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Bella Scarlett
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 6/22/2009 6:56 AM (GMT -7)   
As well as very anxious. Four years ago, hubby and I moved to this town for his job. I worked for a non-profit for the first three of those years, but they were downsizing and I decided to go elsewhere last November before I was eliminated, as it really looked like that was going to happen. Since then, I've had three jobs. I've left each one because various fibro issues have made these particular jobs too stressful and have made me literally sick. Today is my first day in a very long time that I don't have a job. And at 55, I don't know if I will find another one. I have good office skills, but just cannot tolerate full time hours or a host of other office issues that cause physical stress. And I'm very sad. I feel utterly useless right now. My hubby is understanding and supportive, but I do feel like others don't understand. I can't just "tough it out" anymore. I did that years ago, going through a divorce and really having no choice about working. I did what I needed to to raise my kids, despite the pain.

If I lived back in my hometown, I would be able to help my daughter with her children, but we cannot go back until hubby retires in about ten years.

So, I'm sad, feeling very alone and wishing something would change. Does anyone have any cheese to go with this whine? smilewinkgrin

lost in philly
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 6/22/2009 7:14 AM (GMT -7)   
Oh Bella! Do I know how you feel! I moved to the east coast from the west coast 5 years ago, got sick and cant work and now I really feel how far away I am from my family! But its not like I can just up and sell the house and move back--not now. I even think that the stress of moving brought out the illness when otherwise it might of staid hibernating or something.
I too think of how I could be helping my sister if I was back home. I think it just speaks to our need to be productive and helpful, you know? I have NEVER been a lazy person and I hate feeling like there is nothing for me to do!
Maybe making a plan for when your hubby retires and the years leading up to it what you will do will make you feel a little better. Could you also have the grandkids come out to you for a month or two of the summer now that school is out? Or can you plan a visit there?
I feel your pain, nothing can replace a loved one--especially when we dont feel well, we recognize their value all the more!
lost in philly

Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Migraines, Asthma, Chronic Fatigue

Savella, Topamax, Morphine, Percocet, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Crestor, Resoril, Loestrin, Imitrex

B12, Magnesium, Melatonin, Omega3

"Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing."

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 6/22/2009 7:16 AM (GMT -7)   
How about volunteering at a hospital or nursing home to feel useful??? If you like animals most shelters can always use help, may not be too pleasant. I haven't had a full time job in a long time, I use to help hubby out with business but don't do much of that anymore. But I never run out of things to do, can't keep up with what needs to be done.
luv and hugs
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 110
   Posted 6/22/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
I hate to see people sad. Perhaps you have a flower garden that you could just look at all flowers and be awed by their beauty. Or listen to some upbeat music. However, there are times when we just need to feel sad to get rid of the feeling.

I don't know if it works for you, but know I am with you
anxiety, avascular necrosis, costochondritis, depression, cfs, hypothyroidism, fibro, gerd, thyroid, uc 
in trying times, don't quit trying          

Bella Scarlett
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 6/22/2009 9:04 AM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, folks.

lost in philly, obviously you know, too, what it's like to move far from family and friends. I feel like we had little choice, since hubby's job is very specialized; we had to go where the job was. My grandbabies are too little to stay so far from home. I'm in midstate PA. One is in CA and one is in western PA. Both are only about a year old and DD1 is pregnant with her second. It will be a while before they will be able to come and stay alone. I do visit there, but it's extremely close quarters. They are going to be building a house, so maybe in a year or so it will be easier (her hubby is building it himself in his spare time - hah!) I will be traveling to CA to visit DD2 in July, so that should be good.

Marlee2 - I am volunteering at several places. I have to get trained first for some of them. Also, I'm meeting tomorrow with an adoption counselor for retired greyhounds. I am hoping to foster one if my dog will "let" me - she can be very aggressive with other dogs. That should keep me busy. They come from the racetrack, having never been in homes before, and need to learn everything about living in a home.

I'm applying for a part time position as a church secretary. I've done that several times, so I really should be a viable candidate. Maybe that will work out. It's only 16 hours, which is perfect for me.

noklu - I do live in a gorgeous area - a valley between two mountains. And I enjoy it tremendously. I am just used to feeling "needed", a cog in the wheel of society; I want to feel that way again.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 6/22/2009 12:39 PM (GMT -7)   

Bella, I hear you.  I have not moved to a new place, but about 7 years ago I lost my job due to a corporate buyout.  We knew something was up, but were not sure.  We literally had no notice.  The pr person came in and said, "we are shutting you down."  we signed severance packages, packed up our belongings and left in less than an hour. 

It felt awful to wake up the next morning and not have anywhere to go . . .

The only thing I know that helps is time.  Have you ever tried working at temp agencies?  You can work for a little while and turn down or take jobs as they come depending upon how you feel.   Your work with greyhounds sounds really interesting and fulfilling.   Have you read anything by Stanley Coren?  He is a famous dog researcher in Canada.  I saw him speak in Portland.  He showed a clip of a greyhound and a racecar.  They started on opposite sides of the race track so as not to run the dog over.  They raced and the dog actually accelerated faster and got to the other side before the race car.  It was amazing.  

Here is his site if you want to look at his dog stuff.  It is really interesting.  (I have no stake in this website - just think it is interesting.)   smilewinkgrin

Hope you feel better soon,


Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 24
   Posted 6/22/2009 5:16 PM (GMT -7)   
hello sad, never been on one of these sites so please be patient. im so sorry youre feeling sad......i can certainly relate. i have been diagnosed for a little over a year..but have probably had it for 2 to 3 yrs. i know that some days it seems impossible to pick yourself up.when i haave those days i try tothink about all the other people in the world who have enormous problems with their health. or kids, or a place to live, or food to eat...etc. sometimes i can get thru my sadness by just being grateful for what and who i do have in my life. this works sometimes.....other times i just cnt seem to get over my feeling of not being very "useful" to other words... i just might "wallow" a time, cry, and isolate myself. we all know we shouldnt do this but it does seem impossible at times. take solace to know that somewhere else in this world is and i DO know how you feel, and even tho i dont know you.... i care that you feel so sad and i will say a prayer for you. we need to help each other thru these times...and on another day we will find something to smile or laugh about. it will get better.
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