So I've never talked about
this here (mainly because I didn't know how)..but over the past couple of years, I've noticed that from time to time my husband gets really short tempered with me. He's not mean or nasty, he just gets exasperated. You know-eye rolls, sighs, "WHAT!?" responses when I call for him. I've chalked it up to stress-we've had TONS of stress in our lives the past couple of years-and have tried to ignore it, but have had a hard time with it because when he gets like this, I know he's upset with me, but I don't know why. I've tried to talk to him about
it, and he's always just brushed it off and blamed it on the stress, so I always let it go.
It's bothered me, though, and I've worried-why is he mad at me? is he unhappy? does he not love me?? and I have to admit it's depressed me. We used to be so close, and over the past couple of years we've just gotten further apart and I haven't known what to do. Again, I've blamed it on our outside stress, but that hasn't made it any easier.
Well, yesterday he came home with the good news that he has been offered a paid internship for the summer. I was very happy for him-it's good pay, plus credit for college-but it does include a lot of long hours and a lot of night shifts (he would be managing a seasonal ice cream shop for a friend of his Economic Professor). I told him that it was awesome and I was happy and proud. Then I mentioned that I would have to talk to my dad and see if maybe he could change his summer plans (He spends his summers up north staying at a friend's cabin) so that he could be around to help me with the kids. Well, the next thing I know my husband is getting super pissy with me..stomping around the house, irritable with me every time I say anything. I don't know what it was, but I just couldn't take it this time. I started crying, which only made him more irritated with me, which made me only cry harder. When I asked him what was wrong, he said it was because he didn't want my father around all summer (he isn't exactly my father's #1 fan). I told him I understood that, but that I would really need some help and didn't have anyone else to turn to. (His parents are NO help whatsoever..)
So this went on throughout the evening until the kids went to bed. After they were out, we had a big blowout. I basically told him-look, you need to make peace with yourself and peace with your family (he has a lot of family issues, but that's another story) because I can't handle this cold indifferent treatment anymore.
Finally, after going rounds about
this, out of the blue he looked at me and sighed and said "I resent you for having Fibro". He then went on to explain that he resents the fact that my having fibro means we have to plan things out and he can't just do things like take an internship without worrying how it will affect me. He resents that he can't fix it. He resents that I am not the same person I was when we met. Basically, he just laid it all out on the table and said it's been eating away at him and it's been the main cause of his shortness with me.
I was stunned. And hurt. And I started crying and I didn't know what to say. I mean, I think I already knew this, deep down. But it's totally different to hear it out loud. We talked through it some more last night, but today I'm still feeling like someone pulled the rug out from under me. I mean-what do I do with this information? I know it's ultimately good that he was honest with me, but it still really hurts.
So...what do I do now? What do we do now?
I don't know..I know you guys can't fix this for me, but I just needed to talk about
it somewhere. I hope that's ok.
love and hugs
~daniellefibromyalgia, ibs, gerd, anxietyWe either make ourselves happy or miserable. The amount of work is the same.~Carlos CastanedaI wish you all the joy that you can wish.~William ShakespeareHousework, if you do it right, will kill you.~Erma Bombeck