will I never learn ?

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 8/13/2009 7:16 AM (GMT -7)   
will I never learn ? shakehead
You know how our limits change all the time. and trying to keep up with them , all I can say is how... ?????
you would think I would think I would learn... BUt NOOOOOOO not me. to darn bull headed I guess.
I have spent the better part of this week in tears. day and night . when ever no body is around.  
What happened you say ... Well A big Dua ,, how many times must i hurt myself helping with my parents yard.. i know I can't even push the lawn mower anymore . so i just use clippers around a few new plants and clean the paito... well there is this small area with Iris and the Grass was growing amoung them . so i thought insead of clipping the grass I'll pulll it.. well i got about ahlf way and relaized I was in troubel.. But do I stop.. ???? H$%# no... I finish it thinking almost done .. hOw stupid can you be... so to top that off .. we get home and I thnk I really don;t hurt that bad.. I'll give the Dog a bath.. Wow... another how stupid can you be... I had just started washing him with soap and reliazed yes once again I'm in trouble.. but I had to rinse him Rigth.. it had been months since his last bath. Poor Chato . ( my Pug )
well you can guess it.. I hurt my back , and have been in sooo much pain .. I keep asking God . How am I supose to do this ? how. I had to call out of work yesterday ... And for Pets sake i work from home, taking calls and on my computer how much easer can a job be. .. but NOOOO.
So I sit here today fighting the tears, I have to sound happy when customers call.. How ?
So really I'm just venting and ranting right now. I know there is nothing anybody can do .
I'm a stong person . but God I feel so week anymore.
What Im I supose to learn from this.. You know how we are here to learn from our lives. is this supose to bring me closer to jesus ? is that it ? am I to learn suffering ?
How do you all think of this DD .
anyway .. thanks everybody for listing to me.
Be Blessed my Fibro Friends.
Spirit ~ confused

lost in philly
Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 243
   Posted 8/13/2009 7:42 AM (GMT -7)   
I understand the feeling of being tested. Sometimes I have a big ol pity party and I cry and think my life is not that far from Job's...I've lost everything and I'm just waiting to get it all back.
There is alot of "live and learn" to this dd and I think you answered some of your questions already. You knew that you were doing too much but you went on. Next time your job is to stop. Now as you lay in pain, your job is to reflect and ask yourself why you didnt stop. Are you ashamed of your limits? In denial? Do you not feel supported by your family? Are you worried that you complain too much? Whatever it is, you need to address it otherwise you will keep hurting yourself because right now whatever that reason is...it has become more important than you and your health and your pain and thats not ok.
So take something, get a heating pad and reflect and then apologize to yourself and promise you wont do it again! :-)

Take care,
lost in philly

Fibromyalgia, Endometriosis, Migraines, Asthma, Chronic Fatigue

Savella, Topamax, Morphine, Percocet, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Crestor, Resoril, Loestrin, Imitrex

B12, Magnesium, Melatonin, Omega3

"Knowing without doing is like plowing without sowing."

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17497
   Posted 8/13/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
Spirit, we all do that.  We want to live our lives and don't give up.  Yes, we pay a price but I'm glad we don't just cave in and stay in bed all day. 
I have two things I like for my back.  One is a pad that goes in my chair.  It goes from my neck to my knees and there is heat and massage on it.  It's portable and I think my husband bought it at Brookstone.  Not sure.  I'm sure you could find some on line, too. 
My massage therapist made me a rice pillow for my back, too.  I heat it in the microwave, two minutes on each side, and it gives off moist heat for about 30-45 minutes.  That does help me.  What she did was get a large square of fabric and sewed three sides.  Then she sewed rows about 4 inches wide and this kind of made tubes.  Then she filled the tubes with rice and sewed up the entire top.  This way the rice is more evenly distributed.  I love it.
I use both of these when on the computer or watching television if my back is really bothering me. 
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/13/2009 10:22 AM (GMT -7)   
Spirit, please don't beat yourself up. I think we all push are limits at times. Sometimes even
in a middle of a flare I do something really stupid and end up paying for it. It is so hard
to pace yourself when you used to have boundless energy.

Our strength and energy level changes so often that it can be tricky to get everything
done. I ask for help more than I ever did. Accepting the fact we are no longer Wonder
Woman is difficult, but we should continue to believe we are wonderful women.

I hope you feel better soon

 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
 Vitamin Supplements

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 30
   Posted 8/13/2009 6:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I am so glad i saw this post!
Just know you are NOT alone!! I argue with myself everyday!
My emotional outbursts are CRAZY....and then as SOON as they are over.. i wonder what the hell i just did that for?
I honestly don't know how my boyfriend has stuck around this long!I also always feel like a burden on everyone around me, and i get emotional about that as well.

