I felt excluded

New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 599
   Posted 8/31/2009 10:53 PM (GMT -7)   
Friday afternoon at work I felt the invisible wall go up between me and my co-workers. You know that clear wall: the one where everyone can do something and you find out you cannot, thus aren't "part of the team" for a moment?
I've been in the middle (hopefully at least the midddle!) of a flare since January. Some days my limbs feel fine but skin will hurt. Sometimes my back will hurt and my feet will hurt. Most of the time my elbow spots hurt, a LOT. I have trouble picking things up and/or dropping things without warning sometimes. Our office is small, and we are close. They are all wonderfully understanding about my new fibro journey. They are even reading my signs of pain when I try to camouflage them. And no one can miss the deafening snap- crackle - pop of my knees and back!
So my co-worker came in with her two-week-old new baby. And we were all (of course) cooing and oohing and counting toes, the whole bit. And I was the only one who couldn't hold her. I probably could have but I wasn't comfortable, having bad elbows and dropped a few things that day. At the time, I wasn't sad because I was being safe for the baby. I said, "I shouldn't right now, but maybe another day."  But I'm kind of sad now that I step back and look at the situation - and anticipate others in the future.
We get so many teaching moments that may cause us pain, but that we manage. How do you manage those kind of moments - do you bottle it up or just accept and keep looking ahead?

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2009
Total Posts : 114
   Posted 9/1/2009 4:11 AM (GMT -7)   

I'm sorry that you had to miss out on something so special. I know how you feel. I am always missing out on things because i just don't feel well enough to do them. My good friend had a birth day last week, and I had to miss the party because i was in alot of pain and so tired. I feel like on outsider alot of times. I try not to let it get me down. I just accept that there are somethings I can't do, but when I feel well enough i try to live life to the fullest. Make the best of good days, and just get through the bad ones. I don't bottle my feelings up though. If I need to cry I let it out. If I need to scream I scream. sometimes letting the feelings out makes you feel better. remember you're not alone. We are all here to listen and help. I hope your pain eases up soon.

Regular Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 223
   Posted 9/1/2009 4:13 AM (GMT -7)   
Fortunately for me I've had so many of them in my lifetime I don't even recognise them anymore.

I think though if you wanted to hold the baby you could have. Just sit down when you do it and have someone hand the baby to you. And when you've had your chance the mother would have retrieved her. I'm sure you would have done just fine :)

Even feeble great grandmothers hold their grandbabies...for a moment at least. We dont drop babies no matter how bad we feel and you would have made sure the baby was safe.

Hugs hon...don't let Fibro rob you of some fine moments!


Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 4796
   Posted 9/1/2009 7:07 AM (GMT -7)   

There are always going to be times when we aren't able to participate in something
because of how we are feeling, naturally that can make us sad. It is good to recognize
our feelings. Every time you are feeling low, feel the moment; then let it go.

It is wonderful to be included in activities. I have hosted croquet parties, but have
been too stiff and sore to play on occassion, but I had a wonderful time watching my
friends play. Be honest about your feelings. It sounds like you have the support of
your coworkers and that is great. The way your family and friends deal with your
illness has a strong effect on how you live with it.

In the end though, it comes down to, You are only as happy as you allow yourself to be. If you are suffering from Depression that is a whole differant issue that should be
discussed with your doctor.
Living with our illness teaches us courage. Don't deny your feelings, learn to understand

Hope your flare ends very soon


 possible MCTD, Raynauds, Fibromyalgia, Osteoporosis, Degenerative
 Disc Disease, Osteoarthritis, High Blood Pressure, Migranes and
 Pseudothrombocytopenia, biopsy shows a Scleroderma variant
 MEDS: Methotrexate, Savella, Boniva,Lisinopril, Folic Acid, Flexeril, and
 Vitamin Supplements

Post Edited (crazykitty) : 9/1/2009 8:36:59 AM (GMT-6)

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17501
   Posted 9/1/2009 9:34 AM (GMT -7)   
I usually move on.  You can't change it and thinking about it makes you sad, but, Littleneck, you did the absolutely right thing!  Just imagine if you did drop the baby.  Talk about feeling sad!  smhair
I was a teenager and I had a brand new baby cousin.  I love babies and of course I wanted to hold him and walk with him.  My aunt and uncle owned a restaurant and had a small raised stage area for entertainment.  I was holding and walking with  my cousin in my arms and tripped over the stage and fell with the baby and he got a gash in his forehead!  I couldn't believe it because I was trying to be so careful.  I didn't have fibro at the time, either!  I was devastated.  You would be too, if anything happened to the baby while you were holding it.
So, pat yourself on the back for great decision-making.  Only you know how much you hurt and what you can and cannot do.  

Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

Post Edited (Sherrine) : 9/1/2009 10:37:24 AM (GMT-6)

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 9/1/2009 10:52 AM (GMT -7)   
When I was 6yrs old my sister had her first son. I wanted so badly to hold him. My sister and mother both said I had to sit in the corner of the couch and rest my arm on the arm of the couch and they put him in the crook of my arm. I felt like such a 'baby' because I wanted to feed him and burp him like I saw the adults do it. I had a new sister and many more nieces and nephews after that and I still had to sit on the couch to hold them. I was 17 before anyone let me sit on a regular chair or walk w/ a baby. The only reason they let me walk w/ that baby then was because I was the godmother and the 'gm' had to hold the baby for the baptizm. lol
I have three adult children of my own, no grandchildren - YET, but many, many more nieces and nephews and then the grands. Everytime a new baby comes into the family, the parents all want me to hold the new baby. My arms are rather weak, so I know I can't stand and hold a baby, I would never take that chance. I sit on the couch, in the corner, brace my arm and have the new mommy put her little darling in my arms. I may not be able to hold them for too long, but I don't want to miss out holding that angel for at least a few minutes. I have to hold the baby in my left arm, it is the stronger of the two and I also put my left ankle on my right knee for added balance. I can no longer hold my arm out to give a bottle or hold the baby for burping, but this method allows me to enjoy a few minutes of holding a baby again.
I'm totally w/ Sherrine on this tho, if you don't feel strong enough to hold the baby, don't! You can sit next to the mom and still touch the baby, don't back away, do it on your terms. Your co-workers obviously want you to be part of the group, just do it on your terms.
God bless.  Alice.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 599
   Posted 9/1/2009 8:54 PM (GMT -7)   
I went in to work today and while we were all eating lunch together I brought it up that I'd felt sad, but was happy I got to be there to welcome Baby to the office. You are absolutely right about recognizing my feelings. As I spoke, I realized my sadness was because I felt fear, for the first time, when I pictured myself reaching for Baby. I'm pretty honest with myself, so am really happy that I didn't feel excluded after all, but I felt fearful of BEING excluded.

Thanks, so much. I'm glad to be here.
New Topic Post Reply Printable Version
Forum Information
Currently it is Friday, November 24, 2017 12:48 AM (GMT -7)
There are a total of 2,897,345 posts in 318,000 threads.
View Active Threads

Who's Online
This forum has 157576 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, Muhammad Abdullahi Mammagi.
214 Guest(s), 2 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
divya_11, garyi

About Us | Advertise | Donate
Newsletter | Privacy Policy & Disclaimer
Follow HealingWell.com on Facebook Follow HealingWell.com on Twitter Follow HealingWell.com on Pinterest
©1996-2017 HealingWell.com LLC  All Rights Reserved.