hopeless & lonely

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lost in philly
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 7/19/2009 7:56 AM (GMT -7)   
Now that I quit my job I hardly see or speak to anybody and I am so lonely! My days are measured by waiting for the mail to arrive or a phone call, waiting for some good news from SSD or long term disability. I have had so much bad luck for the past 2 years, something good has to happen soon. Right? Good things do still happen to good people right?
I cry all the time and I am so tired of being sick and in pain! I know that I need to reach out to people or make new friends but I dont know what I have to offer someone right now. Normally I am a good friend. Fun, funny, goofy, good listener etc. But right now I feel like my illness is above all else and me as a person is a small second, you know? I dont want to live like this but I dont know how to change it. I feel like all my healthy friends wouldnt want to hear about my pain or my problems and what would that help to complain anyway, so I never tell them anything anyway.
I feel so isolated and alone and tired of living this way. I always thought that I would have a much better attitude about being sick...but I dont feel brave at all.
lost in philly

Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Migraines, Asthma, Chronic Fatigue

Savella, Topamax, Morphine, Percocet, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Crestor, Resoril, Loestrin, Imitrex

B12, Magnesium, Melatonin, Omega3

"Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing."

getting by
Forum Moderator

Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41909
   Posted 7/19/2009 8:53 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi there,

I started working at a store in town. So I know how nice it is to be able to see people. I see people that I haven't seen in years. But it can be overwhelming at times. But I stay busy and the time goes by faster.

I dont' think that your friends would be bummed if you talked about your illness once in a while. But I know how you feel, you don't want to burden them with that.

Try to find some hobbies that you can do to kill time. Or go out for a nice walk. I often see people when I walk and that is nice.

Fibromyalgia makes it hard to have a social life, so I know where you are coming from. Remember that you always have us.

Take care my friend, best wishes for a happy day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 7/19/2009 8:55 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry for your loneliness, and I understand how you feel about your disease. I also feel sometimes like my illness occupies all my thoughts. And when I talk it's all me me me and my illness. It seems a compulsive need to find a way around this..some cure to give me my life back the way it was. I keep reaching out to people hoping that someone will give me some clue to help me find how to help myself. Of course it isn't working very well. Luckily for me my sister in law lives with us and she has MS. Her symptoms are so much like mine that we can empathise and she is a very big help to me in so many ways. I just don't know how I could have coped had she not been here.

But also other friends who don't have my problem and similar problems...some with brain fog..nothing else but thery relate to that and we can share those thoughts.

Try your friends. Believe me if they were truly your friends they do NOT give up on you. They will be understanding.

You need an outlet. Everyone does sometimes. Perhaps you can find a support group in your area for Fibro. One that you can meet with people and be able to vent out loud with those who do understand. I find this site to be such a blessing for me!

Also I noticed you are taking both Savella and Wellbutrin. When my doctor first prescribed Savella for me and I noticed it was also a drug for depression I called his office and he took me off of Celexa. Sometimes our doctors are unaware of all the meds we are taking. I thought maybe my taking too many anti depressants might not be a good thing so called his office to make sure. You might do the same in case it's confilicting and making you more depressed. Just a suggestion.

Be well hon..

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 7/19/2009 10:03 AM (GMT -7)   
Lost, get your butt up and get out there. I spend a lot of time alone myself while my DH is out in the world talking to people everyday and having a life and it does get to me sometimes and I will have a little pity party. Call your friends and make lunch dates even if you have to have them over to your house cause you don't feel like going out. You will soon see who are true friends and who is not. Some days I will run to Walmart just to get out of the house, it's the only big store we have and I know all the employees I'm in there so often, found out yesterday one of my favorite greeters found out he has cancer in his hip. One of my neighbors is fighting cancer and she is in the hospital right now, her elderly husband is running himself ragged right now with the stress and stuff, I think I will fix a meal for him this week and I have told him if he needs anything please call. They don't have any family here to help them. Volunteer at a nursing home, there are people there without family and they love to talk to people. If you love animals volunteer at the animal shelter.
We really do still have a lot to offer to others and it makes us feel so much better to be helping someone in worse shape. I have been dealing with this long enough to know who to talk to when I need to be uplifted and who not to talk to when I'm feeling down.
I've always been a fun person and a social person and I still am just not to the extent I use to be. We use to have big cookouts and family reunions during the summer but now it is small gatherings of family and friends. Can't say I really miss all the work I use to put into things.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 261
   Posted 7/19/2009 10:54 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand your loneliness. I go through that a lot myself. I actually don't really have any friends at all, at least not ones that live near me. I have one best friend that lives out of state, and we only ever talk online. It's really hard not having any friends that you ever get to see in person.

Recently I did start attending a drum circle that meets once a month. It's very fun and everyone there is really nice. I did meet a few people there that I like a lot, and I'd like to consider them friends, but it's hard to become good friends with someone if you only see them once a month or less. So as much as I'd like to be friends with them, they might not ever become anything more than acquaintances. This one guy said I should attend other similar events, but unfortunately all of the other local events either cost too much, or are too far away and neither me nor my old rickety car can really handle long drives. So for now I'm stuck with just my once a month drum circle. Don't get me wrong, I really do enjoy playing music and socializing with people at these gatherings, but it just doesn't feel like enough, and I am still lonely much of the time. This probably sounds crazy, but sometimes I find myself wishing that I had an imaginary friend to keep me company.

I agree with what Jhemi said about trying to find a fibro support group. I'd attend one myself if there were any in my area, but so far I haven't been able to find any. If you can't find one of those then maybe try to find some other group you can attend. A drum circle like I do might not be for you, but there might be other groups that do activities that you would enjoy. Can't promise that you'll make new friends, but sometimes just being around people helps, at least for a little while.

Allergies, Asthma, Anxiety, Depression, IBS, PCOS, Fibromyalgia

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 7/19/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -7)   
Do a search for the Arthritis foundation to find exercise classes that are designed for people with arthritis, fibromyalgia and other painful illnesses. My reintroduction to socializing began when I started taking Arthritis Foundation Aquatic Exercise classes. It was there that I met people who hurt just as much as I did an more.

I like being alone so I had to force myself back out. My work as a public speaker was enough socialization for me but most of that ended with the pain.

Start small and before you know it, you will have new friends who understand what your life is like.


Regular Member

Date Joined Jun 2009
Total Posts : 439
   Posted 7/19/2009 11:24 AM (GMT -7)   
Maybe you could volunteer at a local library or teen center ... that way no one can require you to do anything.
At the very least, what if you took a nice slow walk around the neighborood? You could go only as far as you wanted but you might meet some neat people closeby thataway.

lost in philly
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 7/19/2009 2:24 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks everybody for your support. Im sorry I am such a whiner today. It is just hard to adjust. Adjust from being surrounded by people to being isolated. Adjust from having big dreams thinking you are going to make a big impact on the world to having no career and your big outing of the day is can I make it around the block?
I know I would be a happier person if I can accept my new reality. It's so hard. Im not nearly half as dignified or graceful as it seems everyone else on this site seems to be about accepting their Dx. And I always wanted to be like those really wise kids Oprah has on her show when they have to face impossibly hard things...they just look into the camera and say the wisest, braves things! lol Not me! I have a pity party all day! : (
lost in philly

Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Migraines, Asthma, Chronic Fatigue

Savella, Topamax, Morphine, Percocet, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Crestor, Resoril, Loestrin, Imitrex

B12, Magnesium, Melatonin, Omega3

"Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing."

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