ARIES: You are a kind and gentle person and everyone loves your goulash. People think nothing of 'popping in' unannounced for a quick bite to eat and you accomodate them with grace and elegance. You will only encounter three shin busters today...the coffee table, open dishwasher and a hassock the hubby used to oil his chainsaw on. Look down...there is a twenty dollar bill stuck in a wad of gum on your carpet.
TAURUS: You tend to be a worrier and random thoughts consume you while you are trying to fall asleep. As you lay there, you wonder if you left the refrigerator door open and if you could have put your missing purse on the roof of your car after shopping earlier in the day, and it flew off into the parking lot. Not to worry. If you look in your husbands wallet, you will find five hundred dollars. He wants you to have it.
GEMINI: You are a very giving person and people will take advantage of you. Your friend will leave you sitting on a bench in the mall with their pee pants toddler while they shop. You will graciously walk the neighbors Great Dane while they are vacationing in the Swiss Alps. But today it's your turn. A man dressed like Sherlock Holmes will knock on your door and hand you a quarter he found at the end of your driveway. Can it get any better than that?
CANCER: You are extemely gullible and people are always telling you things that aren't true because they love the look of 'shock and awe' you display with such innocence. But today is going to be good for you. When your best friend tells you with her rolling eyes that 'she feels your pain' you are going to put Preperation H in her tooth paste tube. And...if you look in your e-mail, you will discover you have won the Nigerian Lottery! Can you believe such luck??
LEO: You are a great lover and a wonderful friend. You will happily gimp through Walmart with your sister looking for vacuum cleaner bags. When you tell your husband..."Get away from me, my hair hurts" he knows because of your good nature you really must be in pain. Well...this is your lucky day. By dinner time your hair will not hurt. There will be a tennis bracelet in it for you.
LIBRA: You speak your mind and people respect you for it. Today, when you are walking through Walmart, a young boy in a kiddie cart will scrape the skin off your ankles. You will clobber the boy over the head with a cucumber and the entire stored who has been maimed by this kid will give you a round of applause and throw you all their loose change. Oh...you will find your mascara in the pantry next to a can of pineapple.
SCORPIO: You are an old hippie at heart and have been in pain since a naked stranger threw you on the stage at Woodstock. You grow your own food and make your own clothes. For your constant pain, you have your own personal combo of herbs and spices mixed with a tablespoon of Vodka. It's the nutmeg that really does the trick. Because you are a free spirit people may laugh at you. Well...you can laugh back as you are the love child of one of the Doobie brothers. Yes you are. Think about the inheritence...just get a DNA test done first.
SAGITTARIUS: You love nature and spend hours gimping around in the woods. You can also multi-task and can talk on your cell phone, comb your hair, put on lipstick and eat a Whopper all while driving your car. Today you will find yourself in Montana after doing all of these things at once. Not to worry. Harrison Ford will find you crying by the side of the road and take you out for a lobster dinner. Then he will fly you home first class. If you believe that, you have taken your Lyrica twice. Count your pills.
CAPRICORN: You are extemely psychic and can connect to the five dimensions of inner space. Because you are in the deep black hole of the cosmos most of the time, your pain is the least of your problems. That is not Elvis in your spare bedroom and no one cares about your new book "The Big Foot Trilogy." Your left shoe is in the glove compartment of your car. There is a set of keys in your underwear drawer from an old Buick you traded in ten years ago. Of course, no one needed to tell you that. Oh, and if you root around really deep, you will find about seven dollars under your couch cushions. What a lucky day for you!
AQUARIUS: But of course...you love the water! But you are sick of the same ole same ole hot bath every night. Boring. today, if you go to your local spa store you will see a pile of entry forms for a new $10,000 hot tub, complete with chemicals for life! Fill out about twenty of them. Don't worry, you will NOT get phone calls for the rest of your life from salesman trying to sell you gazebos', marble flooring or siding for your house. You will win the hot tub. It's in the stars.
PISCES: Your hips ache and you were up until four this morning wondering if you took one more Advil if you would hemmorhage to death. So, you spend the morning writing horoscopes for fibromites. 'They Shoot Horses, Don't they?" NayYYYY Nay! Maybe if I go through all my coat pockets I'll find a nickel!
fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ Meds: Lexapro and valium
Post Edited (vestabula) : 8/12/2009 11:47:58 AM (GMT-6)