Loved one with chronic pain... my heart is breaking

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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 87
   Posted 7/1/2009 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
I have an absolutely wonderful boyfriend.  A month ago I moved in with him.  He's always been understanding and supportive of my fibro.  But, the day after I moved in, his back started hurting him really, really badly.  Since then it's only gotten worse.  He can't sit, move around or anything.  He just lays on the floor all the time.  He can't go anywhere, can't ride in the car, can't help with the housework.  He finally found out that he has a bulging disk pressing against his sciatic nerve.  He's been given every pain medicine imaginable, and has had a cortisone shot in his back, which was supposed to help tremendously.  It's been a whole month and he's still had NO relief.  It's killing me to watch him struggle.  I can't even talk to him anymore, because he always snaps at me.  Then I'll start crying and he'll apologize.  The last time it was really bad, he told me that if I can't handle this I might as well leave him, because he doesn't know what's going to happen, and even if he does get better from this, he has MS and it will more than likely progress eventually.  I sobbed and sobbed.  I love him and there is no way I want to leave him under any circumstances.  But this is so frustrating.  I can't even be physically close to him, can't even give him a hug.  I can't have a real conversation with him, because he can't focus.  I can't do anything with him, except watch tv, and he's so sick of watching tv because it's been the only thing he can do for the last month.  I've been doing all the housework and cooking because he can't, in addition to working all the time, because he can't got to work.  I just miss the way things were.  I don't know how to deal with this.  It's breaking my heart watching day after day go by with him never feeling better and getting more and more frustrated and caring about himself less and less.  I desperately want to be able to help him but there's nothing I can do.  I cry for hours every day because I constantly feel like my heart is breaking.  Has anyone ever dealt with this?  What can I do to make it easier?
Fibromyalgia, Depression, Anxiety
Amytriptiline, Flexeril (PRN), Percocet (PRN), Ambien (PRN at bedtime), B12
Be not afraid of going s l o w l y, be afraid only of standing still.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Sep 2006
Total Posts : 1713
   Posted 7/1/2009 5:35 PM (GMT -7)   
I feel for you.  I really do.  I think the best advice I can give you is to make an appointment with a mental health counselor whom you can vent to.  It sounds like you are getting very depressed yourself and that's no good.  In order for you to be of any help to your boyfriend, you have to take good care of youself, you know? 
Just continue to be supportive and be there for him and do the best you can.  That's all anyone can really do.  And please come back here and vent with us and let us know how things progress.
God's blessings.
Co-Moderator Chronic Pain and Fibromyalgia Forums
Believe in yourself.  Be kind to fellow humans and animals.  Take time to smell the flowers and the coffee.
And by all means, when you are down, ask me for help.  I will be there.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 7/1/2009 9:31 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Lefty!

I agree with Lindalou totally. If you can get him to go to counseling with you that would be perfect but if he can't or isn't willing to go then you need to go for yourself. Don't give up your life if he isn't willing to try.

I do have one question only because I don't understand the timing on everything. When you moved in he was fine except for his MS diagnosis. And within one month he had tests/MRI/or whatever to diagnose his bulging disk. Then they tried more than one medication and nothing is helping. Do I have this correct? If so I concerned about the timing of all of this. It would take more than a month just to get the tests and diagnosis of a bulging disk unless it was an emergency case.

Then to try pain medications would take much longer..."He's been given every pain medicine imaginable, and has had a cortisone shot in his back, which was supposed to help tremendously. It's been a whole month and he's still had NO relief." Hun, it would be more than a month just to get the injection and see if it works. Then to actually try more than one pain medication at different doses would take many months. For some that would even take a year or more.

I don't mean to be doubting you personally but something doesn't make sense to me. Can you help fill me in some more, please? Have you gone to any of his appointments with him? I'm lost and hate to see you hurting so much. You are so sweet, Lefty. I'd like to help/support you any way I can and will be here for you anytime you need someone.

Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums ~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis, collapsed disk, and a few other side dishes.


If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns

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