Happy Birthday To Me

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Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/24/2009 12:20 PM (GMT -7)   
I haven't been on in a while, my son's home and I try to spend all my time with him. But Sat was my birthday, my mother had planned a birthday lunch at my great uncles retirement home, I hadn't really wanted to go as I'd been in a flare for three days, throwing up and lots and lots of pain. My mother wanted me there, my son wanted to go, and my mother had just spent $375 on my yard getting the rubish pile cleared and hiring ppl to mow it weekly. So I felt I owed her. My husband couldn't go, his leg hurt, of course.
I've known my mother hated my husband, and there was an understanding that if it ever got to the point that I needed to leave, then I could go to her, she believed he has made my fibro worse over the last two yrs. I was informed that if I don't leave him by Christmas that her offer was then null and void. Finally, after an hr of being told how everything is wrong with my marriage, lunch is over! They send the leftovers home with me, knowing I can't cook anymore as I have fallen into the oven and onto the hot stove top too often to feel comfortable doing it, then we had all planned to go to the park.
While home dropping off the leftovers, my husband read my birthday cards, one of them from my mother talked about leaving your husband and celebrating, here came a fight. One that lasted till this morning, fortunately my son went home with Grandmom and GrandPaul Sat. Why did we fight you may ask? Because I had told him that I can't do everything I used to, I couldn't wait on him and do everything for him like I had, that he's not the only one in pain but his seems to be the only pain that matters. Then Mommy Dearest told him he was a piece of $#!T that I needed to scrape off the bottom of my shoe, granted she was brought in to referee, dumb me. After she left the room we talked a bit more, he asked me what he needed to do, I told him get dressed and get his shoes on, I wanted my entire family to go to the park, my son wanted his daddy to come to the park, and so he did. Our son left that evening with hugs and kisses from both of us. Then two more days of fighting, talking and sleeping, we love each other, we don't want our marriage to be over, but we need to work on it. I need help, I can't do it all. He needs me to 'try harder with the housework' Though I think now he understands that people live their entire lives in wheelchairs, yet do for themselves and live mostly normal lives.
So here I am, Monday, tired, sore and emotionally exhausted, the two of us having slept for 36 hrs in the last 3 days, needing to vent, to tell someone not involved.
Thank you for listening, even if you don't care and you think I'm a silly little twit (It's okay, I do) redface sad smhair

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov

My train of thought derailed long ago, now I take the bus, few more stops, but I eventually get there.

FM, costocontritis, wide spread arthritis, fibroid tumors, PTSD, 2 heart attacks at 22, PID

Buspar 10mg, Acetometaphen 500mg, Ibuprofen 800mg, B-complex,

Elite Member

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 14995
   Posted 8/24/2009 12:47 PM (GMT -7)   
Can I just offer you some GENTLE HUGS??? I am sorry to hear you had such a rough birthday and weekend. May I make a suggestion, try not to talk to your Mom about your marriage problems. We Mom's tend to get over protective of our kids, and interfere where we really shouldn't. I hope you both are able to compromise and do whats best for you both.

Happy Belated Birthday!!

Gail*Nanners* Co-Moderator for Crohns Disease and Anxiety/Panic Forum
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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2009
Total Posts : 386
   Posted 8/24/2009 1:11 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree with Nanners, how us mother's get a little to much all up in your business.

Happy Belated B-Day!

If you both are willing, I think you can make it work. I was in an abusive marriage when I had my lil' ones (yrs ago), but I had to take the bull by the horns and do what was best for me and my kids in the long run. My kids(mid 20's) now can see the way we are in adult eyes and totally understand why I had to do what I did. It wasn't easy, but I am way better off now. Yes, I tried counsling, I believe in it BUT both parties involved need to want the same results. My ex thought it was crap.

I wish you some peace and rest as much as you can.
Take Care,

Fibromyalgia, Atypical Trigeminal Neuralgia, Gastritis
300mg Gabapentin, 50mg Pristiq, Vitamin D3, Vitamin E, Ultracet

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 8/24/2009 1:57 PM (GMT -7)   
Mrs. C, a belated Happy Birthday! I'm sorry the actual day wasn't so nice for you, but I do hope that this coming yr is a very good one for you.
It may be hard not to share things w/ your mother, but in the long run it might be better not to share w/ her. Mothers do tend to see things their child's way and look at the partner as the 'bad' guy. When things blow over, it is hard for 'Mom' to forget or put it aside.
Use the time w/ your son out of the house to really talk and compromise. Then keep a dialogue going, so you discuss things, before it comes to a head. You love each other and want this to work, that is 'big', everyone has to be heard and understood. I wish the best for your family.
God bless.  Alice.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 8/24/2009 2:51 PM (GMT -7)   
Happy birthday Lola!!!
I am the mother of three grown sons and I don't want them or their wives telling me anything about their relationships anymore. The less I know about everyone's problems the better off I am but then I'm the one with fibro and don't need anymore stress in my life. As far as I know they all have a great relationship smilewinkgrin  
Talk to your friends or all your fibro family but not your mother and don't let her give you ultimatums when it comes to your marriage. I hope you and your DH can work this out you both have challenges but together you can do a lot.
luv and hugs
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Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17498
   Posted 8/24/2009 2:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm sorry you had such a rotten birthday but maybe this opened the door for new understanding between both of you.  I'd keep "Mom" out of things and not discuss your husband with her...no matter who starts the discussion.  That has to be off limits.
I hope you have a great year ahead and a wonderful birthday to look forward to.
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Regular Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 285
   Posted 8/27/2009 9:29 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you guys, hard to admit but you've confirmed that though I love my mother and we've shared a lot, my marriage isn't one of them, as it's a marriage of 2 not 3. And thank you, Danib, for saying I'm not silly.

Any idiot can face a crisis - it's day to day living that wears you out.
Anton Chekhov

My train of thought derailed long ago, now I take the bus, few more stops, but I eventually get there.

FM, costocontritis, wide spread arthritis, fibroid tumors, PTSD, 2 heart attacks at 22, PID

Buspar 10mg, Acetometaphen 500mg, Ibuprofen 800mg, B-complex,

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 8/27/2009 10:26 AM (GMT -7)   
Happy belated Birthday Lola,

Wishing you lots of happiness. Hoping everything will work out between you, your mom,
and husband. Your mom and hubby have something in common. THEY BOTH LOVE YOU!

 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
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