I hope everybody is coping well and having a good day.
I have only recently accepted my diagnosis of FM as i was in denial for the last few years. I rooted out a letter confirming the above 5 years ago but like most of you i know i've had it my entire life. I could never concentrate or stay awake in school and found it very difficult to fuction.
Anyway, the other thing i am just admitting is i also suffer anxiety and depression, I did not want to face it as my sister is bipolar and i didn't want to think i'd end up like her. That's not to offend anyone, it's just she's very bad and as she spent about 10 years undiagnosed there's a lot of history and reasons for my attitude towards it.
I now realise it's my attitude that has to change amd accepting and admitting that i'm anxious and depressed is not the end of the world, although even as i write i'm afraid of being judged by you.
I seem to be in a constant state of anxiety and fear, of nothing in particular. everytime the phone rings or if i don't hear from my husband for a few hours i think the worst. This is also due to an unpredictable upbringing. Some examples are, walking in from school and finding 2 of my 3 sisters after trying suicide or self harming(at different times), my dad barging in on christmas day and smashing the dinner table with a hatchet(he did a repeat performance for easter), accidents all the time with machinery and animals(i grew up on a farm) there's lots more but you get the idea.
I know i need help but i can't afford counselling on top of my physio needs, my husband doesn't really understand as he thinks my whole family are nuts, which makes me fear he thinks i'm also nuts.
I'm going to the doctor today week and have to build up the courage to tell him how i feel but i don't know where to start. I also can't stop eating and know that's just a bad habit also.
I'm finding it so hard to cope, i can handle the pain, but not my mental state. Even as i type my husband has dashed in in a whirlwind with another machinery crisis, (we're agri contractors). His brother is just re couperating after nearly loosing his hand in a harvester a few weeks ago. He expects me to help out when i can and today i spent all day on a tractor making hay, i was freaked out as there were people working in the next field and all i could think was that i was doing a terrible job and they were all laughing at me. Even though i know i did a really good job, even if i do say so myself .
I don't know what anwsers i'm looking for but maybe some of you could help.