Selfish husband - I am ALONE in this

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Regular Member

Date Joined Dec 2008
Total Posts : 51
   Posted 6/2/2009 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
I knew my husband was pretty much all about himself.  I just wanted some support, caring, understanding or maybe, god forbid, to feel loved.  Any one of the prior mentioned would have helped.  He can provide none of them.  He is apparently mad because it isn't about him. I was just diagnosed a couple of months ago but have been trying to figure out the pain and fatigue for a couple of years.  He knows I have fibro and it causes pain and fatigue.  That's all he wants or needs to know I guess.  Jerk.  I am having a heck of a time at work because of the fibro fog.  I made a mistake last week - nothing major really but my supervisor totally blew it out of proportion and had me crying from the first twenty minutes I walked in the door until about an hour after lunch.  Needless to say my weekend was shot with aches and pains from the stress.  Work is putting a ton of stress on me - they are also mad about missed work for doctor appointments - I think they are now going to pick on EVERY LITTLE THING that I do to try to get me to quit.  I go to the pain clinic tomorrow - I may see about taking short term disability - I am eligible for 56 weeks thru work - I need a break from everything.  Hopefully they can put me on medication that will help with aches, stress and maybe when I start feeling slightly better I can start slowly exercising.  I know that is supposed to help.  Oh, husband is also mad because I might take some time off work.  I still will get 70% of my pay so it's not about the money - once again - it's about him.  Sorry there is so much info jammed into this but I am at work and I need to vent.  I FEEL LIKE I AM LOSING IT TODAY! My chest is starting to hurt again also - that went away for a month or so - must be stress that is making this worse again.  Shocking!!! wink

Veteran Member

Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 6/2/2009 10:05 AM (GMT -7)   

Hi sorry about your predicament.  I can just tell you from my own experience that some family members, friends and spouses make our disorder all about them.  They get upset when I have to decline events or invitations because of the pain or my inner ear disorder.  I will ruin the evening because 'I was the eighth  person they needed to play bridge", or reservations for dinner had to be changed because now I can't go...OH what a chore that is to call a restaurant and make it for four instead of six!  I know it disrupts the lives of others, but do they really think it is because we are selfish and just LOVE to ruin their plans?  I am very fortunate that my husband understands the pain but I will say he sometimes get very exasberated about The Fog...I washed a pair of his Levi's this morning with his 'little knife' and car keys with that fob thing on it and I thought he was going to pop a goiter.  Did I know those keys cost $100 to replace...blah, blah blah.  Then he apologized because I have told him a million times to empty his pockets before he throws clothes in the hamper.

I wish I had a magical answer for you...maybe others here will.  I just live with it and if my so called friends don't 'get it' then to hell with them!  As har as the husband goes, I would suggest he take a good look at this forum and other information sites so he knows what you are going through.



fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 6/2/2009 2:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I am really sorry you are going through this alone. Is there a local support group offerd by the pain clinic?

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 6/2/2009 4:52 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Austin,

Sorry you are having hard times with your hubby and work. I am having a rough day myself at work. I think that our employers and co-employees don't really grasp what is going on with us, unless they already know someone that has FM. I always get the...oh, my 'so -n- so' has arthritis and they do this and that. I am in sales/purchasing/admin. work and I forget stuff often. My supervisor looks at me funny sometimes, because I can forget I just asked him or gave him a message or something just a few minutes earlier. I know I must sound like a goof sometimes, but I do take time in private with individuals and tell them how I can be and how frustrated I am. Especially on the days I am not using my cane or I am grimicing or I am just completely quiet will they give me some respect (that I deserve).

I recently went on vacation and just prior to that I was out for a week and half because of my leg. Out of the blue my leg got real bad that I could not sit, stand with out extreme pain. My doc found nothing and figured a nerve was being pinched somewhere(go figure). Anyways, I feel guilty now wanting to leave early or take the a day off because I am feeling soo bad the last two days of work. Since I took all that time off, I have exhausted all my vaca/sick time. I am scared myself to take a disability leave. Maybe its because I am the "major" bread winner at home.

I wish you (and me) a better day tomorrow and all the ya-who's at work back off. :-) Tell your hubby to do the clothes pin test and just wait til he gets the flu and your not able to wait on him hand and foot cuz of your own aches and pains. Boy, I know my dh would die if I wasn't able to help him when he is real ill. He does so much for me, so I can't blow him off when he is ill.

Well, for what ever this is worth to ya, I hope you weren't to bored with my response.

Take Care hun,
Dx Fibro 1/2008, gastritis
300mg Gabapentin, 50mg Pristiq, Vitamin D3, Menopausal Support Multi-vitamin, Ultracet and/or Fentanyl patch as needed

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