It hasn't been easy. I am slightly OCD, so things tend to bother me when they aren't the way that I want them to be. It has been even harder since the fibro flared up. My husband is helpful with our son, but I am the main one who does the housework. He only does things after days, sometimes a week, of letting them go. It drives me crazy. If the dishes were done everyday, then there wouldn't be so many.
Sometimes, I feel really frustrated because I feel like there is more my husband could be doing, and he doesn't. But I try not to let it get to me. I understand that he has pain as well.
I am trying to do the best that I can, but in my mind, there is more I could be doing. I feel like I never do enough. It drives my husband crazy because he knows that it wears me out.
He is home almost all the time because he can't find a job right now. The economy where we live is especially brutal. Our city is one of the highest in the nation for unemployment.
The pain is bad, but I still try to push myself to get things done. I have a very low self-esteem, and I feel like if I get things done, then I am a better person. I feel like a failure when all I do is lie around and do nothing. I feel like I always need to be doing something, no matter how horrible I feel. I just hate having this illness. It is so hard to learn how to cope with this. I have been officially diagnosed for almost a year now, and I still don't know how to cope with living with this illness. I used to have so much energy, and I used to be able to do so much without having to deal with pain. And now things are different. I am somewhat of a perfectionist sometimes, and that makes it all really hard on me.
~MDD, Fibromyalgia, OCD, Anxiety Disorders, IBS, TMJ, Arthritis~
May your heart be filled with love and joy.
May your mind be clear and true.
May your smiles be many,
And may your tears be few.
May God wrap you in His arms
Especially when you're feeling blue.