So much stress and sadness

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Irish Babe
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Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 2/17/2010 11:05 AM (GMT -7)   
I haven't been on in a bit, I have basically just been taking care of things, visiting the hospitals, and trying to hold on to my emotions.
Last month my DH and DM both ended up in the hospital. My DH was in the ER and admitted just after having a stent put in the artery. My DM was put in due to problems w/ her blood levels for potassium and coumadin. My DH came home, but my DM stayed till she was put in a NH to regroup w/ PT and OT. While she was in this NH, she contracted C. diff. It was so bad, she was dx w/ severe colitis. The gastro wanted to remove her colon, but her pcp said she would never survive the surgery. My DM was put back into the hospital and put on heavy duty antibiotics. She was on an IV, as she couldn't even look at food. She is currently off IV and eating and drinking very little, all light stuff.
They have run tests on her and feel that she probably has pancreatic cancer. The dr will be sending her home in the next few days to officially be a hospice patient.
My DH went in a couple of wks ago to have the second stent put in other artery. He was back at the special hospital, so I was running between both places for the two of them. The dr was late taking my DH up for procedure and I had to get back for DM. The dr called me later to say that they had a very difficult time w/ this artery. They had been unable to place stent in the artery, due to complications. BUT they had pierced the artery a couple of times trying, they were keeping him longer, to be watchful for HA or stroke. They want him to come back early March and try it again.
My older sister called me last wk from the hospital. I thought she was visiting our mother. Nope, she was admitted herself. She was in for emphysema and anxiety. This is the sister that lost her DH a few months ago. They were married just a month short of 52 yrs. She has always been a very up person, now she is just broken hearted.  She has been in the hospital before for this, but didn't tell us. I mentioned to her awhile ago I had been in the hospital for anxiety/panic, I guess she felt she could finally tell me. I wish she had trusted me before, but at least she let me know this time. She and our mother are at the same hospital, they have talked, but haven't been able to visit, as of yet.
We have been hit w/ so much snow these past few wks, I am forever cleaning off my car (one-handed) and my son has been shoveling the driveway. I am so tired, mentally and physically. I feel so sad, my emotions are so raw. I try to keep busy when I'm not running to the hospital. My son and I have cleaned out the attic, most of the basement (till the snow hit) and every closet I own. He drags everything up, down or out and I sort, we work well together.  I compiled a dvd of family pictures and cd of my DM's favorite songs. I know what is coming, I just wouldn't be able to do this later. I feel like I'm barely hanging on right now. But I have to be strong, too many ppl are counting on me.
I'm sorry this is so long, but it has just been building up and I guess I just needed to get it out.
God bless.  Alice. 

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Date Joined Apr 2005
Total Posts : 17500
   Posted 2/17/2010 11:50 AM (GMT -7)   
Alice, this is unblievable!  You have to be such an incredibly strong woman to bear all of this.  I know this has been going on for about a year now, hasn't it?  I have you at the top of my prayer list, Kido.
I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom.  I do hope they are wrong.  You did say they think she "probably" has pancreatic cancer.  I know I would want to know for sure so she could be treated appropriately.  Comfort, if nothing else.  Hospice is wonderful, though, and will be a big help to you.
I totally understant going through all the things and your Mom's favorite songs and pictures.  It is so difficult to do after the fact.  When my Mom was going downhill, I planned and paid for her funeral.  I even picked out her outfit and took it to the funeral home and they held it there because I knew I wouldn't be able to think straight when that ominous day arrived.  I'm so glad I did that, too.  It made things easier on me and Mom never knew I did that, either.
But, I will be praying that she perks up some and you have some more good days together.  Doctors don't know everything.  My grandmother was diagnosed, after surgery, with lymphatic cancer.  They closed her up and sent her home with six months to live.  She died 15 years later of Alzheimer's!  So, remember that it's God who is in charge.
Your husband has been through the mill, too.  I'm glad the first stent is doing it's job and now they know that second artery a little better and will probably get that stent in with no further problems.  We'll keep praying for that, too.
Your sister is suffering from depression that is causing that anxiety.  If she has always been a positive person, and probably a strong person too, she was hoping to be able to handle this without worrying you.  She knows what you have been going through.  But, as time passes, she should get better.  I'm a positive thinker but went into a terrible depression for nearly a year after my husband died suddenly.  I definitely was not myself but I kept on taking baby steps forward and pretty soon that veil lifted.  It does take a while and I'm so glad she finally turned to you.  She just didn't want to trouble you or look "weak" to you, I think.
I'm so glad you have your son, though.  He really has been a blessing to you, hasn't he.  I'm sure you both are drawing strength from one another.  This is a horrible time in your life but things do get better.  Remember to take one day at a time, breathe deeply, and get as much rest as you possibly can.  You can only do so much.  Your family totally understands what you are going through with all of this, too.  So, be easy on yourself and know that this time in your life will be over in a little while and there are brighter days ahead.  I'll be praying for you, Alice, and we are all here for you whenever you want to talk or vent or ask for helpful ideas.  Okay?  Let us know how things go.
Forum Moderator/ Fibromyalgia
Fibromyalgia, Crohn's Disease, Ostomy, Diabetes, Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease, Osteoporosis
God does not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.    2 Timothy 1:7

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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:32 PM (GMT -7)   
Oh dear sweet Alice, I wish I was close enough to give you a big hug and a shoulder to cry on right now. You are one heck of a strong woman and God has put plenty on your shoulders right now. I'm so glad you have your children during this time.
I agree with Sherrine, they need to comfirm whether your mom has cancer or not. If they do dx cancer Hospice is great if you have never dealt with them before.
My oldest sister had never had anxiety in her life til after she had several stints put in her heart and then when her husband died two years ago and she was left by herself it really kicked in. She is still mourning, just went through the two year ann. of his death, and she still takes a xanax at night before bedtime but she understands what anxiety is now and is able to control it.
If you will remember Ken had a heart cath done right before Christmas and what he was feeling must have been anxiety, which can cause many of the same feelings as a heart problem can. It is best to have it checked out no matter what is causing it. Kinda giving you a heads up in case your DH has any of these problems.
You and your family will be in my prayers Alice. Please take a few minutes to take some deep breaths when you can. I like the way Karen put it, smell in the roses and blow out the candles.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
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Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 1771
   Posted 2/17/2010 12:53 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so sorry you are dealing with all of this. Sending up a prayer for you and your family.

