sis joking was rude

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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 3/26/2010 11:39 AM (GMT -7)   
Hi everyone.  Me again! 
Need to vent and get some good advice.   Sis said something a few weeks ago and I didn't realize it bothered me so much until I was pulling weeds yesterday and thinking.  She is coming tomorrow to visit and I do not want to be upset still when she gets here.
I don't remember the exact words because I make it a rule not to rehearse in my head the mean things people say.  If I don't rehears it, I do not get as angry and I forget and forgive more easily and quickly.  But apparently this bugs me more than I thought and maybe hearing from others will help me to put it behind me before she comes tomorrow.
We were having a nice conversation and I don't remember what I said, but she turned to me and smiled and said, "but I can walk."  then she giggled and looked away.  I thought, "ouch, that was kind of rude."  but I said nothing.  Others were there and I decided to forget it and not let it bug me.  So, why does it bug me so much?  I know she was joking and it is not a big deal.  I need to reframe the incident.  but I do not know how.  Maybe it is because I am in so much pain today and I am worried about being "weak" tomorrow in front of her.    Help me refrain and be gracious tomorrow, please.

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Date Joined Nov 2008
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   Posted 3/26/2010 1:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sue, I'd say it depends on what kind of relationship you have with her and whether she was trying to be sympathetic or mean.
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getting by
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   Posted 3/26/2010 1:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sue,

I would let this just role off of my back. And I believe that what comes around goes around, not that I want anything bad to happen to your sister, but if she was being mean, it will come back to her. Maybe she didn't even mean to say it. She is probably regretting it right now. So try not to think of it and relax today and rest up for tomorrow. You deserve the break anyway and it will do you good to pamper yourself. Take a nice relaxing bath and think happy thoughts. You will get through this and it wont bother you anymore. Though if it does, you could always talk to her about it if you feel the need to. Take this one day (moment) at a time and go with the flow of things.

Best wishes to you.

I hope taht you are having a painfree day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

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   Posted 3/26/2010 2:11 PM (GMT -7)   
Ignorance is bliss Sue and the normals have no idea what a day in our bodies are like or they would be more sensitive about what they say to us. Maybe she is jealous of something you can do that she can't and JUST had to point out something she can do that you can't. If she ever says anything like that again I would say something like, "ouch that hurt", to let her know she hurt your feelings. That sounds like something my oldest sister would say cause she knows nothing about computers and I guarantee she has no idea what fibro is except what she sees in the commercials on TV. My other sister deals with pain herself everyday so she knows what pain is and even though she has a lot more energy than I do she would never say anything to hurt my feelings. I think people can only relate to their own life experiences.
luv and hugs
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Date Joined Jul 2009
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   Posted 3/26/2010 2:32 PM (GMT -7)   
I only see my sister a few times a year beacause we live so far away from eachother.
The first time she saw me after my diagnosis she actually thought I was faking the way
I was walking. She was laughing and calling me a cripple. I was in the middle of a bad
flare and she realized after my eyes became tear filled that I was actually hurting.
She apologized and I know she felt bad. I think the fibro commercials play down the
severity of fibro and people just don't get it. Unless they have it, how could they?

Sue if your sister throws you another hurtful comment, tell her how you feel.
Hopefully she will understand.

Hugs, Robin
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Date Joined Jul 2008
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   Posted 3/26/2010 3:06 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, that does help. You are right. Normals do not know how we feel, even when they see us hurting. and yes, sis is jealous of me. For some reason she thinks I am prettier and smarter than she is. It is not true. She is super smart and very pretty and has a lot of talent. I don't get it. We both have trouble accepting and loving ourselves. Maybe it was out of the jealousy that she said that - a way to make herself feel better. Or maybe she was just being silly and did not realize how hurtful it was. And maybe my own trouble with self-acceptance made me more sensitive to what she said.

I tried to let it roll off my back, but it climbed back on!! ha ha. but hearing from others does help me put this more in perspective. I think we will have a really nice day tomorrow.

getting by
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Date Joined Sep 2007
Total Posts : 41816
   Posted 3/26/2010 3:35 PM (GMT -7)   

I hope that tomorrow brings you much joy and feeling well. I know how it feels to have your sister jealous of you. And it really hurts. But I would try to over look it and keep moving on. Like posted above, if she does it again, then let her know how it hurts you. It is hard when it comes to family especially. You don't want to hurt them, and you don't want to be hurt either. But when people are jealous, they don't see things for what they are, I don't think.

Tomorrow will be a better day.

Hugs, Karen
  Moderator-Depression and fibromyalgia
fibromyalgia, Chronic fatigue, depression,allergies

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 9090
   Posted 3/26/2010 4:28 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi Sue,

I guess that comment would have gotten to me a lot and I'd have a hard time letting it go also. Yes, the right thing might be to just let it go, but would she have said that to someone in a wheelchair? What's the difference? Some days neither of us can walk. Sound like she needs some education and you might be the right one to give it to her. Take her along on your next doc visit and ahead of time clue the doc in on why she's coming.

You have an assignment to do tonight even though class was canceled. You are to pamper yourself royally! Take the longest, hottest bath or shower ever! Have hubby take your phone calls all evening. Then he can give you a nice back or leg or whatever rub. I'm sure he'd be happy to do the dishes this evening or maybe even get takeout for supper. Sound like an assignment you can handle?

"Knowledge is knowing that a tomato is a fruit, but Wisdom is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad."

(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

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