I SO understand what you are feeling right now. The last several months, maybe even a year, before we put Cass down, I was taking her to the vet what felt like constantly and probably averaged two to three times a month. Any time something "happened", loss of urine, loss of fecal, I was running to the doctor for reassurance and every time I was told "you will know"...it made me crazy. I just didn't have the confidence in myself to make the right decision at the right time. I was so fearful of taking any quality of life away from her. The vet told me, over and over and over again, to think of 3 things that she enjoyed, that made up her quality of life. When those 3 things were gone, when she no longer enjoyed them, then it would be time. For Cass, it was eating, taking her walks and just being close to me. Besides her physical limitations, she had cognitive problems, so that made things more difficult too.
I don't know if this has helped you or not. I really want you to know that I completely understand what you are feeling now, what you are going through and I know it isn't easy.
Big, warm huggies for you
Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.