(((hugs))) - Austen
"There is no charm equal to tenderness of  heart." - Jane Austen

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41836
   Posted 2/17/2010 3:13 PM (GMT -7)   

Know that you and your family are in my thoughts and in my prayers during this trying and difficult time. Know that we all are here for you. And the Lord is there to guide you through.

Thinking of you.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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Date Joined Nov 2008
Total Posts : 2858
   Posted 2/17/2010 3:37 PM (GMT -7)   

I'm so sorry, Alice and am sending soft hugs and prayers your way.  I couldn't help but notice in your post that besides your fatigue and raw emotions,(which anyone without fibro would be experiencing) you didn't complain about your own physical pain.  You are a strong, compassionate woman.




fibro, menieres disease, RLS, anxiety disorder, disc compression, scoliosis, spinal stenosis TMJ  Meds: valium Advil

MT Lady
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Date Joined Jul 2008
Total Posts : 969
   Posted 2/17/2010 4:05 PM (GMT -7)   
Dear Alice,
So much pain you are dealing with. I wish I could alleviate some of it for you. I will pray for you and your family and keep you in my thoughts. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Gentle hugs

Fibromyalgia, Osteoarthritis, scoliosis, back problems, hypothyroidism.

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Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 2/17/2010 4:21 PM (GMT -7)   

Please know that you are in my prayers. No one should have to deal with as much as you have and it's all so hard emotionally. We are here to help you with whatever kind of support you need...always.

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

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Date Joined Jan 2010
Total Posts : 1097
   Posted 2/17/2010 4:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Alice, I'm new here, but I will certainly keep you and your family in my prayers.

Conditions: Fibromyalgia, Chronic Pelvic Pain, FAI, Reynauds, IBS, Surgical Adhesions, Ophthalmic Migraines
(plus physically unable to vomit due to Nissen, and I have extremely tiny veins...a joy for blood work or IV's)
Surgeries: Appendix, Uterus, Nissen Fundoplication for GERD, Left Ovary, Gallbladder, Right Ovary, TVT
Medications: Oxycontin, Tramacet, Cymbalta, Nortriptyline
Other: Vitamin D, Multi-Vitamin

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Date Joined Jun 2007
Total Posts : 906
   Posted 2/17/2010 7:46 PM (GMT -7)   
Alice, I am so sorry. I'm praying for you and your family.
Fibromyalgia since 1984, Sjogren's, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, Auto-immune eczema, GERD, osteoarthritis, IBS, RLS, sleep apnea

Irish Babe
Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 1380
   Posted 2/18/2010 12:29 PM (GMT -7)   
My dear sweet ladies, thank you all for being so kind, supportive, well, for being YOU!
Sometimes, I let things build up, thinking I can deal w/ it on my own. I don't like to dump it on my DH or my children, they are all worried about 'Mom & Grandma' & Dad, I just hate to add to the stress they're going thru by seeing me lose it.
My DH is off the BP med for now, his #'s have been very good. Hope that continues. My sister is on medication to help w/ anxiety and she takes it. I'm hoping things will be calmer for her soon. She is selling her house and just sold 'his' piano, which just hurt her all over again.
We're trying to get the hospital bed in today, as Mom should be coming home tomorrow, God willing! The supplier gave us a hard time, so I had to call Medicare. The lady there was very nice, told me the supplier was lazy, they are supposed to call for info. Then I had to download a form. That was three hrs of my day. The supplier was NOT happy to hear from again. My stomach is a mess today.
I called my mother to tell her I would be a little late in visiting today, she isn't feeling that great today. After dinner, my son and I will be up to see her. Hopefully, she will be a little better later today.
I am eternally grateful for all of your prayers, good thoughts, and well wishes for my family. I also appreciate your suggestions, they are good ones and I will be using them. You are all in my prayers, also. I am blessed to have you all in my corner, thank you!
MsBunky, I don't believe we have spoken before, but let me welcome you into the family. This is such a wonderful group of ppl, a wonderful family. I'm sorry for the reason you joined, but so happy to have you here w/ us.
God bless.  Alice. 

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Date Joined Aug 2007
Total Posts : 6067
   Posted 2/18/2010 1:02 PM (GMT -7)   
I'm so glad things are looking up a little bit Alice. I hope you will have help in caring for your mother when she gets home besides the hospice nurses visits. From my family's experience with hospice they only visit a few times a week except for my cousin and they have a hospice facility up near Chicago where she was. I know no one can take care of her the way you can but please accept help from your church or any volunteers that can help so you can get plenty of rest.
I hope your DH gets home soon too.
luv and hugs
Forum Moderator Fibromyalgia
Fibro,Sjogrens, Anxiety, Gastroparesis, IBS, Gastritis, Allergies, High Blood Pressure, Low Blood Sodium, Osteoarthritis and Celiac
Amitriptyline, Celexa, Xanax, Synthroid, Zyrtec, Micardis, Spironalactone, Tylenol, Reglan, Lidoderm Patches, Carafate and Prilosec
Vit D/calcium

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