I'm sure like most of us on here, before the condition you were not someone who gave up easily on anything. I never gave into pain, and i never let anything stop me from my dreams. I am currently in the same situation you are.

I have not gotten to the point of accepting that i CAN NOT do everthing i use to. I was a dancer my whole life.
I just went to a dance audition yesterday knowing that i would be in extreme pain today.
It is very tough . I have been wanting a job.. but everytime i try, i end up passed out, dizzy, or feeling helpless.

This is not something that is easy for any of us. Espeically with all of the people saying it is all in our heads and to stop giving into the pain.
They will never understand but we do.

Eventually this will get easier..once we learn to accept it.
we can not do what we are use to, but there are still plenty of things that we CAN do. It just takes time to find them.

Just try to stay positive about the future. And remeber we have people in our lives that love us and are here to help us for a reason.
All of us on here will get through this together

"We all have many obstacles in out life, some of us have more then others.
 Mine may have limited my options, but it will never limit my possibilities"

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 8/14/2009 9:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I feel for ya Spirit. I totally agree with everyone else with their responses. I have days where I'll go in my bedroom and cry for a little while when the days of pain and aches become too much. But, I don't think it is a 'bad' thing to cry a little, it is a good stress release.

I push myself everyday just to work at my job. On weekends I try real hard to resist from doing chores that I know someone else in my house can do them. I get so tired of asking someone to do a chore for me, it feels to me like I'm being a "nag" or a "pest".

I hope you have less pain this weekend.

Fibromyalgia, Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia, Gastritis
300mg Gabapentin, 50mg Pristiq, Vitamin D3, Vitamin E, Ultracet

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 8/14/2009 12:40 PM (GMT -7)   
Hello Lost In Philly,
You have no idea how much your response has meant to me.. Boy did you ever hit the nail on the head or what.
The statement that really hit home was this one ::: are you Ashamed of your limits. ::: I read this and wow.. The release  and wave of emotions that came .. and yes I certainly  have been reflecting on all this since reading your post.
You are so right , these feelings need to be dealt with before I can move on or as you said it will continue. and I think I'm finally at the point of saying its not worth it.. Hurting myself that is. really its not..
I am blessed with a family that gives lots of support and have educated themselves about Fibro and everything else that comes with it. I do feel like a heel asking my dear husband to do house work. I don't know why . we where just talking about that last night .. and once again his great idea is .;; make me note that way your not asking I'm just working from a honey do list LOL.. how sweet Hu.
so really .. ashamed, and denial.. would that not fall under a sin LOL.. Vain. Hummm.. makes one think .. or me anyway . I do really just need to accept my limits and be happy with the things I can do.. I broke out my sewing machine and have fabric to make my grandbaby her first quilt. so that should help .. But ya I need to stop this and starting doing myself right.
I love your words , such a powerful message .... are you sure you where not listing to me pray . for just this message . ? God sure does work through us all. I know.
Thank you so much for your response. you have helped me so very much .
Soft Huggles. Spirit.~
I will respond to every body else in another response.. I have to give my hands a break
 ( Arthritis and lovely carpal tunnel syndrome

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/14/2009 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
I Mourn
I mourn the loss of my good health
and I do feel the grief
To lose physical capability
I am still in disbelief
Sometimes I feel sad and wonder
Why? Why me?
But then I count my blessings
and realize I'm lucky
 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
 Vitamin Supplements

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 236
   Posted 8/21/2009 6:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Good morning every body ...
So sorry I have not posted any resp in so long.. .. I had a realy bad time of it over the wekend and Monday had to call out of work... I wanted to say Thank you for every bodys responce to me.. so Kind .. I would be lost without my Fibro friends.
you all have so much kindness and love and support . I thank you for welcoming me into your family 
I have been trying to come off the Lyrica.. this is soooo hard to do .. I have been working on this for a month now. I was so Ill monday I could not even sit up. Thank God my Dad was so kind and came over and drove me to my Doc's office Monday . I have had to stop at 150 mlg a day on the lyrica for now. my body was freeking out . I hope to be off in the next 3 weeks or so . so far I do NOT have anymore pain from less lyrica so this tells. me its really not doing anything anymore . as my doc said I would be able to tell .. pretty much the same as every day . he also thinks I'm having some side afects to it . and to be honest I do have less swelling in my hands and  feet also less pain there , so go figure .
He ran a buch of blood work again and all comes out good. .. I feel there is somthing else going on .. but am lost at how to find it. or what typ of Doc to see. or what test I should ask for .
this is so hard to figure out.. why can't we just have one Doc that can take a look at everything. ? or am I just lost . LOL ?
anyway .. Thank you all very very much for your  support
Take care. Spirit ~ eyes tongue
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