My pain has been getting worse and worse almost daily lately. It's constant, and never changes whether I'm sitting, standing, lying down, walking. Nothing changes it. I have tried every OTC pain medication available, I've tried every herbal supplement I've heard is supposed to help, along with every vitamin. I use heat about a dozen times on any given day, stretch about 10 times, try to go walking for as long as I can, either use a handheld massager or get someone to give me a massage, go to the chiropractor... and nothing helps at all.
When I tell my rheumotologist that I'm in pain all she does is throw more pills at me or make me take a higher dosage. I always ask to get in and actually see her, but she never has any openings.
My family doctor prescribes me percocet, but it's never enough to last me a whole month, so I always run out and am not able to get any more, even though I take it as prescribed. As soon as I go about 24 hours without any the joints and muscles all throughout my body lock up so tightly I can hardly move. Last time this happened I ended up at the ER where I was treated like a drug addict. I just can't help it. I have tried everything else that I know to try, and it is the only thing that helps (a little).
The worst part is, I'm about to lose my job, because neither of my doctor's will sign a form confirming my condition-- even though they both agree that I have fibro! Plus, the form was due last week and with my grandfather's death I never got a chance to go back to the doctor and try to beg one last time. I'm as good as fired and if I miss one more day, my job is over. It's horrible because tonight I start third shift (midnight to eight am), and I always feel worst on that shift (I have to rotate every four weeks). I don't know how I can work when I can't even use my right arm.
I haven't been sleeping at all. It doesn't matter what I take, nothing helps. I wake up at least once an hour, covered in sweat, and constantly have horrible nightmares all night long. I'm so stressed out from losing my grandfather, dealing with my parents who are convinced I'm lying about my health, and from fear of losing my job, which will also mean losing a place to live and a car to drive. It's a viscious cycle I can't escape. I'm not going to feel better until I'm not stressed out, and I'm not going to stop feeling stressed out until I feel better.
I don't know where to turn or what to do. Everyone else I know who has chronic pain says just deal with it. I can't deal with this. I can't bear the thought that this is going to be my life every single day. I feel like the pain is making me lose my mind. I cry all the time, and my thoughts just keep becoming more and more jumbled and unclear. Where do I turn when none of my doctors will help me, none of my family will believe me, I've lost all of my friends, I'm in medical debt up to my eyeballs, going to lose my job, and can barely, barely even function? I just don't understand how to deal with this or where I should turn.
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety
Lyrica 50 mg BID, Diflusinal 500 mg BID, Nortryptiline 50 mg at bedtime, Celexa 20 mg, Flexeril 10 mg PRN, Percocet 5-325 Q4hPRN
"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." -Robert Frost
Be not afraid of going slowly, be afraid only of standing still.
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