This topic really hits home for me cause we're also struggling with all the uncertainties.
But a few comments. As far as the counseling goes - maybe the way to look at it is that you can't afford not to do it. Maybe it has to be a priority and bump some other things. Are depression and anxiety under control? As we deal with depression we tend to isolate less and become more intimate. Also, there are a couple of meds that may be able to help with your energy level (Provigil, adderall).
At some point there's a "hard times call for hard measures" thing we have to do. There's only so much money to go around. If there's no way to increase income, then expenses have to be cut. I know we don't want to make really basic changes to our lifestyle, but if it's hard times .. I know all the problems - maybe you like the house, location, school districts and all that - but something has to give. Only you guys - working together - can decide how to adjust to the new reality of your situation. A therapist would be a big help in doing this - because you and your husband will be at different stages of acceptance of your condition.
I think at some point we have to turn all this into a positive statement - and look on it as a challenge to reinvent ourselves to best use the abilities we have now.
25 yrs. ago I spent a huge amount of time in NICUs, pediatric hospital wings, etc. I came away with a new perspective on life - and certain convictions. I've seen some hard things with those little kids ....
Life isn't "fair".
Life doesn't come with guarantees.
All we can ever do in life is recognize change, adapt, and go on.
And so that's our challenge - how do we adapt and go on? I can only speak from my personal experience - but a therapist is a big help in dealing with these things.
I so hear you about the 19 yr old - we have one too (my step daughter) - but it is my wife that's having the difficult time when she's home. It's probably time to have "the talk" with your son. With all that's going on - there's probably no way around it. He's going to have to function on a more adult level. Can he get some low cost housing for the summer where he goes to school - get a job to help meet expenses? I'm not sure where we headed with this either - but it's probably not going to work out to have her live at home anymore.
Anyways - you're not alone in the journey you're making. Before it's over I expect we're going to have to make some really difficult decisions about where we live and what I can do for work in the long term.
Sorry to run like this - but it's obviously done me a lot of good to "talk" about this stuff too.
Lyme, anxitey, depression, chronic C. Pnuemoniae
"... expect the unexpected ..." (O. Wilde)
"I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened." (Mark Twain)