My mother was hospitalized a few wks ago, due to chest pain, which was found to be caused by stress. After she was released, she told me she didn't tell the dr treating her about my medical problems, which as a nurse, I'd have thought she's know that not just her parent's health problems but her daughter's health problems would be important for her doctor to know. Right now, I am a bit upset with her over this, but not speaking to her because after she told me all of this, she also revealed that she didn't know she was pregnant until she was 4 months along, and during those first four months, she was into the drug scene, so much so that she was putting cocaine in Visine bottles, so that she would get a stronger high as that it would go straight to the brain. The fact that she hid this from me for 27 yrs, even after my health started deteriorating is very hurtful, not to mention the fact that it could be the reason why I have so many medical conditions, even after she says she thinks I'd had fibro since I was a small child, complaining of pain and tiredness at even 4 years old. Though now I think the reason she's given me a house and a vehicle are because of guilt from the drugs she did when pregnant with me. I must say though, after she found out she was pregnant, she stopped the drugs, put herself through college and worked full-time as a nurse to support us, even going back to the wife beating pedophile who was my sperm donor, so that I could have a father. When she told me about the drugs, I was upset, going so far as to throw that... 'thing' (referring to my father) in her face, asking her to do me no more favors, the next one may very well kill me.
Now, I'm just trying to figure out how to move on, to repair this relationship with her, knowing that she has done what she could, when she could, but it still hurts so much, the mistakes she's made. I am trying very hard to forgive her, she didn't know she was pregnant, she stopped when she found out, but I wonder if it could be the cause of my heart problems, my female problems, my muscular and skeleletal problems and most definetely my mental problems.
Sry, guys, just needing to vent, I tried talking to my hubby about it, but as soon as he heard what she had done, he could not move past the 'how could she' to how it's affecting my life and our life today.
Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
My train of thought derailed long ago, now I take the bus, few more stops, but I eventually get there.
FM, costocontritis, wide spread arthritis, fibroid tumors, PTSD, 2 heart attacks at 22, PID
Flexeril 30mg, Celexa 50mg, Despiramine 50mg, Acetometaphen 500mg, Calming Sleep herbal suppliment, ActivOn topical pain relief, Melatonin 300mg, B-complex, Diclofenac 75mg, tramadol 50mg