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Regular Member

Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 31
   Posted 7/14/2009 12:03 AM (GMT -7)   
My Ex is at the hospital every evening, he is calling my Father for information and he is giving it freely.
My Mother has admitted that she loved my Ex more than me and that is why she stopped contact with the children and I when the Ex and I split up, she has told me that she wanted him all to herself and that she knew my Ex would do anything to get me back, so she told lies knowing that I would not want anypart of that and would stay away.
I am exhausted and emotionally drained, I am caught between a rock and a hard place, I want to retreive the relationship my Mother and I once had but I also want her to go because I know she will get another chest infection and have to go through all of this again, she is afraid of my Father and will not rest when she has to because he moans and makes her feel bad, he is of the opinion that all her troubles are smoking related, so she hides her illness well.
I also feel that we can never go back to where we where, my Father and Brothers are still sitting on the fence and I believe that you love your children and siblings unconditionally, you do not sit in judgement, you love, care and support always, they are not doing that and I feel that I won't be free until my Mother has gone because then they will melt away as she is the only link to me.
I feel evil and wicked but am trying so hard to put the past behind me, that is so very difficult when they are all still sitting in judgement and supporting my Ex, my mother has said she was wicked for putting my Ex before her Daughter and Grandchildren but she is hallucinating (spelling) for a lot of the time so I am even more confused.
I so want them all to see the truth and to know that I my children and I are loved but I know in my heart that is never going to happen and I would like to be able to walk away and let them get on with it but my consciounce won't allow me to do that, I feel I am trapped in a nightmare that I can't escape from.
Hugs Sharon. 

Veteran Member

Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 7/14/2009 12:24 AM (GMT -7)   
It is your life, you don't owe anyone anything. You will never be free, safe, or happy until you stop expecting anything from your family. Take control of your life. You owe it to your children.

Please get some counseling by someone who understands domestic violence so you can stop being a victim. You can escape from this nightmare if YOU choose to. It will be the most difficult thing you've ever done but it will be so worth it. You will break the cycle and give your children a better life. You are worth it and your children deserve it. Take baby steps but start right now.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 686
   Posted 7/14/2009 2:40 AM (GMT -7)   
I'm with Dagger! You can do this - one day at a time.
DX fibromyalgia 2007, osteoarthritis, obsessive-compulsive disorder OCD, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, hysterectomy.

fluoxetine (prozac), buspar, abilify, trazodone, lorazepam, prilosec, nabumetone, hydrocodone, c-pap machine.

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 25
   Posted 7/14/2009 6:07 AM (GMT -7)   
As the adult survivor of 2 narcissistic, emotionally and mentally abusive parents, I'm going to tell you that you should not feel guilty for wishing your mom would just go. That's normal. You need to keep yourself and you kids insulated from their abuse as much as you can and seek counseling!!! My counselor is wonderful and has made me realize I'm not the crazy one, but the SANE one.

Much love!!

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 222
   Posted 7/14/2009 8:02 AM (GMT -7)   


I just wanted to say  am like DMarie and was told the same by my counsellor. You can start living today, take tiny steps and it'll defintely hapen. you're kids will thank you in the future.

Take care and hugs.


BikeBoo, biking with my boo since 1999
Of all the things i've lost, i miss my mind the most! But it has its advantages!
Fibro, spinal arthritis and all that goes with it.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 289
   Posted 7/14/2009 3:04 PM (GMT -7)   

I have to agree with dagger... I am so sorry you are going thru this with your family and ex... Take baby steps and get the life you want ..

you or your children do not need to be in this environment.. if it is not a healthy one...

You need to look after yourself.. and Your children first and foremost...
Diagnosed - fibromyalgia 2001
Meds amitryptilene 30mg/day
Lyrica 75mg/day

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 7/14/2009 3:38 PM (GMT -7)   
I have a biological family that begs me constantly to come see them and introduce my children to them. When my brother died in late 1996, my reason for going anywhere near them died with him. You see, my biological family has always cared more about their alcohol and drugs more than my brother and me, resulting in my brother and I growing up in foster care. I still feel guilty that I have 10 & 12 year old children they've never met, but I will not allow their influence in my kids' lives. I share this so that you know you are not alone in feeling pulled between doing what is morally right and protecting yourself from emotional pain. My advice to you would be to do what is right for you and your chldren, not what is right for your mother or ex or anyone else. If you don't take care of yourself, you can't take care of your children. I will pray for you tonight. Good luck with this and remember, this too shall pass.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 7/14/2009 9:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I divorced my family years ago. It was the best thing for my children and I. Now that my parents are gone it is easier to speak with one of my brothers. HOwever, I protected my children from the abusers and neglecters in my family. My children love me for it.


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 7/14/2009 10:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Just adding another vote here. You like said above...you can have your new life right now, but you have to choose it. Just because they gave birth to you does not mean you owe them anything especially when they are so dysfunctional. Your children and you are #1 so make the right choice to keep them safe and happy. Do it now!

Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums ~~~
Fibromyalgia, Ulcerative Colitis, Insulin dependent diabetic, PTSD, dermatitis herpetiformus, osteoarthritis, collapsed disk, and a few other side dishes.


If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.
George Burns

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