I have been struggling with juggling family and work since 11/5, which is when I had to go to work full time for the first time since I have been a mom. I have had part time and consulting jobs off and on throughout the past 14 years, but never was away from home form 7-5 five days a week, 35 miles from home. My boys' grades have fallen, they have missed necessary appointments, and they are not handling the 'freedom' that comes from a mom being gone all the time very responsibly. My fibro is worse than it has been in 3 years, I've had to start anti-depressants, I'm exhausted by 7 every evening, and my job is SOOOOOOO strenuous! My mom is having a colonoscopy this week .. which makes me nervous because she has a hx of uterine cancer and one of the things they told us could happen from the radiation was colon cancer ... she's been having symptoms for a while and 'neglected' to deal with them. She helps get my youngest on the bus in the mornings, and isn't sure she's going to be able to help with the kids anymore. (Boy was that hard for her to admit!) The house is a mess, I am a mess, my marriage is a mess, my kids are struggling, I'm worried about my family's health, and when I take into consideration that I have to pay $100 a week for gas & $50 a week for childcare, I'm only actually contributing $125 a week to our family finances. So .. I'm busting my buns for $25 a day?!?!?
I love the place where I work, I love the children I care for, and I HATE to be a quitter, but dang it ... I have given it all I can for the 90 probation period, and I think that when I get called into the director's office for a review tomorrow, I am going to tell her that as much as I appreciate the opportunity and support their program, it's just not a good fit for me or my family right now.
I am really anxious about the conversation, and terrified about finances, but I just honestly think this is the best thing for my family right now. I know my boss will be upset .. and I HATE confrontation!!!! She's very sweet and nice and suportive, but there is nothing she can do to make this work right now .. and I just hate to let her down. Then there's the part of saying good bye to parents and kids, and to my assistant. UGH ... it's hard to leave a position like this ... but I'm giving 2 weeks notice.
Not sure what the future holds, but I DO know that I'm excited about it ....
wish me luck! my belly hurts just thinking about the talk, but I'm eager to move on .... I really did try my hardest .... and it just didn't work out.