere's Disease, 30+ kidney stones, GERD, IBS, Asthma, Allergies, Endometriosis, Heart Arrythmia, Myofascial Pain, TMJ.

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