Posted 4/5/2010 6:38 PM (GMT -7)
Thanks Butterfly. I appreciate that a lot. I did eat some grilled chicken today. It was really good. But it was a huge internal battle about it.
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. Dr. Seuss
 

Posted 4/5/2010 6:55 PM (GMT -7)
You can't win the battle unless you fight it. I'm so glad to hear that you fought today, and that you won. That's great :)

Butterfly4
31 year old female
 
Chronic pain, GI inflammation, Asthma, catracts, Depression, chest pain, frequent fevers, vomiting, weight loss, insomnia, the list goes on.  16 months into this, I still have no official diagnosis.
 
"Be the change you wish to see in the world" - Ghandi

Posted 4/5/2010 9:14 PM (GMT -7)
My sweet Sassy,

Please do take care of yourself...partly for you and mostly for that dear Alex. I've struggled with my weight ever since I have memory of what food is all about. Since my doc had me quit working I've put on about 25# and I had taken it off many years before that. It makes me so sad and disappointed in myself but I won't give up. It's a daily battle and it does mess with your self worth. BUT, if we only think of ourselves as fit or thin, fit or fat, then we have a very shallow opinion of who we really are.

I know that you're a very tender and sweet young wife and mother. I also know that you've been through a lot of stress lately which for many of us relates directly to food. But we can get through and fight it together...OK? Take my hand (extending hand) and we'll all make it...all who care to join us.

Warm hugs!
Mom Chutzie
Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love.
Albert Einstein

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(o.o)
(> <) Co-Moderator Fibromyalgia & Chronic Pain Forums
Fibromyalgia, PTSD, UC, Diabetic on insulin, collapsed disk, arthritis scattered around and a few other delights.

Posted 4/5/2010 10:23 PM (GMT -7)
Sassy, I, too had anorexia.  I had it for several years (over 15) and went through 5 years of therapy and group treatment programs to fight it.  I have been "in recovery" for 3 years.  That means I eat now.  I still have some funny habits or ways of making myself eat.  For example, I take my breakfast in the car while commuting.  It is a way to distract myself so I will eat breakfast. 
 
One thing is for sure, I am much happier not obsessing all of the time about food.  I could give you the internal monologue here, but I am sure you are familiar enough with it.  With anorexia, I lost a lot of my hair (it is still growing back), my heart shrunk because of malnutrition (it is back, now), and my metabolism shut down.  That was the hardest part.  I can no longer lose weight by restricting.  My body will not allow me to lose weight.  My body still does not trust me and I have been eating for 3 years now.  In fact, when I think about going back to anorexia to lose the weight, I remember those things:  I want my hair and my heart and I do not want to gain any more weight!  My motto:  "If I don't eat, I will get fat!" 
 
Please do not go back there.  Once you head back, you will lose glucose in your brain and you will lose all ability to reason.   (fog is bad enough!!)  :)   You will eat less than 1000 calories a day and no one will be able to convince you that it is unhealthy and you are killing yourself.  Don't do that to yourself.  Fibro is hard without adding anorexia to it.  I actually had to "unfriend" a facebook person because she was eating 800 calories a day then burning it all by exercising.  I politely told her that her posts were triggering and I could not read them anymore.  She was extremely angry with my comments and insisted vehemently that there was nothing wrong with her behavior.  You do not want to go there. 
 
Little fact: My treatment nurse taught us that we need about 2000 calories a day to just lie around and do nothing.  Our bodies still have to work.  In fact, prisoners of war were put on a starvation diet of 1400 calories a day.  We need food to function.
 
Btw:  I also weigh 147 pounds.  I hate it.  But I am alive and that is good.  I am trusting that my body will finally get back on track and get me to a healthy weight.  I would like to be 135.  115 is actually too thin for me.
 
You can e-mail me anytime you like and if you want, e-mail me and I will send you the link to a blog a friend of mine from group therapy writes.  It is actually very powerful.
Gentle hugs,
Sue

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