Single head of household and behind in receiving child support...

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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 130
   Posted 7/13/2009 7:16 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi guys~  It's been a while.  I have been in sort of a funk since my rushed divorce and I was forced to increase my hours at work to full-time which lead me to being just wipped out in the eveing.  My poor girls put up with a sleeping mom all the time.  It's awful.  Also, about the time of my second divorce, the father of my children and first husband decieded he can't pay child support.  He is two months behind or four payments behind. 
I need advice to prepare for my future.  I have less then a few thousand in savings, I couldn't aford to keep the house I shared with my second husband and now my first husband is pulling this crap.  I'm afraid by the time I'm out of savings, I won't make it each month if he doesn't pay on time.  Has anyone faught a deadbeat dad successfully?
Also, my pain, exhaustion and memory issues have increased two fold since my return to full-time work and my question is... If I end up unable to handle the full-time work, can I fight for disability and still work?  How does one afford to be out of work the suggested two years before they are elligible for help or am I wrong about that?
I can live with the fact that I may be single all my life, but I can't live with the fact that I can't survive each month while both of my ex-husbands have boats, multiple homes, snowmobiles, RV's, horses, 4 wheelers, new clothes, women and lives and I end up sick broke and alone.  My children are mad at both of their so called Dad's and very angry at the situation.  I have secluded them as much as possible, but at 12 and 14, they don't understand why we can't afor anything extra and Dad takes trips and purchases things while we aren't making it.  I'd take on two jobs if I could, but my pain and pain killer have increased. I want to fight back, I just don't know how.
Anyone who has been through something like this and has helful advise... I'm all ears and very depressed.  I'm going to look into counceling to get help with my mental state.
Thank you so much for any help on the subject.
Fibromyalgia (DX'd Dec 07) ~ Generlized Anxiety ~ Migraines ~ IBS ~ Asthma ~ Allergies
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Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2006
Total Posts : 831
   Posted 7/13/2009 8:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Here's a great big hug. I know doesn't help.

I don't what to tell you because by the time my two children were 18 my ex owed me 17,000 and never had to pay it although now my children can go after him for the oney but that's not going to happen.

What state do you live in and is it court orderd?

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God gives doesn't give us more than we can handle. So this too shall pass.

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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 7/13/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi...dead beat dads go to jail in this state.  They even have their pictures hanging on bulletin boards in stores. I suggest you go to family court and report him for being in arears.  I know how you feel.  My ex was here for a week visiting my son for the 4th and we did a lot of things together and when I saw his new wife draped in gold and wearing a five carat diamond I about had a brain hemmorhage when I think about how I had to pester for support when he left us for his secretary.  We get along for the sake of our grown children but I still get enraged when he pulls into my driveway in his Corvette.  It bites!
Just go after him.  Legal aid will be able to help you.
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: Lexapro and valium

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Date Joined Apr 2004
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   Posted 7/13/2009 8:47 AM (GMT -7)   
Go after him in court......

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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 7/13/2009 9:57 AM (GMT -7)   
Have you contacted your local Friend of the Court (or whatever it is called in your state?) I know here in Michigan they help with child support issues like this and maybe they can get something done for you. That's how everything has been done with my daughter's father and I haven't had to deal with him at all. Of course, my ex is like..what..two years behind in payments, I think, but I also know he only has a high school diploma and has never had a very well paying job at all. Going after him myself would be like trying to get blood from a turnip. But in your situation, I think something has to be done! It is just NOT RIGHT that your ex is living comfy and well off while you and your kids are going without!
"The ideals which have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth"~Albert Einstein

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 7/13/2009 11:44 AM (GMT -7)   
Here the department is called Family Court Advocate Department, or something like that. In addition, you may qualify for free legal help. Do a search for your state's Family Court and you will be able to download the paperwork for Contempt of Court and the instructions for filling out the forms. You may be able to charge 12% for the back due child support.

In addition, contact your local crisis line for information on free legal advice and services.

Oh, a mom's you can file for back due child support. I know of one mom whose ex had to sell his home because he owed over $55,000.00. the money is yours and not your children's.

There are services where attorney's will spend 30 minutes advising you on the course of action that should be taken.

It will probably take months before you receive your money. However, you can choose to have it garnished from his paycheck instead of using the honor system.

Been there, done that.


Disclaimer; I am not an attorney and you should speak with your lawyer for legal advice.

Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 130
   Posted 7/13/2009 10:24 PM (GMT -7)   

Thank you all for your advice and words of wisdom.  I called him today to warn him or you might also call it threaten him.  I had to leave a message on his cell, but I told him that I may have to seek help in getting the money that is owed to me, because I can not survive without it.  I told him to call me and explain to me his plan so that I don't have to take action... in so many words.

When I think of how I suffer with my health and yet I continue to step up to the plate to provide for my girls and these guys are able to simply walk away.  I will take action and although I've warned him... I feel I have no other choice, but to nail him to the wall.  He and his wife own their own business and unfortunately that allows them to hide money and yet on the other hand... I'm ready to put him and his company book keeping to the test and let the chips fall.  He lied in the past and the results went in his favor, because he and his mother lied on stand.  It left me feeling really hopless in the court system. 

I have no choice but to step up to the plate once again for my girls and I.  If he's willing to be a jerk so can I.

Thank you so much,

Fibromyalgia (DX'd Dec 07) ~ Generlized Anxiety ~ Migraines ~ IBS ~ Asthma ~ Allergies
Cymbalta   Topamax   Claritin   Tylenol   Ibuprophen

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 7/13/2009 11:18 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Tricia!

You do not have to live this way as the others have said. First, you do not have to fight for the money...your state will do it for free. It's Support Enforcement or something similar in our state. They get the money from him and if he doesn't come through voluntarily they take it before he gets paid. His kids come first in the eyes of the state and they get serious. Even if you still talk to him or try to be nice 'for the kids' Please! let the state collect the money. I did and it turned my life from a living h**l to relaxed and happy again.

Then there are tons of resources out there for you and the kids. You need not do without. Plus there are services for displaced homemakers and single parents also. I'm going to give you some links below for your state. Plus, anyone who was awarded support for children has the right to have it reviewed every 2 years (in WA state) so the amount can be adjusted for inflation. This almost always ends in increased support. The local jurisdiction will pay for this if you don't have the money.

Please start by contacting the Support Enforcement people and they will show you the rest of the resources available to you. You more than deserve them!

Chutzie (choose enforcing support)
Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums ~~~
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Regular Member

Date Joined Nov 2007
Total Posts : 130
   Posted 7/14/2009 7:48 PM (GMT -7)   

Chutz~ I can't thank you enough for your help and links.  I'm anxious to get started, but I wanted to thank you first for taking the time to look up info in my state.  I really appreciate it.  ~Tricia

Fibromyalgia (DX'd Dec 07) ~ Generlized Anxiety ~ Migraines ~ IBS ~ Asthma ~ Allergies
Cymbalta   Topamax   Claritin   Tylenol   Ibuprophen

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 7/14/2009 10:00 PM (GMT -7)   
You need to be a pit bull. Take notes on every phone call including the name and direct number or extension of everyone you talk to. Ask how long they expect something to take and tell them you will call back then. This can take months off the process. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. Be polite and sweet but persistent. Most of these agencies are short staffed and overloaded.

My ex now lives in an RV he parks in different friends' backyards and he works mostly for cash and owes the IRS about $200,000. There is no way I'll ever get another dime from him. Fortunately we're doing ok.
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