family school work exhaustion

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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 9/5/2009 12:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Things have been chaotic at our home lately.  The stress level has been high.  Our two adult children have moved back home (one with a spouse and a dog).  Nerves have been on edge and people have been bickering and picking on each other.  I suggested that if we all have to live together, we have to, at least, be nice to one another.  No more teasing and picking at others.  They have also reverted to their sloppy ways.  Hubby is having a family meeting tomorrow about their leaving messes everywhere, dishes in the sink, overflowing the trash and not taking it out, expecting me to clean up after them, etc. 
All this has made me feel worse.  It must be the stress.  I have been extra tired and limbs feeling cementy.   We are working on a solution. 
In the meantime, my boss has suggested that I take a graduate level course and do well in it to help my PhD applications.  Apps are in December.  I would really like to do this.  I know I can, I just need to make some adjustments and changes.   I also need to finish my Master's Thesis which was put on the back burner when chaos hit and work on some research papers that are almost ready to be published. 
In order to help myself, I have done the following things: take vitamins (prenatal, fish oil, calcium, d, bcomplex), go to a coffee shop for 4 or 5 hours on Saturdays to work on thesis uninterupted, stay at work longer so I can still work the same number of hours but take the necessary breaks to pace myself better. 
Working can be hard and exhausting, but my theory for myself is "why stay home and hurt when I can be doing something I like and be distracted some from the pain."
 I have wanted my PhD for years.  I am close to getting into a program and do not want to give up on my dream now.  I won't give up.  It will be hard with this extra stress and exhaustion, but am hoping for some added ideas. 
I read a quote the other day "what would you try if you knew you could not fail."

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Date Joined Apr 2004
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   Posted 9/5/2009 8:22 AM (GMT -7)   
I like the way you think.
~ Jeannie, Forum Moderator/Diabetes & Fibromyalgia
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much. ~Mother Teresa

"People are like stained glass windows: They sparkle and shine when the sun's out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light within."- Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

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Date Joined Jun 2008
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   Posted 9/5/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
You have so much on your plate right now! Good for you for taking steps to keep reaching your goals. Love your quote. Good luck!
possible fibro and trigeminal neuralgia
50 mgs amitriptyline

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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 9/5/2009 8:43 AM (GMT -7)   
Thank you Jfor the encouragement. I do sometimes wonder if I can do it.

how do I handle the stress so it affects me less? How do you? I think hubby is going to step in and intervene with the kids.

Post Edited (Statgeek) : 9/5/2009 9:51:17 AM (GMT-6)

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Date Joined Aug 2007
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   Posted 9/5/2009 9:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Sue, my nest is empty right now, thank goodness. smilewinkgrin I have been where you are with my own and grandchildren. There has to be rules and boundries. First of all you are not their maid and cook, that needs to be said loud and clear. You are giving them a place to live and they should be thankful for that and do more than their share around the house. You get it out you put it away, you dirty it you clean it, you use it you replace it and etc. It really is harder having them move back then before they ever left.
You have a busy life yourself and we all know we need cool and calm to keep the fibro at bay. Write down the rules you expect and post them if you have to. I hope the family meeting goes well.
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Date Joined Apr 2005
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   Posted 9/5/2009 4:58 PM (GMT -7)   
It's so hard living with adult children.  I hope your husband does lay down the law.  After all, they are very fortunate you opened your home to them.  The least they can do is not only pick up after themselves, but also help around the house to make your load light.
I think your plans are spot on!  I'm very proud of all your accomplishmets.  It's truly amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it.  Keep up the great effort and you will reach your dreams.
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God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

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Date Joined Apr 2008
Total Posts : 1522
   Posted 9/5/2009 5:52 PM (GMT -7)   
I love your theory "why stay home and hurt when I can be doing something I like and be distracted some from the pain. This is what gets me out of bed everyday.

Your coping plans sound great.

I don't have any suggestions about the stress. I'm more of a tough love, my way or the highway, type of mom. I'll help them out to the best of my ability but if they don't try to minimize my stress, then I have nothing to offer.

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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 1495
   Posted 9/6/2009 10:17 AM (GMT -7)   
I guess we will see how the meeting goes. We haven't had it yet because no one is at home at the same time. He will probably do it Wednesday night. I work late, but they will all be there.

We also created a menu and each person takes a turn cooking. I am the one who does the shopping and putting away the groceries. It has only been two weeks, but it has become obvious that they expect me to do it without any help. In addition, my daughter and son in law have to be told to pick up the dog poop. I have asked them "the lawn guys come on Saturday and the dog poop needs to be picked up before." We have asked them each two or three times that way. But unless I say specifically, "please pick up the dog poop before tomorrow, no one does it."

I have a housekeeper who comes two times a month. Now she cleans their bathroom which is disgusting. I am thinking of asking her to stop cleaning it because it takes so much time that she cannot clean as much of the other house, which is what I pay her for. The kids are going to have to contribute to the housekeeping bill, too.

We are giving them a place to live that is rent free. You are right, Sherrine. They should be appreciative, pick up after themselves and do extra to help out.

Right now, we feel used and that is not acceptable..

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